Xian Long is now a tall boy. At thirteen, he is as tall as his father. Somehow strangely, he resembles Xian Wen. The emperor doesn't mind this as he know that i spend day and night with him. His eldest son is a precious like a pearl in the ocean. After that accident of the empress, he did not have a harem anymore. I am the only one standing behind him along with the dowager.
The empress is still alive in the cold palace. For many years, we did not see her. She maintain her silence. The emperor did not divorce her as they have spend all their lives married to each other. There is no need for a physical empress to be present. Instead i am given a title as Imperial Nobel Consort Lady Su and appear beside him on all festive occasions. Even though i did not forgive the emperor for breaking his promise, i give in as it wasn't his fault to begin. The empress know his weakness and place traps around him.
While for me, i give birth to another boy and girl. The emperor's astronomical bureau had calculate the birth as auspicious. A dragon and a Phoenix. I was worried that they will be blame for any misfortune fortunately all the good things are happen in that time. My father and mother who came into the palace, upon seeing them, cry. They reminded my father when he had to separate me and my sister. I come to understand he problem and fear that he was facing. I told him to forget everything. It is all over.
My little peach is older and reaching an age suitable for marriage. Like her father, she enjoys welding her sword infront of my father. She wants to be praised and admired. I give her the permission to choose and marry the man she thinks she will be happy with the rest of her life. No one can decided it for her but by herself. Of course i give her a timeline when this expires and when i am stepping in to decided for her.
Peach and dragon gets along well like siblings. They practise sword dance every other day. I dont know how to explain this complicated relationship but somehow they never ask. Maybe they already know and understand why they share the same mother. Peach one day maybe she will ask about her birth mother. I already prepare myself to answer all her questions.
For so many years, i never stop praying for my dingbat. As strict as he is, he did everything as a husband can for his wife. He never once beat me nor belittle my lack of upbringing. Instead he engaged teachers and sometime teach me, himself. If he can never return here, may he be safe somewhere out there.
In the year that there was a serious drought that sweep through our lands. The dowager and i went off to the holy temple for prayers. Upon reaching we prepare ourselves in the temple.. The dowager however she looks nervous. She is pacing up and down till the monks appear. One of the many monks appear before us, is a look alike to Xian Wen. His face is the same as my Xian Long. The dowager hold my hand and look me in the eye."I will explain later. Let's pray" She whispers. As the prayers goes on, i try to calm my heart. I ask the buddha for answers.
After the prayers are done, we have to give aims for the monks. He come before me and did not have any expression. Like as if he doesn't know me. I watch him walk away with the older monks. The dowager hold my hand, we walk along the temple's wall. "My personal guards went off in search for him when the news came into the palace that he is missing. They have search the places that no one have search before. At last they found him in a small fishing village. The villagers who were fishermen found him floating on a log. By the time he wakes up, he can't remember much. So when he is well enough, he help them to fish. He enjoy the life there. My guards stay with him for awhile. One of them bought general Tang Li. She told him things that he did in the past. Who he is what power he hold in this country. He did not believe her nor wants to hear what she wants to say. It takes her a long time to convince him who is he. He remember a little things when he is bought back to the mansion. He remembered a girl who can't walk well." I stop walking when i hear that even he forgotten everything he remember my sister in his memory.
"He was bought to the Su mansion to meet Duke Su. I don't know what had happen. He request to be alone. For three days he stay in your old room. He did not come out. Finally when he did, he asked to be a monk and remain as a dead prince in everyone's eyes. As a mother when i hear that, it break my heart But he is alive, that is all matters."
"Let me ..."
"Leave him alone. Let him decide his fate. As long as i know where he is. Being a monk is not bad. If he decided to return, he still able to leave the monk hood. I know it's difficult for you. We will get through this. "
"Does majestic knows that ..."
"He doesn't need to know. Ning'er marry you out of duty of our traditional. In the end, he likes you more than those women who surround him. In his heart he knows that it is wrong of him to force you to sleep with him but his duty as a man, as a ruler of this country is far greater than anything else. He knows what his wife had been doing behind his back. Yet he choose to remain silence. His actions are slow and frustrating to hear. As his mother, i have to be the villain inorder to restore peace within the walls of the palace. Even my two sons are grown up men, they are still my babies. Shung Yu do you understand?"
From that day on, every festival and important events, it's my chance to see him in the royal temple. Sometimes little peach follows me to the temple for prayers. However she did not reconginse him. Maybe this is better for them. They are strangers that the same blood flow.
"ShiJu please wait a moment." I turn around to see the man i miss walking towards me. I greet him with my hands together with a bow. "I see that you have a knot in your heart. I may have the answer to unknot it." We walk along the courtyard that overseas the mountains and the valleys. "I know who are you. I know why are you here. It is better that you don't come here again with this intension to see this unworthy monk."
"Why? Can't i come here for prayers? The queen can't leave the palace and i am the one to represent her."
"I think you know who am i. The mortal prince have left behind that past. He had killed many people along the way. It's a sin and i am paying for it."
"If you want to pay for it, then you pay there is no need to tell me."
"I also know that you are not who you are, I saw the painting in your room. Duke Su had confirmed that he had two daughters. The one mortal prince Xian Wen married was the other sister, Shung Yun. The one that supposed to be marry Shung Yu had died."
My tears begin to fall. In the end, he still love my sister instead of me.
"Instead, this mortal prince had fallen in love with his wife. This mortal prince struggle on his last breath to return home. Unfortunately, he left everything on that battlefield. What you see now is a person who resemble him. I am now a monk that prays for others and prayers for himself too. So it's better that ShiJu let everything go. So that you can live in peace."
"I can't live ..."
"Let me keep this secret forever. This will protect many lives."
That evening, i stand alone in the palace looking at the moon shining brightly down to the capital. The emperor comes up to me and hold my hand. We watch the lively capital. After awhile he hug me and kiss my forehead. "Thank you for being in my life. I have made mistakes. I am not perfect but you have embrace my faults and believe me one more time. "
I just simple lay my head on his chest. I recall the days i enjoy most. Those are the best memories i had. For now i need to do is to bring up my children. Allowing them to make their own choices so that they will have their own story to tell. My story have ended and my fate is seal here. May in the future, no one will suffer the fate of a twin.