In the midst of the calm and gentle warmth of the horizon, my lips grinned as the sunlight glared at my hidden eyes beneath my white royal hat. It was as if the sounds of shoes and the shadows of each person are all dignitaries.
It's been one month since I started to break free of the chains I held in the past. I left the old place and decided to go with Viktor as he had promised before yet was covered with infidelity. I know in the first place that going with him is not choosing freedom. To go with him are new chains I am going to detain myself again. I pursed my lips into a thin smile as I flip the next page of the book I'm reading. It is stated in the book that, hope and peace offer a comfortable home. Then I realized my situation right now. If manifesting kindness could attest to my worth, can someone imagine that I'm already defeated? Can someone believe how I sacrifice my self-rule and euphoria over someone's impertinence? Of course no one. Why would I still think about these when I already knew the answer? Maybe because, after all this year I'm still not over asking where did I go wrong for not being good enough.
'Viktor' I whispered his name again but this time, it was different. It feels like mentioning his name becomes the hardest thing to do. My feelings for him have died since the day he chooses to disappear from my life. Not for good, not for me, and especially not for us.
I was planning to close the book but failed to do it when the warm and gentle wind penetrated my skin. I close my eyes and welcome the peculiar feeling coming from the wind. I don't know why the air feels gentle like it caressed my apprehension away from my heart. I couldn't help but smiled solemnly when I felt my eyes struggling to open. I'm not doing anything, but why does it feel like something prevents me from looking at the sky again? For the second time, I let my body do what it wants. Not even forcing myself to stop. This is me, the moment when I felt so restless to fight for my feelings. But today, in one of the alluring places here in Paris, I would like to forget everything. Embracing the warmth of the sun and the captivating sensation of the wind, I open my eyes slowly and discreetly.
I wonder why my emotions turn obscure in less than no time. I looked at the other person walking by. Like the scenery and the faces I see, the atmosphere is still so lively. I just can't quite understand the strange chill of the air mixing with the heat of the sun. I adjusted my seat as well as my hat and the moment I turned my eyes in other directions, my heart skipped a beat. The corner of my eye suddenly heated up and the pages of the books separated and move off quickly in different directions. Instead of arranging the pages of the book, my eyes remained on the scene. The stroke of the wind seemed to bite my skin as if it could freeze my entire body. I don't know why I'm doing this. I could no longer understand why I was taken aback. I couldn't believe I'm being astounded over someone, over a man, and definitely by a stranger.
My eyes were measured with deep interest, it's like a peaceful space for my sad experiences. Do I need to thank this stranger for suddenly appearing unexpectedly? It was like a dramatic feeling for me to feel a sense of sweet pleasure staring at the man who just suddenly walk slowly in my direction. He appeared tall, proud, intimidating, and handsome. His face was emotionless as well as his deep ocean eyes. His long thighs and striking figure make him more hotter and stunning. Just like the heat of the sun, his tanned complexion and far-reaching appearance make me gulp in awe. It was like I'm seeing a Greek warrior who could make my eyes sparkle in bewilderment. A man who could make every woman out there fall for him inevitably. His plain shirt was only a piece of thin fabric that covered his strong and muscular body. His faded jeans together with his black leather boots give his presence an imposing manner and a tough man in this entire world. He's a man of every woman's dream.
I suddenly gasped in uncertainty as he get nearer and nearer in my direction. I shouldn't act like this. What is happening to me? He has these fancy moves that could tolerate every young heart's innocence. The calmness of his sudden turn meets my trembling glimpse. In all the places around the world, there is no such thing that gets my attention for no reason. There he goes walking defiantly with his menace facade. I don't know if it's just me but I felt like his eyes never leave mine. In my world that no one cares, there's someone who wants to share. When the last footsteps stop in front of me, I get a chance to look at his face vividly. This sign that beholds this world's enchantment in every swift of each moment goes, I realized that every one of us possesses happiness in proportion to his principles and combat.
I felt like time stopped and the world was in slow motion when our eyes intersected. This stranger was like a paradise lost. Lost on his voyage to be voiceless. His unpredictable presence was like a serene sea. I scrutinize his well-proportioned and aloof face. His hard features could give you confusion and bewilderment just staring at his deep ocean eyes. I looked at the perfect outline of his nose down to his unresponsive thin lips. There was some soft surface that I couldn't able to discern and understand. His emotionless face is dominant to think that he isn't just a stranger for no reason. His hard jawlines were in a good position that could show his Adam's apple. I even observe the protruding veins on his hands and in some areas of his skin. He has something in his hands like a folded canvas and a leather backpack on his back. It is just a piece small thing for him to carry. I'm not sure if what I'm thinking is right but I have something on my mind that perceives what career he has.
My observations ended when he turned his eyes away from me. I know this isn't good but I felt something inside of me that forced him to stop. I follow the direction where his eyes landed. An old woman was walking down the street and wanted to cross the pedestrian lane but seems like it is so hard for her to do it. I was in shock when I notice the old woman was starting to cross but a big truck is coming on her way. I know it's a pedestrian lane but the truck seems at a high speed. I was about to stand to help the old woman when the man hurriedly run in the old woman's direction to rescue her. My eyes remained following his steps. At that moment, I fancied our first encounter.
He did save the old woman away from injury and help her to finally cross the pedestrian lane. While he was assisting the old woman to cross the street, there was something that fell off the ground. It was small cut white paper, but as soon as it touched the ground, the thing reversed and I got a chance to look even though I'm not near enough to see it. When I notice something on the small cut paper, I search the man's face only to realize that he's also looking at where that thing fell off. A sudden change on his cold-blooded face was when the old woman accidentally stepped on the small cut paper. The thing became dirty and the side of the paper was torn. I turned my gaze back to the passionless man. His forehead creased like he was looking at the most difficult problem. His face turns red and his ocean eyes became deeper. I must say that he didn't like what happened. He is upset. I smiled genuinely thinking how beautiful the things and scenarios I'm witnessing today. Who would be happy after looking at the ruined thing you kept and cherished for so long? He won't have a choice but rather choose to be silent even if it's against his will. The old woman thanked him with a wide smile after saying goodbye.
I noticed his hands turn into a fist when he slowly picks the small cut paper. He is this indifferent when it comes to just a piece of small cut paper. I should better say that it isn't just a small cut size of paper but it is indeed a small size of the picture. A small size picture of someone. From what I noticed earlier, it is a picture of a woman. I bet the woman in the picture is special to him or maybe she is someone who owns the heart of this beyond-compare man. He wipes the dirt away from the picture and puts it again in the pocket of his pants.
I know this is wrong but I might lose my chance to talk to someone I hold in high regard. I walk fast towards him when he's starting to walk away. Luckily I get a chance to reach his distance. His strong presence forbade me to talk to him in any way. I'm now facing his back and even uttering a single word is so difficult for me to do. I close my eyes for a second and took a deep breath.
"Bonjour"
Amid the tranquility of our situation, I dared to say the word in the ways I could deliver it. With my trembling and serene voice, the place was filled with melancholic attractiveness. I have been weak enough and reckless enough to speak appropriately. I stepped backward when I realized what I did. My eyes were searching for a response yet the only thing I felt was mere apathy.
I wanted to know him but I choose to quit. It is an honor for me to see someone I never expected would give me such a fine day. Whether I say it or not, I know in myself that it awakens my long-lost feeling. Without a single word and the last glance, I turn around and decided to leave not even waiting for his response. Not even sure if he ever notices me or hears me. I'll just take it as a yes. Maybe he doesn't even see me. I walked fast only to realize that Viktor man is waiting for me at the spot where I was sitting earlier. This is Viktor's thing after he had carried out his plans. He always makes sure I won't escape his rule.
"Ma'am, I was asked to fetch you. Sir is worried about you and he thought you were lost. He wanted to talk to you right now. So please Ma'am, we couldn't stay any longer here." Viktor's man begs.
I smiled at his man and give him a solace expression so that he won't be nervous. Viktor was so unbelievable. I can't believe he's using the word lost well in fact he wanted to say that I might run away with him. I was about to get in the car when I suddenly saw something. I looked at the surroundings again but failed to find the familiar figure. I had no intention to disagree with fate if the circumstances happens again. I picked the thing he was holding earlier when he stopped right in front of me. I slowly get up and caress the folded canvas and noticed some sketches on it. Who would have thought that I could keep this precious thing that he owns? It is just a fold canvass but even looking at it, I know he is this experienced and professional when it comes to creating a masterpiece.
I hope we'll meet again.
That was my last remark before getting into the car. I release a deep sigh before glancing at the avenues. I never thought I could experience this again. The feeling of being free. I know it is just temporary but right now I want to live with it.