The morning sun filtered through the large windows, casting a soft glow across the spacious living room. Qin Lan stood by the kitchen counter, stirring her coffee absentmindedly. Her mind was still swimming with thoughts from the night before. She and Lu Yan had been moving in a positive direction lately, but something about the previous conversation stuck with her—his mention of how difficult it would be to rebuild their relationship.
How much longer would they have to wait until they could truly move forward?
The silence of the house was interrupted by the faint sound of Lu Yan's footsteps as he descended the stairs. His appearance was relaxed, with his hair still slightly damp from a shower and dressed casually in a sweater and jeans. He seemed more at ease than he had been in days, but Qin Lan could still sense the tension lingering beneath the surface.
"Good morning," he greeted her with a soft smile, walking over to pour himself a cup of coffee.
"Morning," Qin Lan replied, offering a small smile of her own.
For a moment, they stood in silence, sipping their coffee. The unspoken tension hung in the air between them, and Qin Lan felt the weight of it pressing down on her chest. She knew that they couldn't keep avoiding the deeper issues forever, but part of her was afraid to push too hard, too soon.
As if sensing her unease, Lu Yan glanced over at her. "What's on your mind?"
Qin Lan hesitated, unsure of how to answer. She could feel the words bubbling up inside of her, but she didn't know if she was ready to voice them.
"I've been thinking about what you said last night," she finally admitted, her voice soft. "About how difficult it will be to rebuild trust."
Lu Yan's expression grew serious as he set his coffee down on the counter. "I meant what I said," he replied, his voice steady. "It's not going to be easy, but I believe we can do it."
"I believe you, too," Qin Lan said, her gaze meeting his. "But I'm still scared. I'm scared that I'll never be able to fully trust you again. I'm scared that we'll always have this cloud hanging over us."
Lu Yan stepped closer to her, reaching out to take her hand in his. "I understand," he said softly. "And I don't blame you for feeling that way. But I want you to know that I'm committed to making this work. I don't want us to live in the shadow of the past forever."
Qin Lan nodded, appreciating his honesty. She knew that he was trying, but the fear still lingered in the back of her mind. She didn't want to live her life constantly second-guessing his intentions or wondering if he was still holding onto feelings for Song Rui.
"I just don't want to feel like I'm competing with a memory," Qin Lan said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.
"You're not," Lu Yan replied, his grip on her hand tightening slightly. "Song Rui is my past. You are my present, and I want you to be my future."
His words were sincere, and Qin Lan wanted to believe them. But a part of her still felt like a substitute, a stand-in for someone who had once been the love of his life. It was a feeling she couldn't shake, no matter how much she wanted to.
"I hope you mean that," Qin Lan said, her voice tinged with vulnerability. "Because I can't keep living like this—always questioning where I stand."
Lu Yan's gaze softened as he reached up to gently brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "I know. And I promise you, I'll do everything I can to prove that you're the only one that matters to me now."
Qin Lan's heart fluttered at his words, but the lingering doubt still gnawed at her. Could she ever truly believe him?
---
Later that day, Qin Lan found herself in the office, staring blankly at her computer screen. She had a meeting with a new client in less than an hour, but her mind kept drifting back to her conversation with Lu Yan.
Zhang Lei, noticing her distraction, leaned over from the next desk. "You seem lost in thought. Everything okay?"
Qin Lan glanced over at her friend, offering a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm just thinking about things."
Zhang Lei raised an eyebrow. "Lu Yan things?"
Qin Lan sighed, nodding. "It's just… complicated. He says all the right things, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm still second place in his heart. Like I'm just filling the space that Song Rui left behind."
Zhang Lei frowned, leaning closer. "Have you talked to him about this?"
"I have," Qin Lan said, her voice heavy with frustration. "He says I'm not competing with anyone, but I can't help but feel like I'm always being compared to her. It's like no matter what I do, I'll never be her."
Zhang Lei was silent for a moment, her expression thoughtful. "Qin Lan, you're not a replacement for anyone. Lu Yan chose to be with you, and that means something. But I get it—trust takes time to rebuild. Just don't let the past control your future."
Qin Lan nodded, appreciating her friend's words. But even as Zhang Lei spoke, the fear still lingered in the pit of her stomach. What if Lu Yan's feelings for Song Rui were still buried somewhere deep within him? What if those feelings never truly went away?
---
The evening was unusually quiet when Qin Lan returned home. Lu Yan wasn't there yet, and the house felt strangely empty without him. As she sat on the couch, her mind wandered back to the night when she had first learned about Song Rui. The heartbreak, the betrayal—it all felt so raw, even now.
Her phone buzzed, pulling her from her thoughts. It was a message from Lu Yan.
Lu Yan: I'm going to be late tonight. Have a meeting with the board.
Qin Lan stared at the message for a moment, her chest tightening. Another late night. Another excuse.
She shook her head, trying to push the negative thoughts away. But the doubt was already creeping in, whispering in her ear.
Was he really at a meeting? Or was he somewhere else, with someone else?
The paranoia was eating away at her, and Qin Lan hated herself for it. She hated the way her mind jumped to conclusions, the way every small action from Lu Yan felt like a potential betrayal.
But this was the reality she was living in now—a world where trust was fragile, and every moment felt like it could shatter at any second.
---
Hours passed, and Qin Lan found herself pacing the living room, her nerves on edge. It wasn't until nearly midnight that she heard the sound of Lu Yan's car pulling into the driveway. The front door creaked open moments later, and Lu Yan stepped inside, looking tired but composed.
"Sorry I'm so late," he said, his voice weary. "The meeting went longer than expected."
Qin Lan nodded, forcing a smile. "It's fine."
But it wasn't fine. The doubt was still there, gnawing at her insides, and no matter how hard she tried to push it away, it refused to leave.
Lu Yan stepped closer, his brow furrowing slightly as he studied her expression. "Are you okay? You seem… off."
Qin Lan hesitated, her heart racing. She could feel the words bubbling up inside of her, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to say them.
"I'm just tired," she finally replied, turning away from him. "It's been a long day."
Lu Yan didn't press her further, but Qin Lan could feel the weight of his gaze on her. How much longer could they keep pretending that everything was okay?
---
End of Chapter 16
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