AH! So it seems my little tale has got some of you young beautiful minds intrigued eh?
Well damn!
Since you're all so interested the show must go on I guess.
Onward!
But anywho where were we?Oh right, I was leaving my not so humble home of monster island till a whale with a headset had other plans ...
But let's not focus on me now. Let's focus on the bizarre happenings of a nearby ship. One that happens to be right* above the whale
On the edge of the ship thee was a teenage girl hanging on a stick right above the ocean. She wasn't a normal girl though, because she was green, and had a tail. It seems the fuckers on the ship want her dead since basically even looking into the ocean was a death sentence!
Not that I can relate hehe..
But anywho, her captors, the elusive Bathboy gang were the perpetrators of this crime and they had one solid reason for doing so.
She used all the soap on the ship!
No wonder they were feeding her to the little fishies. Okay big fishies, like the one I'm currently inside of. I'd do the same if some little shit for brains used all my soap! And yes I know I'm half dog so I'm not supposed to like baths but remember, I'm also half human too ya nitwits! Even if I bathe once a day, I least I still bathe. Unlike some of you!
Name:Camboy Lackean
Threat level:4( low level gangster)
Ability: Soap collector
Name:Riddle
Threat level:3( high level criminal)
Ability:The Soap bar sword
Name:Peter Pelvo
Threat level:3( high level criminal)
Ability: Pelvis pistol
This was the Bathboy gang and they were pissed since no soap meant no bath time, their favorite time of the day!
You little piece of decaying shit! How dare you use our soap ration to completion! And to clean your disgusting body of all things! Camboy the boss of this bathing obsessed trio shouted
I didn't! I only bath like twice a day! You idiots bath like 50 times daily! No wonder all your soap drained dry! The girl responded.
How dare you judge our bathing habits! Riddle, the gang's brawn said.
Can't you see, you little waste of space, when the body works, it needs an optimum about of soap to prevent the dreaded bad odour( immediately he mentioned that word Riddle and Camboy cringed in terror!) from appearing! Pelvo, the brains explained.
Still can't you just buy some more at the next town over?
Oh course not! We have no more Treats( The currency of this world! Try not to get confused!) since we tried to rob a town in that dreaded Capo Initiative only to be stopped by that twice a day bathing bastard Don of the Dondon gang!
That's why we had to sneak into your town nearby and kidnap you girl! So we can sell you into slavery and attain the funds we need!
To buy more soap!
Th..then why punish me now? I mean won't you need me to get more money?
Oh phease! We could always get another dlave! Hopefully someone who doesn't hog all the soap for herself. Camboy says, grabbing the lever to lower the girl into the sea monster infested water.
W.. wait! AAAH!! But her cries for help are drowned out when she's released into the water and starts drowning.
Ah good riddens!
Yes! Now we're free of that twice a day bathing brat!
Yes! Using all the soap was totally worth it!
Yes it wa...wait a minute... Riddle? It was you?!!
Wait Pelvo?!! How did you find out?!!
You just said it out loud my friend!
Oh, I am fond of revealing my plans if I don't get the right number of baths in today!
But why Riddle?
I'm sorry friends, I just couldn't handle a "twice a day"er using my soap so hypocritically! I mean if yourre not gonna bath the necessary number of times why bath at all? AAARGH!!"
Now, now brother calm down, we completely understand you"
Yes but how are we going to account for the soap situation?"
We're still not that far from Capo Initiative let's head there and rob the nearest town of all they're soap! It's not like they're using it anyway! "Damn twice a day"ers!!
Yes! Hahaha!!"
Damn, what a gang they are...I'm sorry to say readers but we'll be encountering their type..
A lot.
But anywho back to the little girl, she tried her best to swim, but the tides were setting in, making it nearly impossible for her and sadly, a giant sea monster had it's sights on her.
Actually, lucky for her, it had a pair of headphones on.
The creature gobbled her up faster than she could swim away. As she fell into it's belly, she could only think, No I can't believe this! All I did was run an errand for my dad only to be kidnapped by some soap obsessed freaks and thrown over board just for bathing! I mean what kind of dumb situation is this?!! Now I won't ever see my dad again and I ..sniff ..Im gonna get digested by this whale ah.. and but once she fell into the whale's giant stomach, she came face to face with the wierdest thing she had ever seen.
A half man half dog! Aka me hehe..
In fear she screamed and pulled out a dagger from her pocket. H..hey m..onster! Stay away! Don't eat me!
But to her surprise, this "monster" quivered in fear and began began to cry! Oh no my only weakness, small knives! P..please don't hurt me! I'm so scared!
Oh I'm sorry mister I didn't mean to scare you. She said and she itched closer to comfort the beast since he didn't seem that bad, only to be grabbed and brought closer to my gaping mouth!!
Hahahaha!! You little idiot! I can't believe you fell for it! Now I've gotten my self a free meal!
W..what? She said with terror in her voice.
Yup! You really thought a creature like my was scared of small knives?!! Seriously! What a joke. Now I'm gonna.. hey! Are you crying?
Yup she was crying
Stop that!
But she didn't.
Got any plans to stop?
Nope.
Uh, look I was just messing with ya kid! That's just how I am, I love messing with people! It's fun hehe
But she was still crying .
Hey now I uh look I'm feeling a little uncomfortable. Look if it makes you feel better that dagger is a little intimidating I guess.
I .I'm not crying because of you.
Oh?
I'm crying because I won't get to see my dad again.You see ..
Oh here we go! Now let me guess, you're gonna tell me your whole life story right?
W..well yeah. Aren't you interested?
Hell no! One thing I hate the most is weaklings yapping about their sad anime back stories!
What's an anime?
It's a forth wall thing kid. You wouldn't get it.
But the girl was still sulking, remembering her dad, all the fun times they had, all the lovely moments they shared, now look, now she's going to die by digestion from a whale listening to God knows what on those damn headphones.
The thought made her cry again
I hate when they cry.
Hey! Stop that.
But she kept crying
And crying
And crying
Damn it...I was gonna eat her but now she's more sad than afraid. Fear ruins the taste.Shit, well I guess I gotta cheer her up.
Hey kid !
But she was still crying.
Wonna see your dad?
That's when it stopped. It finally stopped. Thank the dog heavens!
Y..yeah?
Then how about we figure out a way to leave! Got any ideas?
Uh w..well there is a boat above us. Maybe we can find a way to make it vomit us out as an exit.
Actually scamp, I've got an exit right here I said looking up
Oh a boat, how convenient!
Huh? You don't mean But faster than she could finish her definitely disgusting assumption, I grabbed the little scamp and used my incredible strength to jump out of the whale's blowhole but sadly since we couldn't fit I had to force my way through.
Sadly for the whale at least. Ha!
Then using my awesome legs( Yeah I'm really glazing myself here. You would too if you had legs as awesome as mine!)Meanwhile the soap obsessed shitheads were in in the boat ... fighting over a bar of soap?!
It seems there was some left after all. One bar. And no one was in the mood to share, causing the boat to stay at one spot making our escape much easier.
Camboy tried to hog the bar but Riddle tackled him and they wrestled for him but Pelvo shot at them with his pistol only for it to fall out out Camboy's hands and into the exact spot where I was landing.
CRASH!
TE SOAP!!
You fools! It was the only one left!
How are we gonna ensure maximum cleanliness now?
Damn, it was my first time meeting them them but damn..these guys were insane and I'm not so same myself but damn..
Hell I didn't even describe how they looked.
Camboy was a large bulky blue man wearing nothing but a towel and a shower cap
Riddle was a short muscular green man with long dark green hair wearing a bath robe.
Pelvo was also wearing a bath robe but he was tall and lanky and wore one of those "trying to look cool" masks. You know! The ones people wear on Halloween that they look cool but are actually cringy as hell. Yeah those ones.
Ok now that we're on to speed with their getup now for the dialogue.
One stupid dialogue.
Ok you soap themed turds! Get the hell off my boat!
You don't own this boat! Does he guys?
Hell no! He's an intruder and he's gotta go.
Oh look he even brought the little "twice a day"er here! I thought we got rid of you!
Well spoiler alert you didn't "The girl said, then pulling out her dagger, posed in her most intimidating stance."Try getting rid of me now."
Naturally we all burst into uncontrollable laughter.
Hey! Stop it! What's so funny!
But we just ignored her and continued laughing on. Heck, we got so carried away Camboy held me by the shoulder to keep from falling.
Hey wait guys! Why are we laughing! A great tragedy alhas befallen us!
However, we were all confused by Pelvo and asked what was so wrong that it had to spoil such a wholesome moment.
They crushed our last bar of soap!!
Immediately the gang was enraged and Camboy pushed me aside.
Hey come on fellas! Don't tell me a little soap is gonna ruin the mood right?
A little soap? A LITTLE SOAP?! Don't give me that unclean heresy you germ infested "twice a day" er!
Hey now I don't get why being called a twice a day"er is so offensive but the joke's on you dibshit! I only bath once a day!
Probably..
sometimes..
Rarely..
Maybe..
UNACCEPTABLE!! The full screamed then pulled out his sword, a giant...bar of soap.
How surprising.
He then charged at me with such speed, to the untrained eye, he was teleporting in front of me but to my doggy eyes, he was as fast as a stationary tortoise.
Once the fool was in close range I let him feel a little move of mine.
Doggystyle: second form! Beagle!! I gave him a powerful smash that sent him flying without making enough for to destroy the ship.
Ah! he took down Riddle! What do we do boss?
We have to consult the oracle!
The oracle?
He pulled out a rubber duck.
A rubber duck.
This fool really had the audacity to pull out a rubber duck and call it his "oracle"
Pfft! HaaaaaaHahaha!! Nice "oracle" champ! Really sticking to your theme through and through huh? How cute!
Ah!" the girl shouted.. with some terror in her voice.
What did you call me?
Uh mister dogman sir, maybe you should take that ba..
Cute! I called you cute dumbass! What're you gonna do about it!
Oh here we go.
Out of nowhere Camboy pulled out a circular disk with a picture of a soap bar on it and put it on his chest. It was his soap collector.
Oh what's he doing now? Another soap themed attack?
Oh I guess you could say that" Pelvo said smirking under his stupid mask.
Uh mister Dogman sir, w..we gotta get outta here!
Why? It's not like he's gonna turn into a giant monster made of soap or anything...oh would you look at that.
Well who would have guessed it.
He seriously turned into a giant monster made of soap.
Of all the stupid idiotic..Who's writing this shit?!
DO I LOOK CUTE TO YOU NOW?!"The monster said exposing rows and rows of sharp teeth.
Yup"I graciously answered.
Enraged, the monster proceed to lower it's giant hand on us and tried to crush us. Luckily, my strength managed to stop the arm in it's tracks.
Damn .. this is too damn..uh..heavy!"
HAH! THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH THE BATHBOY GANG!! NOW TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MY SOAP COLLECTOR WHICH CAN GENERATE AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF INDESTRUCTIBLE SOAP THAT I CAN MOLD INTO ANY IMAGE I WANT!!"
M..Mister Dogman! Is this the end?!" The little girl said, holding me tight.
It was oddly comfortable.
To comfortable.
I needed her to get the fuck off me. Now!
What?! Hell no! I was just faking to I could get a laugh out of his reaction. You're not the shiniest coin in the purse are you little one?" And with that the little fool got off me and looked angry. Good riddens.
She started to make me feel sentimental for a second.
Of course I was faking! How could your lovable mc die in his second chapter? From SOAP of all things?!
Doggystyle third form: Boxer!
I quickly punched the soap fist away and it crumbled into a multitude of tiny bubbles.
The enraged monster roared loudly and tried another attack but I was just to quick for it as I dodged with relative ease with an incredibly high jump. Then I unleashed another attack on it
Doggystyle sixth form: Rottweiler!
And with one devastating blow, the monster crumbled to bubbles and Camboy was also sent flying. In the same direction as Riddle too. How hilarious.
Say hi to your bathrobe boytoy buddy!Haha!Did you see that girly? Knocked em all the way to Jupiter.
Oh yes we certainly saw you canine oaf!"
That wasn't the girl's voice. It was that lanky asshole Pelvo. He was holding the girl hostage. And then a long pole reached out of his bath robe from his pelvis. And it's not what you're thinking.
Ok you canine freak! Here's how this is gonna work. Get the fuck off my ship and let me find my friends or I blow this girl's whole back out with my Pelvis pistol and trust me, it's got enough punch to destroy her from the waste down!
M..mister dogman h..help!"
Huh, seeing him hold her like that.. it's making me furious for some reason.
Hey don't you need consent for that"
You stupid fuck! Don't play with me! I'll do it!
Then do it"
S.. seriously?"
What? You really think I'm gonna turn tail and run just because of some girl I barely know? Let me tell ya, Spike Dogtooth never runs from an enemy! He gobbles them whole!!"
I began to approach Pelvo and he was scared shitless. I should know.
I can smell fear.
I approached the fool calmly while he kept shouting about how he was gonna shoot the girl.
But I still approached.
Thats when he lost it and aimed the pistole for me.
Just as I planned. He shot a large cannonball out of it's tiny hole which was to small for it to fit through and it was heading for me.
I could dodge it but that might damage the ship. So I picked the most rational course of action
I ate it.
You ate it!! Pelvo and girl said in unison.
OF COURSE DIBSHIT! DID YOU REALLY THINK I WAS AFRAID OF YOUR LITTLE WEEWEE GUN?" I said, and your probably wondering why it's in all caps, well I just gave Pelvo my..uh, let's call it my angry face. And his entire body was trembling from the mere sight off it.
So much so it gave the girl the chance to escape.
And me the chance to eat Pelvo and no this isn't a joke. I'm gonna make a 5 star meal out of him.
Sadly he caught the gist of my plan and jumped into the ocean out of fear.
Good riddens.
Haha! Now I have the ship all to myself! Now where do I go? What chaos can I cause? The possibilities are endless!"
Then she started grabbing my cape.
WHAT!! Can't you see I'm in the middle of.. but before I could slfinosh she hugged me. And it felt..
Comfortable..
To comfortable..
So I pushed her off.
What do you want?"
C..can you please take me to my home? Why the hell should I?
B..but I thought you..
Listen maggot, didn't save you if that's what your thinking! I only beat up those fools for the boat!
B..but..I.
Don't even start with that anime backstory shit! Get the hell off my boat! Unless you want to be my lunch?!"
Fine then, I'll do this the hard way. Take me to my home. Now."
Then she did the same stance again which got me on the floor laughing.
Haha! So you're trying this shit again eh?!!"
Hmm I guess I don't need this dagger anymore.
She then threw the dagger..
So far I couldn't see it land..even farther than where I sent those soapy fools.
What the hell? Who are you?"
I'm Gecko Maria."
THE END..FOR NOW!