Everyone so distant so cold

Living here all on my own

Life so monotone

Monochrome

Forever forlorn

In a state of despondency

Surrounded by the painful cacophony

Of happiness spoken so volubly

But I wannabe

Out of the anesthesiology

Suffocating me monstrously

Where is my sinuosity

My passion keeps bleeding right out of me

Need a bandage just to stay functioning

Everyone hating me is just so troubling

And my spirits keep plummeting

Hope glimmering just out of reach

Screaming crying need a dove

Away from this unrequited love

The ethereal happiness I've been deprived of

Connected to life support

Cannot breathe not here not there

Just need some real air

Why can't life and love just be fair

I'm ready to scream till my lungs bleed

But my cold family silences me

Since I'm only seventeen

And the impossibility being with my real love hurts me

Not happy not serene

hope sent up in a rocket

Down in a submarine

To depths in which I cannot reach

We haven't dated

Spent fourteen months as friends

But I've loved him this whole time

And I took a leap of faith that led to misery

he's too insecure to love

Says he doesn't want to even talk

Waiting to build himself a life

Tells me all I do is study

I used to think the same

But I want my life to start

NOW - not when I'm aged

And why can I not be enough

Because that's what I have been desperately grasping to change

I'm wondering if I'll ever find someone else

Or if I've just been dammed into solitude

Because fate hates me

I'm alone

Drowning in a sea of my own tears

I thought I knew how to swim

But for what purpose? My hope sunk with the submarine

My smile gone

Can't force it no more

My teachers asking me if I'm okay

I cry "IM FINE, I'm fine…." but really I'm crumbling

My mind raging with uncertainty

I've loved him for an eternity

Fuck, Why can't he just marry me