The night felt endless as Qin Lan lay awake, her mind spinning from Lu Yan's confession. The room was dark, the only sound the soft hum of the air conditioning, but Qin Lan's thoughts were loud, drowning out everything else.
"A substitute," she repeated the word over and over in her mind, the sting of it making her heart ache. No matter how much Lu Yan had tried to soften the blow, that was what she had been in his eyes all along—a replacement for the woman he truly loved.
But she's gone, Qin Lan reminded herself. He had said so himself—his white moonlight was not coming back. But did that mean he was truly ready to move on with her? Or was this just another way of keeping her at arm's length?
She tossed and turned, unable to shake the conversation. Lu Yan had never opened up to her like that before, and part of her wanted to believe that he was sincere. But how could she be sure? How could she trust him after everything?
As the first light of dawn filtered through the curtains, Qin Lan made up her mind. She needed answers. Real answers.
---
That morning, Qin Lan dressed quickly, her mind set on confronting the issue head-on. Lu Yan was already downstairs when she entered the dining room, sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, reading the news on his tablet. He looked calm, collected, as if nothing had happened the night before.
But Qin Lan wasn't in the mood for small talk.
"Lu Yan, we need to talk," she said, her voice firm.
Lu Yan looked up, his expression neutral. "About last night?"
"Yes." She sat down across from him, her hands resting on the table. "I've been thinking about what you said, and I need to know more. If you're serious about starting over, then I need to understand where we really stand."
Lu Yan set down his tablet, giving her his full attention. "What do you want to know?"
Qin Lan took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "You said that you want to move forward, that you want to make this marriage real. But how can I believe that when you've been holding onto someone else all this time? How do I know that I'm not just… second best?"
Lu Yan's gaze softened, and for a moment, he looked genuinely remorseful. "I know I've hurt you, Qin Lan, and I don't expect you to forgive me right away. But I meant what I said. I'm done living in the past. I've spent too long pretending that I could forget her, but the truth is, she's gone. I can't keep living with the ghost of what might have been."
Qin Lan's eyes narrowed. "But you did for years. You married me while still holding onto her. Why should I believe you've changed now?"
Lu Yan was silent for a moment, his jaw tightening. "Because I'm tired of living a lie. This marriage may have started as a contract, but it doesn't have to stay that way. I want to give us a real chance."
Qin Lan felt a flicker of something—hope, maybe—but she quickly pushed it down. This wasn't about emotions; it was about truth.
"Who was she?" Qin Lan asked, her voice quieter now. "Your white moonlight. You never told me her name."
Lu Yan's expression shifted slightly, a flicker of pain crossing his face before he quickly masked it. "Her name was Song Rui," he said, his voice low. "We were together before everything… before the marriage, the business. But things fell apart. I had obligations I couldn't ignore, and she couldn't wait for me forever."
Qin Lan's heart clenched at the name. Song Rui. A name she had never heard before, yet somehow it felt like a punch to the gut. This was the woman who had been between them all along.
"What happened to her?" she asked, not sure if she really wanted to know the answer.
Lu Yan sighed, rubbing his temples. "She left. She didn't tell me where she was going, didn't give me a chance to fix things. One day, she was just… gone."
Qin Lan stared at him, trying to process what he was saying. Song Rui had left him. Not the other way around. For years, she had assumed that Lu Yan had been the one to push this woman away, but now it seemed like the opposite was true.
"And you never tried to find her?" Qin Lan asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"I did," Lu Yan admitted. "For a long time. But she didn't want to be found. I eventually had to accept that."
Qin Lan's chest tightened. He had searched for her. He had spent years looking for the woman who had left him, all while married to her. How could she ever compare to that kind of love?
"I see," Qin Lan said, her voice hollow. She stood up, unable to sit still any longer. She needed space, needed to clear her head.
"Qin Lan—" Lu Yan began, standing up as well, but she held up a hand to stop him.
"I just need some time to think," she said quietly, turning to leave the room. "I'll be back later."
---
The day passed in a blur as Qin Lan wandered through the city, trying to make sense of everything. She walked aimlessly, her thoughts spinning, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the feeling of being trapped.
Lu Yan had finally been honest with her, but instead of bringing her clarity, it had only deepened her sense of uncertainty. How could she ever trust him? How could she build a life with a man who had spent years chasing after someone else?
By the time she returned home, the sun had already set. The house was quiet, and for a moment, she considered just going to bed and avoiding Lu Yan altogether. But as she walked into the living room, she found him sitting on the couch, a glass of whiskey in his hand.
He looked up when she entered, his expression unreadable. "You've been gone all day."
Qin Lan nodded, feeling a strange mix of guilt and frustration. "I needed some space."
Lu Yan didn't say anything for a moment, just took a sip of his drink. Then, he set the glass down and stood up, walking over to her.
"I know this isn't easy for you," he said quietly. "But I need you to believe me when I say that I want to make this work."
Qin Lan met his gaze, her heart pounding in her chest. Did she believe him? Could she even allow herself to?
"I don't know if I can do this, Lu Yan," she admitted, her voice trembling slightly. "I don't know if I can be with someone who's always going to see me as second best."
Lu Yan's eyes softened, and he reached out, gently taking her hand. "You're not second best, Qin Lan. Not to me."
She stared at him, searching his face for any hint of deception, but all she saw was sincerity. For the first time, she felt like he was truly seeing her, not as a substitute, but as someone real.
"But you loved her," Qin Lan whispered. "How can I compete with that?"
Lu Yan's grip on her hand tightened slightly, and he stepped closer, his voice low and firm. "You don't have to compete. She's gone, and you're here. That's what matters."
Qin Lan's heart skipped a beat as he spoke, his words wrapping around her like a lifeline. Could it really be that simple? Could they really move forward, just like that?
"I don't want to live in the past anymore," Lu Yan said, his gaze steady. "I want to build a future with you. If you'll let me."
For a long moment, Qin Lan didn't say anything. She just stared at him, trying to make sense of everything. Could she trust him? Could she truly let go of her doubts and give him the chance he was asking for?
"I need time," she finally said, her voice barely a whisper.
Lu Yan nodded, his expression understanding. "Take all the time you need."
---
End of Chapter 13
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