I was bought to the royal room where the emperor lives in. It is a huge room, plenty of space. The bed is right at the center, It is big enough for at least eight people to lay on. The candles are lighted around the room. Far away from the bed. I can see shadows of eunuch standing at each window. Perhaps to watch over the emperor as he sleeps.
I put on the vulgar garment with the help of the maids. It barely cover anywhere. So i put on a red outer wear. The maids protest, i ignore them. The golden veil i put it on with a neat hair do. I feel like those late concubine walking in the funeral procession. Like a zombie. Walking without feelings. The royal nanny came in to check on me. To make sure i don't have any sickness to pass on to the emperor. They check everywhere. My ears, my mouth, my eyes, my hair, my body, my private parts and make sure i don't have body odour as well. They lit up an incense to make the room smell nicer, as they claim. My heart was beating fast. After they all leave the room, i feel like i can't breath much. I see the tray they had forgotten to take with them. I had hidden the scissors in it. Carefully i take it out and hid it under the pillow. My aim is not to hurt or kill him but to kill myself infront of him. My breath get worst with the heavy incense in the air. My eyes get blurry. The room is hot. I am perspiring like no one business. I feel that the need to remove the outer garment. Struggling to get to the table with cups and a pot, i need a drink to cool myself down.
I don't know when did i come to my sense. I am in pain. I am crying. I struggle to push away who is on top of me. I scream and bite. I even call for help. It is too painful and i want to escape. Even though it is not my first time, its painful. There is no gentleness. No love for us. I feel like a harlot. For a long time, i can't move much till after sometime, i get flip over. My hand goes under the pillow then i feel the scissor. Is this my time to do it? He insert it back, it numb my thoughts again. He is talking and whispering into my ear. I can't hear anything. I can't only feel my pain, hear my cry. i catch hold of his hand and bite it really hard as i can. I think i hear him scream. I take it a chance for me to grab my scissors however he grab my long hair. It is so painful. The ordeal goes on a long time. My throat is horsy. My tears have gone dry. From the window i see, daylight coming soon.
The door open, i hear footsteps. "Your majestic, you need to prepare for court soon." It is his personal eunuch Chen. "Later, i'm finishing soon. I will summon you later. Now go." Then i hear the door open and close. His hand is covering my mouth. He whisper in my ears. "I can't let him hear your screams. He might get jealous."He continue to groan and talking nonsense. I am too tired to say or do anything. Like a broken doll, i lay on the bed for him to do what he wants to do. After a long period of time. He is done and got up from the bed. He turn around to look at me. Instead of walking away, he lay down on the bed. We stare at each other quietly. HIs eyes are alike to dingbat; Heavy lashes with almond shape eyes. He place his hand on my hair and whisper. "You are beautiful as i thought you are. You are like a wild horse that needs a real master. But i don't want to tame you. No one should tame you. I like you the way you are. I envy the marriage of your's. Mine is rotten. Don't listen to that woman who sits beside me. I will protect you like my little brother. You can ask me for anything i will try to get it for you." His hand travel down to my tummy. "I only can look forward to have my son grow in you." With that he got up of the bed. Order the eunuch to enter and bring water for him to clean up. They clean him up and dress him in his dragon robe. For me, i continue to lay in the same position and not move at all. I stare at him dressing up and leaving with the eunuchs.
The palace maids come in later with water to clean me up. They offer no clothes for me. I see that my body have lines like craw markings from an animal. I smell so bad, i feel sick. That afternoon the empress walk into the room. Her maid pull up a chair for her to sit infront of the bed. Through the red veil that hangs around the bed i can see that she is dress in lavish garments with pearls on her hair. "Congulations, you finally listen to what i said. Did you enjoy the night? Now you are officially the concubine of this harem." I maintain my silence. I watch her expression. I remember she is really a nice person when i first met her now it seems like she have a hidden personality that i should beware of.
The door slam open suddenly. The emperor steps in with his eunuch behind him. "What are you doing here in my room?Did you make a mistake? Your bedroom is on the opposite direction of here. Go back to there." He remove his outer garment his his eunuch helping him. The empress got up from her chair and bow to him. "I am not in the wrong room. I just come to ..." He wave his hand "Whatever it is. The conversation is over. Leave my room." He walk to the far end of the room to his desk. "I am not here to have a talk with you.I am here to ..." He said in his loud voice "I said, the conversation is over! Go back to your room!"She still smile sweetly and bow. She look at me and walk off. For me, who is sitting on the bed, i wonder what happen. I alway have an image that they are a lovely couple together. Did something happen? He did not talk for along time. The warm bedroom becomes cold with silence in it. Even the warmth of the sun doesn't make it any better.