Feeling remorseful, regretful, and guilty about another one of our quarrels, I have decided to visit Gabe this weekend. Plus, it does feel strange that he has not messaged or called me in the past three days.
Avrielle calls me and we chat for a bit, where I confess what is happening between Gabe and me. She was shocked and confided in me that Cole and she had broken up and she wanted to come home and only because I kept calling and nagging her to not come home, she had not.
It takes a while for me to figure out what her words meant.
"We only made up back last week. I'm so sorry I never said anything Meggie- I was so broken you know. I wanted to tell you so..."
That's why my twin had come home that weekend. The one where she and mum- the garage sale moment. She had wanted the comfort of our parents. My eyes spill over. Finally, everything has come full circle.
At this moment, I decided to not wait and head on over- Thursday afternoon to meet Gabe instead. He is also another reason for me being back, right?
But less than thirty minutes later, I am thinking something totally different from when I left my dorm. I should have waited until Saturday. Or maybe just forget completely about Saturday and not come at all. The weight of everything pressing on me is how I feel as I stand before Gabe's house.
I'd already rung the doorbell, my hand trembling slightly, but no one answered. The house was eerily quiet, and the unsettling sense that something wasn't right tugged at me as I stood there on the porch, eyes scanning the surroundings.
Halfway back to the bus stop, I turn, feet carrying me to the back of the large house. There, through the sliding glass door, I see them; Gabe and Cassandra. They're sitting on the back patio, and I freeze in place, my heart squeezing in my chest. Cassandra's voice cuts through the still air, her tone a mix of hurt and anger.
"How could you move on so quickly, Gabe?" she asks, her voice trembling. "We were together for almost my entire life Gabriel. Did I really mean so little to you?"
Entire life? Wait- my heart pounded. They were childhood friends?
Gabe doesn't answer immediately, and his posture is stiff and uncomfortable. He runs a hand through his hair, eyes averted from her. The silence between them speaks volumes, and my heart aches. Why hasn't he answered her? What does that silence mean? Cassandra shifts, looking vulnerable now.
"I need to get married, Gabe, not want to, you know this. I love you, only you. I will love nobody but you. We can continue our relationship, can't we? My grandmother insists on this marriage. If I don't, I lose everything, inheritances, family name, everything.
Still, Gabe is silent and she grabs his hand that is between them on top of the table. The words strike me like a blow to the chest just as a possessive territorial instinct covers me at the action of her touching him.
"I don't care about her, Gabriel. Keep her- marry her if you want but I don't want to let you go. I want to keep seeing you." My pulse spikes and I step back without thinking, my feet heavy, my body almost swaying with the realization of what I've just heard.
Her. She means me. I feel my chest constricting and my legs threaten to give out from where I hid behind the wall, unseen. My breath hitches as I listen to her words, and it's as though the ground beneath me is slipping away. Gabe leans forward, pushing his hands away from her grasp gently. His voice is steady but strained. "Cassandra, no. Don't do this. This... this is not how we end things. You're just asking for closure, right? This is closure." Cassandra looks up at him, her face flushed. "I thought we had something real, Gabe. This... this doesn't feel real. You can't just turn away from what we had so easily."
I'm rooted to the spot, my mind spinning. What does this mean for me? How could Gabe have been with her for so long, and yet... just like that, it's over? I want to call out and confront them both, but I stay quiet. I don't know why- maybe because I need to hear more. I need to know exactly what Gabe feels before I make any rash decisions.
She's implying she wants an affair between them...right? And she does not care for her husband or my feelings... right? That she considers me as nobody because he still loves her right? That Gabe is using me as her replacement... right? That I am his rebound... right?
Cassandra does not even know me- or us- and she is right. She does know him so well. In the future, my future before now, I also discover that I am the stand-in for her. A bitterness rises along with the hurt I am experiencing. My stomach twists and I recall them at dinner... her long slender fingers on his arm, her laugh so soft and feminine and a storm brews inside me. Jealousy clawed at my composure, but I shove it down.
Gabe exhales sharply, standing up abruptly. "I'm not coming back to you, Cassandra. I'm done. This is it. No more." The finality in his words hits me harder than I expected. Hearing his rejection of her, all the questions swirling in my mind become sharper and clearer.
Why?
Something about the way Gabe spoke... it triggered a storm of emotions inside me. Why hadn't Gabe cut her off completely before? Why did he allow this meeting here to transpire? A continuation from the other day when she showed up? Why did he let her believe she could still have a place in his life? Did he truly move on from her so easily?
Gabriel disgusts me in this moment. Both of them. I can't stand it anymore. I turn and walk back toward the front of the house, my heart pounding in my chest. I've heard enough. Too much, maybe.
But as my feet take me to the front, my thoughts linger on... if what Cassandra said is true- who am I kidding, of course it is- then Gabe has grown up with her. That was the purest and rarest kind of love. Nobody could compete with that.
Is it possible to feel your heart tearing?
The doorbell echoes in the quiet house as I ring it again, louder this time, hoping to get Gabe's attention. He opens the door a moment later, his face strained making it obvious that he hadn't expected me.
Guilt.
"Megara, what are you doing here?" he asks, his voice low, guarded. I open my mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a breathless laugh. I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend that I'm okay with everything that's happening. "I just- I don't know what I'm supposed to feel anymore."
His eyes widen, and a frown tugs at his lips when it dawns on him that I know who was here with him. He steps forward, reaching out to touch my arm. "Meg, please. It's not what you think."