After weeks of agonizing anticipation, the day finally arrived. Cassian stood in the small courtyard of the orphanage, his backpack slung over one shoulder, his heart pounding with a mix of excitement and trepidation. He was going to leave this place behind—one that he had never chosen as home—while embarking upon something new with Sarah and Mark.
"Ready?" Sarah's voice drilled into his mind, bright with a smile that told him everything would be okay.
Cassian nodded, but the words clung to the back of his throat. There was a lump of anxiety that knotted his stomach. He had often dreamed of this moment, hundreds of times it seemed, and yet now that it was finally here, doubt chewed at his insides. What if this new family rejected him? What if he didn't belong?
Mark kneet down beside him. "We're so excited to have you join our family, Cassian; there's lots to show you!"
As they drove out from under the orphanage roof, Cassian glanced in the backview through the rear window of the sedan. He could see the building where he had spent so much of his life—a prison, really. The feeling of relief was tempered by a pang of nostalgia at leaving this life behind. So, though the miles ticked by, so did the doubt: Was it going to be any better in this new life?
The city retreated into fields of emerald and mountains half-hidden in the distance. The sun was still high, still shining brightly, putting everything into warm gold paint. Cassian pressed his face against the window and stared at all the bright colors that had captivated him but made him feel so alien and apart from everything that existed. It was wonderful here, foreign, and intimidating.
"Welcome to Windy Mountains, Colorado!" Mark declared with a wide smile as they entered the small little town bracing at the base of the magnificent range. "We live in a pretty cozy cabin up there," he said, pointing to the mountains looming in the distance, their peaks kissed by clouds.
His heart leaped at the sight, but excitement cut short was overwhelmed by doubt. Would they really want him? He had spent so long trying not to be noticed; how could he possibly fit in here?
In fact, the trees lined up on either side of the twisting road that took them through the stand grew taller and denser, and the feel in the air was crisp and clean, full of pine and earth. The final destination was a snug little log cabin with all the rough charms melded right into the surroundings.
"This is it!" Sarah said, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
He stepped out of the car, scanning the cabin and the property around it. Everywhere were wildflowers strewn about, and not a hundred feet from where he stood, a small stream babbled, its water dancing in the sun. Awe washes over him, but with it came an unsettling sense of unworthiness: really his home?
Mark opened the door, and they entered. The interior was warm and inviting, plastered with rustic furniture as well as photographs of family lining the walls. There was a fire in the stone fireplace, and the fragrance of freshly baked cookies still lingered through the air.
"Make yourself at home," Mark encouraged, gesturing toward the sitting room, replete with thick sofas and overflowing bookshelves. "Your room is upstairs, and we've set it up just for you."
Cassian made his way up the staircase, his heart weighed down by uncertainty. He threw open the door to his new room, and his breath caught in his throat. Pale blue painted the walls of the room, which had a bed covered in a fine quilt against one wall. On the opposite corner, there was a desk and a window to view the breathtaking mountains. He was trapped in the place where dreams seemed to flourish—but it also felt unreal, not really his, and more as if it were some fantasy he did not deserve.
This was incredible! he puffed, turning to see Sarah and Mark standing in the doorway, beaming from ear to ear. But the heat of their warmth only served to make him more dubious. What if he couldn't measure up to their expectations?
"We thought you'd like it," Sarah said softly. "We want you to feel at home.".
As they settled into their new life with one another, Cassian found himself getting drawn to the outdoors. Each day brought him exploring the land surrounding the cabin, finding hidden paths, and secret spots along the stream. Mountains loomed above him like silent guardians with whispers of promise of adventures, but for him the shadows in the wake of past clung still.
At night, when lying in bed, the memories crept back: his parents' faces, the weight of their absences. He could not reconcile the beauty of this new place with the pain that remained. Could he really belong to this pretty place, these people who had chosen him?
After hours of running outside, one afternoon, Cassian was running through the meadows that stretched toward the mountains. The wind swept through his hair, and he felt a momentary freedom—of life. But with the rhythm of feet pounding against the ground came doubt. Was it happiness? Was it only a fleeting moment?
It was like that adrenaline was pushing him to work harder. The distance between him and memories was opening up, but it'd always return to him. He still had uncertainty lingering within his chest, the fear that he might not be good enough.
And when he returned home, panting and exhilarated, Sarah and Mark were sitting on the porch, watching him. Cassian couldn't help but grin at their proud smiles, though bittersweet.
"Where did you learn to run like that?" Mark asked, voice full of genuine admiration.
"I don't know, I just like to run," Cassian said, getting red. "It helps me think.".
"Well, we'd love to get you involved in the local running club. There are races and events throughout the year!" Sarah exclaimed. But Cassian couldn't help but feel a niggle of doubt. What if I fail?
For the first time that night, as he sat down to dinner in the warmth of the new family, hope blazed within his chest; so fragile though. As he sat in that little cabin high up among the Windy Mountains, it felt more like a beginning than home.
For the first time in years, he felt he could get his happiness back. Still, the whispers of doubts lingered still, murmuring in quiet moments. Maybe it was merely time that he needed to really believe he belonged.