The night was still, but Qin Lan's mind was anything but calm. She lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, her heart aching with a pain she couldn't describe. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the photographs—Lu Yan and the mysterious woman, their closeness, the unspoken bond between them. Her chest tightened as she recalled Lu Yan's confession. He hadn't outright said it, but his silence had confirmed her worst fears. She was never meant to be the one.
Qin Lan's phone buzzed on the nightstand, snapping her out of her thoughts. It was a message from her closest friend, Yu Fei.
Hey, I know you've been stressed lately. Want to talk?
She stared at the message, her fingers hovering over the screen. A part of her wanted to tell Yu Fei everything—to pour out her heart and cry in her friend's arms—but another part of her felt too broken to even begin. What could she say? That her marriage had been a sham from the start? That she had fallen in love with a man who had never truly belonged to her?
Instead, she typed back: Not tonight. I'm tired. I'll talk to you later.
Setting the phone down, she forced herself to get up. The apartment was too quiet, the silence pressing in on her from all sides. She needed air. She needed to escape, even if only for a moment.
---
Qin Lan slipped out of the bedroom, expecting to find Lu Yan still in the living room. But when she looked around, the apartment was empty. His jacket was gone, and so were his keys.
Her heart sank. Of course. He had left.
She didn't know where he had gone, but she had a sinking feeling he wasn't alone. Maybe he was with her—that woman from the photos. Maybe he needed to be with someone who could give him what Qin Lan couldn't. The thought twisted like a knife in her gut, but she shoved it aside. She couldn't think about that right now.
Grabbing her own coat, Qin Lan stepped out into the cool night air. The city was alive around her, the streets buzzing with people, but she felt utterly alone. She wandered aimlessly, her thoughts a chaotic whirlwind.
As she walked, her mind drifted back to the beginning of their marriage. The contract had been clear—this was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. A marriage in name only, a way to fulfill obligations. But along the way, Qin Lan had started to hope for something more. She had allowed herself to fall for Lu Yan, to believe that maybe, just maybe, their marriage could turn into something real.
But now, all those hopes felt like foolish fantasies.
---
Qin Lan wasn't sure how long she had been walking when she found herself in front of a familiar café. It was the same place where she and Lu Yan had shared their first real conversation. She remembered that day vividly—how he had been cold and distant at first, but then, as the evening wore on, he had softened. They had laughed, talked about their goals, and for a brief moment, Qin Lan had seen a glimpse of the man he could be underneath the façade.
Now, standing in front of the café, Qin Lan felt the weight of that memory crush her. How had things gone so wrong?
She walked inside and ordered a cup of coffee, sitting by the window as she watched the world outside. Her mind raced, replaying every conversation, every moment with Lu Yan. Had she missed the signs all along? Was she truly just a substitute in his life?
As the hours passed, her coffee grew cold, but Qin Lan didn't move. She was lost in her thoughts, trying to figure out what to do next. Leaving him felt like the only option, but the thought of it terrified her. Could she really walk away from everything? From the man she had come to love, even if he didn't love her the same way?
---
It was late when Qin Lan finally returned to the apartment. The lights were off, and Lu Yan still wasn't home. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she walked through the darkened living room, her footsteps echoing in the empty space. She felt hollow inside, as if all the fight had drained out of her.
As she reached the bedroom, she found herself stopping in front of Lu Yan's study. The door was slightly ajar, a faint light spilling out from inside. Curiosity tugged at her, and she hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open.
Inside, the room was neat, as always, but something caught her eye on the desk. A small, worn-out photo frame, one she had never seen before. Her heart skipped a beat as she stepped closer, her fingers trembling as she picked it up.
It was a photo of Lu Yan and the woman from the pictures. They looked younger, happier. The woman was smiling brightly, her arms wrapped around Lu Yan as he gazed at her with a softness Qin Lan had never seen in him. The sight of it sent a fresh wave of pain crashing through her.
This was the truth. This was the woman he had loved, the one who still haunted his heart.
Qin Lan sank into the chair, clutching the photo as tears blurred her vision. She had been fooling herself all this time. No matter how hard she tried, she could never compete with the ghost of this woman—Lu Yan's white moonlight.
---
Hours passed before Qin Lan finally heard the sound of the front door opening. Her body tensed as Lu Yan walked in, his footsteps heavy. He paused in the doorway of the study, his eyes immediately landing on the photo in her hands.
"You weren't supposed to see that," he said quietly, his voice laced with regret.
Qin Lan looked up at him, her eyes red and puffy from crying. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, her voice hoarse. "Why did you let me believe there was a chance for us?"
Lu Yan sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Because I didn't want to hurt you," he admitted. "I didn't plan for any of this to happen, Lan. I thought I could... move on. I thought I could make things work between us."
Qin Lan shook her head, her voice trembling. "But you didn't. You never moved on from her."
Lu Yan didn't deny it. Instead, he sat down across from her, his expression tired. "I tried," he said softly. "I really did. But she... she was the one who got away. And no matter how much time passes, I can't seem to forget her."
Qin Lan felt her heart shatter all over again. His confession was everything she had feared, but hearing it out loud made it so much more real.
"I can't do this, Lu Yan," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I can't be second in your heart. I can't live in her shadow anymore."
Lu Yan looked at her, his eyes filled with guilt. "Lan, I'm sorry."
She stood up, her hands shaking as she set the photo back on the desk. "I need some time," she said, her voice cracking. "I need to think."
Without waiting for his response, Qin Lan turned and walked out of the study, her heart heavy with the weight of his unspoken love for someone else.
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End of Chapter 20
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