The sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows on the dirt road that stretched ahead of Ye Shengtao and Fergio. After the mind-shattering revelation that Ye Shengtao had been, for lack of better words, misgendered as a cow this whole time, he had more or less come to terms with it.
Sort of.
He was still processing how it had taken a divine system referring to herself as "MILF System" to break the news, but with Fergio being… well, Fergio, he had little time for quiet introspection.
"I don't see why you're so upset, Ye Shengtao!" Fergio said, strutting confidently down the road, his armor clinking with every exaggerated step. "Being a woman is a noble thing! A lady cow! Why, you could have your pick of bulls in the field!"
Ye Shengtao rolled his eyes so hard he nearly saw his own brain. "I'm not interested in bulls, Fergio. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't bring that up again."
Fergio laughed, completely ignoring the fact that Ye Shengtao's patience was hanging by a thread. "Nonsense! Just imagine it—a field of strong, handsome bulls, all vying for the attention of the mighty warrior cow maiden, Ye Shengtao! You'd be the belle of the barn!"
"Fergio," Ye Shengtao said, his voice dangerously low. "You're giving me a headache."
But Fergio was undeterred. "Oh, don't be so moody, my friend! Embrace your new identity! Why, we could even find you a lovely dress for the occasion!"
Ye Shengtao stopped in his tracks, turned his red eyes toward Fergio, and gave him a long, deadpan stare. "A dress? Really?"
Fergio clapped his hands together excitedly. "Yes! Something flowy, elegant—fit for a lady of your udder brilliance!"
"Fergio," Ye Shengtao sighed, "if I ever hear you mention dresses or udders again, I swear by all that is holy I will hoof you into next week."
"Hoof me?!" Fergio gasped dramatically, as though this were the greatest insult ever thrown his way. "Ye Shengtao, I am wounded! A mighty warrior like yourself should be proud of your… feminine grace!"
Before Ye Shengtao could verbally eviscerate his so-called companion, a figure stepped out from behind a tree, blocking the road ahead. The man was tall, dressed in ragged clothes with a rusty sword slung over his shoulder. His face was obscured by a bandana, but his posture screamed "bandit."
"Alright," the bandit growled, his voice rough and menacing, "hand over all your valuables. No sudden moves, or this sword gets used for something other than scaring off squirrels."
Ye Shengtao raised an unimpressed brow. "Really?"
Fergio, however, immediately puffed out his chest, brandishing his own sword in a theatrical flourish. "Ah-ha! A rogue! A scoundrel! You dare to block the path of Sir Fergio, the greatest hero in the land?"
The bandit squinted at Fergio, clearly bewildered by the over-the-top introduction. "What…?"
"And this," Fergio continued, pointing dramatically toward Ye Shengtao, "is Ye Shengtao, the fiercest, most beautiful cow warrior maiden in all the land!"
Ye Shengtao shot him a look that could melt steel. "Stop."
The bandit blinked, clearly thrown off by the "cow maiden" part. "Wait… cow maiden? What?"
Fergio grinned, clearly loving every second of this. "Yes! You see, my companion here may appear to be a simple bovine, but she—"
"I'm going to kick you in the face," Ye Shengtao interrupted flatly.
The bandit scratched his head, looking between the two of them like he was trying to figure out if this was some kind of elaborate prank. "Look, I don't care what kind of weird roleplay you two are doing. Just give me your money and no one gets hurt."
Fergio gasped in mock horror. "Roleplay? You dare to suggest that our noble journey is some mere game? Why, the gods themselves have entrusted us with a quest of utmost importance!"
Ye Shengtao sighed, stepping forward with a bored expression. "Listen, bandit guy. I don't know what your deal is, but we're not really in the mood to deal with this right now. So if you just leave us alone, we'll pretend this whole embarrassing encounter didn't happen."
The bandit hesitated, eyeing Ye Shengtao. "What… what are you supposed to be? Some kind of… cow knight?"
Fergio immediately butted in, laughing as if he were telling the greatest joke in history. "Ah, no, no! Not a cow knight! A cow maiden! Isn't it obvious?"
Ye Shengtao's patience was nearing its limit. "Fergio, I swear…"
The bandit shook his head, utterly perplexed. "You know what? I don't even care. Just give me your gold or whatever, and I'll be on my way."
Fergio stepped in front of Ye Shengtao, flourishing his sword with a smug grin. "I'm afraid we can't do that, my good man. You see, we are on a noble quest, and no mere bandit will stand in our way!"
The bandit's expression turned sour. "I don't think you understand how this works. I'm the one with the sword here."
Ye Shengtao groaned. "We're really doing this? Fine."
Without another word, Ye Shengtao lunged forward, his powerful cow hooves connecting with the bandit's chest in one swift motion. The bandit let out a surprised yelp as he was knocked off his feet, landing in a crumpled heap on the side of the road.
"Holy cow!" Fergio exclaimed, eyes wide with admiration. "That was amazing! Such strength! Such elegance!"
Ye Shengtao dusted off his hooves and gave Fergio a deadpan look. "That wasn't even my full strength."
Fergio clapped excitedly. "I knew it! You are the fiercest cow maiden this world has ever seen! And did you hear him? He said 'holy cow!' He even recognizes your divinity!"
The bandit groaned from the ground, clutching his ribs. "What the hell just happened?"
"You got kicked by a cow," Ye Shengtao said flatly, nudging him with one hoof to make sure he wasn't going to get back up. "Now do yourself a favor and stay down."
The bandit blinked up at her, disbelief etched on his face. "I… I got beaten up by a girl cow?"
Fergio beamed with pride. "Not just any girl cow! The one and only Ye Shengtao, warrior maiden of the fields! You should count yourself lucky to have faced such an opponent."
Ye Shengtao groaned. "Stop calling me a maiden."
Fergio ignored him completely. "Now, rogue, be gone with you! And remember, the next time you encounter us on the road, think twice before challenging the mighty cow maiden and her loyal knight!"
The bandit stared at them both, clearly having some kind of existential crisis. He staggered to his feet, dusting himself off, and without another word, limped away into the woods.
Ye Shengtao watched him go, then turned to Fergio with an exasperated sigh. "You're never going to let this go, are you?"
Fergio grinned, sheathing his sword with a flourish. "Of course not! I shall regale all who cross our path with the tale of the cow maiden's triumph over the wretched bandit!"
Ye Shengtao shook his head, already regretting every life choice that had led him to this moment. "I'm surrounded by idiots."
Fergio laughed heartily, patting Ye Shengtao on the back. "Ah, my dear cow friend, that's what makes the journey so fun! Now, onward! Destiny awaits, and perhaps more bandits for you to hoof into submission!"