Despite his claims to 'cannot live without me' and that 'we are never over' and he 'loves me', Gabe accepted the breakup. He never called me again nor messaged me. He blocked my number- I know because I tried to call him on Christmas Eve to wish him a merry Christmas.
What annoyed me was the simple fact that he deleted and blocked my contact because I am now his ex, right... but why couldn't he have respected me enough to do the same to which he'd done, whilst we were a couple, to Cassandra?
Hmm?
It hurt. It burnt into my soul that I just was never that important to me as I allowed myself to be deluded. I could only blame myself because only I knew what would happen in the future and I stupidly allowed it to be repeated.
No matter what transpired with me and Gabriel Adkins, I regretted nothing for I saved my family and his. And that was worth the heartbreak, I brought onto myself.
Accepting and moving on, the years pass with a quiet inevitability, and life begins to settle into its own rhythm. Thanksgivings, Christmases, New Years, Valentines'- they blur together, marked more by small, personal milestones than grand gestures. Holidays held no other significance to me other than more family time.
Liz and Matt are getting married in the spring. It's the first big family event in years, and my parents couldn't be happier. Liz called me three times this morning to gush over her flower arrangements, and I smiled through each one.
Jeremy, my date for the upcoming wedding, is a good man. Yes, it's the same Jeremy from before. Jeremy used to be my boyfriend after Dan and before Gabe and I know we will not last because he goes on tour often. A singer and the shows that come with it.
I figured I should continue with my life along the same path, so as to not alter anything more. He's steady and kind, the type of person who listens when you talk and remembers the small details. We met through work this time around and though it's not love- not like what I had with Gabe but similar to what we had before- before I met Gabe in this timeline. Besides, unlike Dan whom I had gotten completely over in the past, Jeremy was another matter. He and I had a bitter split, one that railwayed into me marrying Gabriel.
Maybe this way, I can approach the relationship and not spiral the second time around.
But it's easy, comfortable.
Avrielle and I are closer than ever now. She's back to being the twin sister I grew up with-wild, impulsive, and fiercely loyal. She's thriving at her art studio and hosting workshops every month. She's even turned one of the spare rooms in my apartment into a gallery of her early works.
Cole is a chapter she's finally closed. They broke up again last year, this time for good. "It was mutual," she'd told me, her voice steady but her eyes glistening. "We were never meant to be. But we made a pact, you know. If we're both still single at thirty-five, we'll get married and have a couple of kids." She laughed through her tears, and I couldn't help but laugh with her.
Cole's parents never approved of Avrielle's mixed ethnicity- we are Lee's so yeah I'm sure you knew we are half-Japanese but yeah... I know...Liz had Dad's needle-straight hair while my twin and I have wavy hair. We don't know from where we got it because Mum's side also has straight hair as well. Maybe we would do the ancestry thing, I don't know.
Anyway, it's something Avrielle's accepted, but it still stings. Their rejection reminds me of Cassandra's dilemma- she was Asian too, but Indian, I think. An impossible choice between love and family expectations. I wonder how things are with the trio- Gabe, Cassandra, and the husband. It sickens me.
Tonight, the thought won't leave me alone. Though it has been years since I saw Cassandra, I find myself scrolling through social media, curiosity and something darker propelling me. Cassandra Minhaj.
She's not on !nstagram.
Tw!tter, nada. Sn@pchat, zilch. But finally, I get her on F@cebook There she is. Her profile is public, and I click through her photos, my breath catching in my chest. She appears the same, yet, her beauty softened by time and motherhood. Her profile picture is a radiant family portrait with her husband, whom I note seems to be the same race as her, and I ache for Gabriel. Two children cling to her in almost every photo- a toddler and a baby. They're gorgeous, with her brown skin and dark hair.
But one detail stops me cold. The oldest child is three.
"Wow," I mutter to myself, my mind spinning. She didn't waste time, did she? Married, pregnant, a mother, all so quickly. It's been four years since I saw her.
But it isn't her speed that gets to me. It's the comparison. Gabe rejected our baby- our chance at building a family, while Cassandra is here, smiling through sleepless nights and sticky hands. My husband was leaving me and telling me he did not want our baby ... while walking off into the sunset to play daddy to two other kids he had not fathered?
My throat tightens, and I close my laptop.
For all the progress I've made, for all the years that have passed, there's still a part of me that aches for what could have been. And also some harbored bitterness because she had prepositioned Gabe into an affair with her. Once again, I feel a surge of disgust washing over me and I pity the man in the pictures with Cassandra.
The air in the room feels heavy as I sit back in my chair, staring at the top of my laptop. My thoughts swirl, chaotic and unrelenting. The image of Cassandra with her children lingers, etched into my mind like a cruel reminder. I rub my temples, trying to push away the ache building there.
It stings in a way I wasn't prepared for, even now. My hand instinctively drifts to my stomach, the phantom weight of what could have been pressing down on me. Gabe didn't want that future. Not with me. I glance at the clock; it's well past midnight and I refuse to look back at my past and have lingering thoughts of regret.
The following night, it haunted me again.
Jeremy is asleep, blissfully unaware of the turmoil unraveling inside me. He's steady like that, dependable, grounded, and safe. But safe isn't the same as unforgettable. It's not the same as the deep, all-consuming connection I had with Gabe. I push myself to my feet, pacing the room as memories flood back. I think about the way Gabe looked at me and touched me as if I was the only thing in the world that mattered. The promises he made, the dreams we dared to dream together. And then, I remember the arguments, the betrayal, and the suffocating pain when I walked away.
And then, I remember the arguments, the betrayal, and the suffocating pain when I walked away. The way he cut me off his life so sharply that it stunned me.
And he'd blocked my number.