After that day, he got moody. He becomes unkind to everyone around him. No one is spare of his crankiness .All the eunuchs had to pay attention to him before they are sent to be punish for anything.
It's been three weeks the emperor did not come into the bedroom. The day the royal physician that is schedule to come and check on me look panicky. After a long time, i can't read his face expression. He is perspiring and wiping them frantically. He run to the nearest eunuch and whisper. That eunuch look panicky and run off. "Doctor Hwang is there something wrong?" I watch him continue to wipe his forehead. Another few more man appear, they are all wearing the same outfit as doctor Hwang. Each of them check my pulse through the red veil. After some time, the emperor appear. They all bow down. The physician incharge of me said in a loud voice "Congratulation your majestic! Lady Su is pregnant!" That sentences ring in my ear for a long time. At the age of twenty i got pregnant and this child is not my husband's child. I am mixed with emotion.
The emperor order that no one is to say about this pregnancy. Not even to the dowager. The physician is order to make frequently checks. Food and medicine to be the highest quality. He pace around the bed while his personal eunuch is following him from behind. Whatever he said, the eunuch make a note and said yes. After sometime he stop his footsteps and wave his hand. Everyone exit out of the door. The door is close. The emperor walk up to the bed, he lift up the red veil and tuck them on the side of the bed. He sit on the bed and hold my hand. "Thank you. The next few months will be harder for you. I will try to make it better for you. What do you like? I get it for you." I shake my head.
"How about more books? This time i get some romantic novels for you. If you want some street food, I can get someone to buy it." His eyes are big and bright. Fill with happiness but did he forget how i get pregnant. This child in my tummy isn't created with love but with fear and anger. How can this child will be happy. He talk non stop but the thing he want to do after the child is born.
"Haven't the thought that this child might be a girl?" He look at me and still holding my hands. He said tenderly
"A girl is still my child. No matter what."
Another come into my mind. I try to ask him calmly.
"What if this is a pair of children. Will you raise them together or separate them?"
"Our children is my family. My family stays together. If soothsayers have something to say, i will slaughter them all and change the law for that. " He hug me affectionally. "You are my family now. The mother of all my children. I am going to be the only man to sleep with you. You are going to have me alone. I will never touch other woman, i promise you." I don't know if i can trust him. Can i believe his words? When the time comes, will he do as he say today?
The physician had advise him that no sex for a pregnant woman. The emperor is in rage again. Every night he sleep with me. Every night his urge is there. Every night his member is hard and long. He gets so frustrated that he pace up and down chewing his nails. While i can't sleep well. In my mind i am thinking of food. In the end, two of us spend three months every night not able to sleep. Soon he starts to masturbate on his own while food is prepare for me to eat. Sometimes after i am done with food, he demand my hand for helping him. "Just treat it as a hand exercise. Didn't the physician said that you need some exercise? This is an opportunity to do some. Please i can't sleep with him so hard and long. It's driving me crazy!"
Another months pass, I am into my eight month. This time i request for my mother and little peach present. He agree and bought them into the palace the next day. My mother is delighted to see me but not little peach. She have grown taller and talk really well. She pout her lip when we meet. Also she is not happy that i am having a child. "You are still my eldest child that i love." She pout her lips and look down the floor. I hold her hands. "No matter what, you are my number one." She cry and hug me awkwardly. My mother pull her away as she can see i am in an uncomfortable position. "My feet is swollen and i can't stand. I am sorry."
"My daughter, i understand. So when is the delivery?"
"One more month according to the physician. He have been checking on me everyday."
"Did the emperor ..."
"No. He is behaving properly, so far..."
"You will send me a message of the birth? I need to pray to god and the ancestors on this. The child cannot be ... " She tear up. Little peach hug her. I know what she is going to say. The unborn child cannot be two.
"Father, is there any news?"
"He is still at the border. The last letter is last month. The next letter should be arriving soon. So far there is no news. No news is good news. He had dispatch some man to search for Prince Xian. So far they only comb through some small village, there are no sight of him."
"No news might be good news."
"It's been nearly two years. If he is ..."
"He will return. Little peach's father will return. He is a survival. "
We talk and laugh for a long time. By the time the sun about to set, they left. Again i am all alone. I watch the sun goes down. The child in the tummy turn. I can feel there is only a child in my tummy.
The ninth month comes. Everyone in this living quarters are having anxiety. Except me, I am still eating like no one business. The physician every few hours will come by to check on me. While the emperor is on his toes. He gets agitated with the officers and nicer to the eunuchs around him. I think by now the empress knows that i am pregnant and about to give birth soon. Her maid claim that she took the wrong route and walk to the emperor's living quarter. The dowager is inform of this. Her private maid, madame Cui was sent to help if i am going to give birth. Every one is getting ready for the birth of this child.
Everyone waited now, it's almost the end of the month. I am still heavily pregnant. I continue to do my daily. The emperor daily at least once keep rubbing my round tummy. Asking the child to come out and play. Finally one day, while chanting, his wish come true.
Struggling for hours, my child decided to come out just when the sun is raising. The emperor who did not sleep the whole night, rush in desperate to know what is going on. He see the blooded child he sits down immediately on the floor and cry out loud while covering his face. Everyone in the room bow before him and congrats us on the birth of a baby boy. For me at that moment, i close my eyes and fall asleep.