The morning light spilled into the apartment, highlighting the emptiness of the bed beside Qin Lan. She hadn't slept; the weight of the previous night's revelations was too heavy. She had spent hours tossing and turning, her mind replaying Lu Yan's words and the haunting image of the photo frame in his study.
How could someone so close feel so far away?
---
Qin Lan found herself sitting in the small corner of the apartment she'd claimed as her workspace. Her unfinished designs lay scattered on the desk, but she couldn't bring herself to focus. A knock at the door startled her, breaking the suffocating silence.
When she opened it, she was surprised to find Yu Fei standing there, her arms crossed and a worried expression on her face.
"Lan, I couldn't stop thinking about you. What's going on? You look like you've been crying all night." Yu Fei stepped inside without waiting for an invitation, her gaze scanning the apartment.
Qin Lan tried to force a smile, but it fell flat. "It's nothing. I just didn't sleep well."
"Don't lie to me," Yu Fei said firmly, sitting down on the couch and patting the seat beside her. "Talk to me."
For a moment, Qin Lan hesitated. She had always been good at hiding her emotions, at putting on a brave face, but Yu Fei's concern broke through her walls. She sat down, her hands trembling as she began to speak.
"It's Lu Yan," she admitted. "I found out something last night... something that makes me wonder if I've been fooling myself this entire time."
---
As Qin Lan recounted the events of the previous night, Yu Fei listened intently, her expression shifting between anger and sadness. When Qin Lan finally finished, her friend reached out and took her hand.
"Lan, you can't keep living like this," Yu Fei said softly. "You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not someone who's stuck in the past."
"I know," Qin Lan whispered, her voice breaking. "But it's not that simple. I don't even know how to untangle myself from this... from him."
Yu Fei's grip tightened. "Then you need to figure out what you want. Do you want to keep fighting for him, or do you want to walk away? Either way, you have to make a choice. You can't keep torturing yourself like this."
Qin Lan nodded, but deep down, she wasn't sure if she was ready to make that decision.
---
Later that day, Qin Lan found herself wandering the city again, her thoughts swirling. She ended up at the art gallery where she often sought solace. The quiet atmosphere and the vibrant colors of the paintings usually brought her peace, but today, even the beauty around her couldn't ease the turmoil in her heart.
As she stood in front of a particularly striking piece—a stormy seascape that seemed to mirror her emotions—she felt a presence beside her. Turning, she was startled to see Lu Yan.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice sharper than she intended.
"I could ask you the same thing," he replied, his tone calm but guarded. "I needed some space to think, and I thought I might find you here."
Qin Lan frowned, unsure of what to say. The tension between them was palpable, but she couldn't bring herself to walk away.
"I didn't know you liked art," she said finally, her voice softer.
Lu Yan's lips twitched in a faint smile. "There's a lot you don't know about me."
The words stung, a bitter reminder of the distance between them. Qin Lan turned back to the painting, her emotions bubbling dangerously close to the surface.
"Lan," Lu Yan said after a moment, his voice uncharacteristically hesitant. "About last night... I'm sorry."
She glanced at him, her eyes searching his face for sincerity. "What exactly are you sorry for, Lu Yan? For lying to me? For making me think there was a chance for us? Or for still being in love with her?"
Lu Yan's jaw tightened, and for a moment, he looked away. "I'm sorry for hurting you," he said finally. "That was never my intention."
"But you did," Qin Lan said, her voice trembling. "You hurt me more than you can imagine."
They stood in silence, the weight of their unspoken emotions hanging heavy between them. Finally, Qin Lan took a deep breath, her resolve hardening.
"I need time, Lu Yan," she said quietly. "I need to figure out what I want... and what I deserve."
Lu Yan nodded, his expression pained. "I understand."
---
When Qin Lan returned to the apartment that evening, she felt a strange mix of relief and sadness. She had finally confronted Lu Yan, but it didn't make the pain go away. If anything, it only made her more aware of the depth of her feelings for him—and the impossibility of their situation.
She found herself standing in front of the photo frame again, her heart aching as she stared at the image of Lu Yan and his white moonlight. For the first time, she allowed herself to truly mourn the relationship she had hoped for, the love she had dreamed of but would never have.
End of Chapter 21
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