Damn, so I guess we're starting this huh? Well the name's Spike Dogtooth and if you didn't read the synopsis (Which I don't blame you for, even I don't read that shit!) I wanna be a mob boss. I'm sure you're wondering "hey Spike how are you the one narrating? Where's the narrator? Blah, blah blah! Well enough already ok? Sheesh, can't a guy narrate his own story here? Anyway him and I(I and him? I can't remember) had a little uh... chat and uh, let's just say he "let" me do his job. Besides, it's a win win! I get to tell my awesome story of how I well did the nearly impossible while he gets to do other stuff narrators do when they're not uh..narrating I guess. What do those guys even do when they're not watching everything we do like a bunch of creeps? Oh whatever, let's get this ball rolling shall we? (Ooh I love me some balls hehe)
It all begins on a normal island where something not so normal's going on. What do I mean by not so normal you may ask? Well I mean a neanderthal dressed tribal loon's running like a madman from a t rex with arms so muscular they make the Rock look like a pebble kind of "not so normal"
It seems this looney neanderthal's trying to get back to his village but the t rex as other plans, plans involving neanderthal flavoured steak, medium rare! (Mmm, I could go for some of that actually!) As the towering beast gets closer, the caveman clown begins to think, he's not gonna make it in time, he won't see his clan or his family again it's dll over for him and, my faithless audience, you're all probably wondering how I know what he's thinking. Well the answer to that is simple... SPIKE DOGTOOTH DOES WHAT HE DOES CUZ HE WANTS TO! Now where was I? Oh yeah, it seems I wasnt the only one who could read the mind of the caveman as the t rex stopped the chase and asked the caveman a question."Do you have a family?" it said exposing its array of man eating teeth and before you ask "why is it talking?" tell how many actual bodybuilding t rexes you've seen then I'll get back to you.
The caveman responded yes and upon doing so, the T rex shouted "Yes this changes everything!".The caveman was confused and was soon horrified at what the T rex told him next "How about I spare your life in exchange for your family?" Of course the caveman being a dumbass refused and shouted There's no way in hell I'll let you eat my family! I'd rather die alone you reptilian bastard! the T rex was immediately and understandably enraged and proceeded to eat the caveman but luckily the caveman being a dumbass had one advantage..I like dumbasses! I watched the scene immaculately on top of a nearby mountain and decided to help this particular dumbass out. Not because he was he was gonna get eaten, no no no my audience, I couldn't give 2 shits out him, it was because I'll do anything to protect anyone willing to protect their loved ones. That was my code and I swore to live by it!
I lept from the mountain with my herculean strength and when the T rex noticed me it decided to clash my soon to be incoming fist with his!
" No! Why are you here" it shouted! Angry and terrified at my presence.
" Because my code won't let you hurt such a brave dumbass! "
I shouted back. It then brought it's fist and our attacks met, shaking the whole island to it's core and even causing tidal waves!But soon I turned the tides by using my secret ability and overpowered the muscular dinosaur , killing it with one powerful move
Doggy style: first form, Bonebreaker (I agree the name needs work though hehe)
The caveman looked at me in awe and got on his knees thanking me. Obviously this gesture infuriated me so I gave him a little knock on the head. Ok maybe not little since it was enough to make a hole in the ground but still...
"Aaargh!! Why did you do that ?! First you save me, then you send me crashing to the ground! Wait, I know you, you're... you're that dogman, the strongest monster on Monster island...Spike Dogtooth!!
Oh it seems I'm famous! Thats pretty flattering!
"What are you doing here? Shouldnt you be killing a giant monster instead of saving a useless caveman like me?"
Ah well I was leaving the island but on my way I saw the Trex chasing you and decided to watch and get a good laugh out of seeing it gobble you up!
W..well why did you save me if you wanted to see me get eaten? Could it be that you..
Hey now you little shit for brains! Don't go making any stupid assumptions about me! I only did it because of how you refused to let that Trex kill your family! It shows you ain't no coward and I like that!
Oh ok.. but wait a minute, I just heard you say you were leaving the island! Why? You'd rather leave the safety of this island to face a world filled with humans?!! I admit this land may have some dangers but you'd rather pick facing humans? Are you insane?
Of course I am! Hehe! I'm leaving this dinosaur infested shithole to face the biggest shithole of all, the world! To achieve my dream of one day becoming a Mob Boss!
Ok I get it, you really are insane. Leaving the island isn't enough so you decided to get an outlandish dream like that! Why! Don't you know criminals are hated worldwide! You'd be an enemy of the humans and every other face ruling the world! Not to mention the Order, who kill young dreamers like you for breakfast! Face it man, the world is filled with dangers! Just give up!
Pfft! Where you see danger, I see fun! Well I didn't pick this dream because it would be easy! I love a good challenge and my dream is the best one of all!
W..wow,( This guy is a complete idiot but I can't help but admire him)
But anywho, Ill be going then
So after parting ways with the caveman I headed to my ship at the beach of the island and hopped inside but then just when I was about to leave, I saw a sight which made my bones boil! It was the caveman and his entire village, all saying goodbye and thanks to me! Pfft! Like I need his thanks! Hmmm how about I go out there and teach this fool a lesson about me
However once my foot touched the ground I noticed instead of sandy it felt warm and..?sticky the n I looked at the caveman and noticed, he wasnt saying goodbye, he was saying..
Spike look out! But it was too late as what I was standing in was a mouth of a giant blue whale wearing...headphones? The whale closed it's mouth and gobbled me and my entire shop up and left to sea.
W..will the dog guy be alright dad? The caveman's daughter asked, horrified at the sight.
I d..don't know dear, I just don't know. And with that the caveman and his village headed back home with their same old mindset.. never venture into the outside world.
And so ends the story of Spike Dogtooth..or does it?
THE END...FOR NOW!?