We were playing a very dangerous game. Yes, a game, apparently that's what this looks like. A game of constant push and pull between me and Leonel.
After what had happened, I started to avoid him too. But on occasions when my gaze searched for him, I was always met by those obsidian eyes. My nose scrunched up at the sudden thought of him again.
"You good, Qian?"
I stared beside me and found Paulo sitting there, looking at me with worry in his eyes.
"Fine"
I said shortly before continuing to read the notes on my desk. After that day, Paulo seemed to cling to me every chance he could.
And whenever that happens, Leonel's scowling face always comes into view. I might have lied when I told myself that I wasn't happy with Leonel's jealousy.
Seeing him almost seething in anger right now, was making me ecstatic. He was the one who started avoiding me and then proceeding to flirt with almost everyone in the group. But seeing how me doing the same thing was affecting him more made it feel like I've won in a way.
"Hey about later"
I turned my attention towards Paulo. Paulo wasn't your handsome guy, no, he was average. If I may say Leonel is more attractive than he is. He's short for a man, almost the same height as me and he dresses as if he was 50 years old.
There was nothing I found attractive when it came to him. I was merely enjoying his company for the sake of having one. And I was definitely using him just to get Leonel's attention. A pathetic move indeed but once I started doing so, it was pretty much very hard to stop.
"The watch party?"
We had similar tastes when it came to movies. That's one thing I could tolerate.
"Yeah, can we move it for tomorrow? I can't later"
I had invited him and some of the group for a watch party at the house later. But, I guess it'll be fine if we move it to tomorrow. I wasn't feeling like watching anymore either. I'm blaming my introverted ass for that.
"Sure I'll tell the others"
"Nah I'll tell them myself, no need to get up"
After saying that he got up from his seat and walked towards the group. I followed him before my eyes darted to where Leonel was standing again. He was leaning back against the window again, sharp eyes that were staring right back at me.
I lifted an eyebrow and decided to walk out of the room. I have no intention whatsoever to stare right back at him for the reason that I cannot hold his gaze.
I could never hold his gaze.
I let out a sigh and sat on the steps of the stair a few rooms away from the room where we were staying. I fished out my phone and plugged the earphone and stucked the buds on my ears.
Instantly the music started to play and my emotions that had been stirring and running wild started to settle down one by one. I closed my eyes and extended my legs down as I felt my head getting clearer again. It might sound dramatic but it always works.
After the song had finished I stood up and decided to walk back to the room but as I turned around I saw Leonel leaning on the wall just right behind me. His arms crossed right in front of his chest and his eyes soft.
I didn't know how long he had been there but he smiled softly when he saw me looking at him. I took off my earphones but he didn't say anything instead he just looked at me then walked towards me.
His steps were fast like he was hurrying to reach me. His arms outstretched as his hands held my cheeks too softly but too urgent. His mouth opened as he drew closer to me and for a second I thought he was going to kiss me.
For a moment I thought his mouth would crash on mine but he stopped. With only a few inches in between. With me holding my breath anticipating for what is to come next. Waiting for the kiss that should have happened.
But it didn't.
Instead he looked at me and in his eyes I saw the uncertainty that had flashed in there. The fear that momentarily disabled him and brought him back to sanity as he let go of my cheeks and muttered the words that will haunt me forever.
"I'm sorry"
Before once again he walked away from me.
I gasped out loudly as I felt my stomach turn upside down. As I felt the simmering rage inside of me bubble up.
He had got to be kidding me. He was taking things too far. I gritted my teeth as I tried to calm myself down because God I felt stupid as I felt the tears gathering right on my eyes.
No.
I wiped them away fast before any of them could fall. I will not cry over Leonel. Not with how he was toying with my feelings. He doesn't deserve it.
***
"You're alone?"
My eyes widened at Paulo who was carrying a whole bottle of coke and some snacks inside a plastic pack.
"Yeah everyone said they had something to do"
I frowned at that, Annika and the others never told me that they weren't coming or that they were going to ditch me. Because if they had then I would've canceled altogether instead of just spending it all alone with Paulo.
I opened the door wider for Paulo to enter and immediately pointed where he could sit. My parents and brother both had decided to give me the whole house since they learned that I had friends coming over.
I was still frowning but Paulo had a wide grin in his face as he sat in front of the television where the variety of movies were already in for us to pick.
"Sorry you had to spend it all alone with me"
I let out a sigh and decided to give him a small smile. I don't have any other choice anyway.
"It's fine, what do you want to watch first?"
"Notebook?"
I nodded at him and put it in play before settling down right beside him on the couch. I tried to focus on the movie but the occasional brush of Paulo's arm on my arm was making my skin tingle.
It was uncomfortable and it was something I'd rather not do.
"I'll go get us some cups"
I stood up and walked towards the kitchen but froze when I felt him walking right behind me. I turned around and saw his sheepish smile greeting me. He was standing too close to me.
"Hey so"
He spoke as he went near me putting me in between the kitchen sink and his body. And for a moment it had looked like he was taller than me, more bigger than I am.
"I hope I didn't read it wrong that you want to spend some time alone with me"
He smirked and immediately I understood what that unsettling feeling was.
"You told everyone that I canceled didn't you?"
His smirk finally broke into a grin as his hand landed on my cheeks then down to my waist. He grabbed it rather forcefully and pulled me closer towards him.
"See, you really are smart"
He said, his voice laced with something I couldn't identify before he let out a heavy breath. Before his lips crashed into mine. Before my whole world came crashing down.