The mag was half empty...
I started to feel despair, throwing the gun across the room. "Fuck! what the hell is wrong with that thing! You're telling me a whole mag worth of ammo was no good?" The fact that if I were to use the gun in a situation where I would need it, it would've just failed angered me even more. But in this moment, that was irrelevant. Knowing that I could have died a dozen times was making my mind wonder in different directions
I took my anger out on the desk. After a few punches, my fist had made a very prominent dent in the center of the desk. "No, I really can't stop now. I just can't. I need to do this, I won't leave it for another day" I rushed out my house, grabbing my favorite jacket before leaving
"I'll throw myself off a goddamn building if I have to" I quickly got into my car and speeded off, "hehehe I'll just do it right now at high speeds, I won't feel a thing....Who am I kidding I don't want to hurt anyone else" the nearest city was 10 minutes away from my suburban house, which gave me time to think "Ya I guess I'll just throw myself off the highest building I find. I'm desperate."
"Does God really want me alive that badly? I've provided no value to this world and yet miracles are being wasted on me. Well, I guess I'll ask him myself once I fucking die ... and after getting past this traffic I guess ... Should I just break the laws at this point? It won't matter anyway. Yaaaa but I don't want to harm anyone innocent. I guess I'll follow the rules like a npc as always."
Finally I'm here. which one of these tall buildings will I choose aaaaaand I'll go withhhhhh !THAT ONE"
I rushed into the building before getting rudely interrupted by a security guard
"Hey sir are you okay?"
the fuck does he mean by "am i okay" do I look unokay to him or something?
"Ya I'm fine" I responded in a silly tone
"Hey so I was wondering, can I go to the top floor of this place? I've never been on the top of a sky scraper" there was no way I was getting past security after noticing me, so I just made small talk
"This is a office building. If you want to go sightseeing you can. There's a building do-"
"Oh really? Thanks I'll go right away" I said in a sarcastic tone as I left the building in a hurry "I don't feel like talking to anyone" I mumbled to myself. I'll have to sneak into a building without their security noticing me.
All of my emotions were starting to boil up. I was afraid I was going to harm someone if there was one more minor inconvenience. I can't take this anguish anymore. What started as fast-paced walking turned into jogging, and what was previously jogging turned into running "I don't fucking care anymore" I busted into a building with a serious expression on my face. I could see my empty eyes on a near by mirror. I ran looking for the stairs, and it had seemed like my luck had gone up. A man was walking out a door with a sign indicating they were indeed stairs.
"HEY! watch were you're going!"
It seems like I ran into him a bit, but as always, I didn't care. I rushed up the stairs "oh shit I almost tripped" Wouldn't want to be paralyzed by some stairs. Finally, after 5 minutes, I reached the roof top. I took some time to catch my breath; it's been a while since I did this much physical activity. I walked up to the railing admiring the view...
Well, I guess this is really it. Nothing will be able to stop me now, and if something does I guess I'll just revert to whatever religion sent their angel to fucking stop me.
I was already on the other side of the railing; It was time to go. It almost felt a bit fun to do this little adventure, if it wasn't for the fact it was all to kill myself. Well, I wont stall anymore. The feeling of letting go of the railing was freeing, maybe I will find pe-
"WAIT DONT DO IT!"
A young women had grabbed on to me from my back stopping my fall "Wh- what the hell are you doing?" I turned my head to look at her.
"I don't know why you want to kill yourself but please don't do it. I'm sure there are a lot of people that love you and.. and that reallllly don't want you to die!"
She seemed out of breath. Did she really run all the way up here just to stop me? How are all these people sensing that I'm going to end it "I don't have anyone. they're either dead or don't give a shit, so why should you. There is nobody who loves me so, there you go. Do I have permission to die miss "I want to save some random dude""
"No! Y-you have so much to live for and you're so young you can umm uhhh-"
She seemed to be stumbling on her words. She probably wasn't expecting that response, and I get it. Usually people do this kind of suicide when there not thinking right but for me, it's just my only option at the moment.
"Just let me go. It's not in your hands okay. Its my life, let me go and I'll throw myself after you leave so you don't feel guilty or what ever."
"Th-that's not the point. You're not going to die now that you're in my reach"
"why the fuck do you care ? Fine how about I take you down wi-"
"I LOVE YOU OKAY"
"What? You don't even know me"
"You said there was nobody that loved you right? If there's someone out there that loves you, as in me, then you have no right to kill yourself!"
"What kind of fucking logic is that? Come on just let me go"
"I'm not letting you go!"
"Oh my god your so annoying. You know what how about I do take you up on your little offer? Since you love me so much I guess you wont mind being bound to me the rest of your life. We'll have kids, you'll cook, clean ill smash a beer bottle on your head every once in a while, and we'll be happy ever after like a npc family"
"Yes that sounds great"
"What? Are you serious? I could be a piece of shit for all you know? And I was just joking"
"That doesn't matter. If that's what it takes then I'll do it."
"Ar- are you retarded? Okay okay... hold on, I'll get back on the other side of the railing just let me go"
This situation was getting ridiculous. My emotions of despair and sadness were replaced by confusion and shyness because of this absurd situation. I slowly passed to the other side of the railing. Fear set in as I realized how high up i was.
"So ummm... what's your name?"
She spoke in a tone that made it seem she was trying to make a new friend in school.
"My name is Daniel." I thought of how this woman was going to keep the conversation going. Is she really just going to small talk me to death?
"ahem"
"???"
"aheeeem"
"..." Nothing but prolonged silence and confusion came from my end.
"Ask my name. Do you not know how to socialize?"
"Oh, you know maybe my 10 years of being alone made me lose my social ability, but did you ever think of that?", her eyes started to tear up as if she felt the 10 years I was alone in that instant.
"I- I'm sorry"
"There is no way your actually going to cry just from me saying that"
"What do you mean. Of course, I feel sad for you? That's so... unfortunate"
"I feel like your being sarcastic."
"I'm not being sarcastic! "Okay Daniel, this is what were going to do: we are going to have a pizza date at 2:00 pm"
"Pizza? did your little brain not come up with anything else?"
"Well, I just thought that maybe you don't have money, and its the only thing I can afford and-"
i quickly glanced at my watch that I've never bothered to take off "Okay okay, what ever I'll be there... I mean, I guess we'll just walk there together while we're at it. After all its 1:55"
'Yes! we'll walk together, this roof makes me nervous"
....
So... what's your name?
"Yes you see, you can socialize without being a meanie! My name is Emily, it's a pleasure to meet you.
"Ya um sure..." She had a bright smile and her hair blow in the wind perfectly as if we were in the final episode of some npc romance anime but this was just the start of a very tantric romance.