"How is it going my love?" someone asked I expect to be territorial and nosy when it comes to my freedom.
I just got home and decided to drink a glass of water when someone appeared to manipulate me again. He believes I'm this dumb to follow everything he says. I remained to look outside the window while consuming the water in my mouth.
"What do you want?" I asked without an inch of interest.
I face him with a plain look implying that I don't have time to talk to him. Well, this man is hard to control. He knows how to play around very well. The one and only Viktor Danillo Levente who ruined my hopes. Sometimes in life, those people you once and truly love are the ones who would give you the painful stories. In my case, I was more than that. There's always shame on me every time I remember begging and forcing someone I couldn't. I hate it. I hate to remember that the person who cause me to struggle in desperation is the person I used to protect. The person who used to be my remedy.
He remained leaning on the kitchen wall while his hands are on his pants. He is staring at me eagerly like the way he used to do. If our situation were the same as in the past, maybe we're sharing the same feeling. Maybe we're able to bring back the sweet mornings and the delightful dawn we wish to look forward to when we turn ages. Our journey has ended yet Viktor makes it worst for me to live in dread.
Maybe he went home early compared to his usual routine because he wasn't wearing his office suit. He is just looking like a relaxed and understated entrepreneur. Viktor is undeniably handsome from then until now. The maturity of his face and body was even more obvious to look regal and imposing. He is someone in the past that I admire so much yet the remnants of our past can no longer be revived.
I didn't even care when he comes closer in my direction and caressed my face. There is something in his eyes that always manifests an outgrown torment. I know this feeling. I know he's trying to make up for his mistakes again but by this process, he knows I couldn't able to accept it. I averted my face sideways when he tried to kiss me. Chasing my breath, I could feel his head slowly bowing down. His palm on my face was like a soft cloth wiping my cold sweat. I don't know how to say this. I know in myself that the feeling I have now is no longer love but sympathy. I want him to stop. I want him to know that I'm no longer the person he knows. I can't stay by his side. I don't know how to continue fighting for both of us when we're already damaged.
"Amira" Viktor whispered my name like he was drunk.
He placed his chin over my shoulder while hugging my body. I can smell the scent of his perfume and I figure out that it's the same scent he used in the past. I smiled silently realizing that he's still bringing back the things that are impossible to happen.
"What are you doing Viktor? Are you out of your mind? Stop these silly actions. Do you think I'll be happy if you're being like this?" I asked him unbelievably.
"Well, I'm just asking you, Amira. Aren't you afraid that you might get lost when you go to those sights? I'm worried if you go alone to places you aren't familiar with. So allow me to offer you some of my men. They could watch over you if I wasn't at your side." He said seriously like he meant what he says.
I can't help but be surprised by his words. I chuckled slightly because of his laughable ways to control me.
"Viktor, stop acting as if you care because you do not. I'm not a kid to believe someone's words, especially deception. Do you think I believe you? I know truly that's not your real intention. You want me to be guarded by your man because you're afraid that I might run away. That's the truth. It's been a month already since I started visiting the different places here in Paris and I don't want anybody to accompany me. You're making an excuse to cover up your motives. Aren't you tired of always pretending?" I said without expressing any emotions.
I pulled my body away from him and give him a sedate look. I know he's hurt. Every time I'm pushing him away. I know how badly he wanted to stay and ask for forgiveness. I know nobody is perfect and all of us can screw up everything but sometimes persistent betrayal is enough to let go of something that misleading you in good directions. Even if it's hard to do and give up, you know that it is the best decision you could ever do. I could support my strong-minded assertion if ever someone would ask for its validity.
"Come on, my love. Let's stop this. Let's end this fight between us. We have to start a new beginning. You know that I didn't mean those words to you. It's the only thing I could do to follow my dreams so that I could give you a brighter future." His face was solemnly staring into my eyes. He didn't even move his body away from me.
"I said stop this nonsense discussion. If you could give me some time to rest please, I want peace." I said swallowing hard.
I don't want to look vulnerable in front of him. I know in myself that Viktor's words have still an effect on me. Even though he used his heart as his weapon to torture me mentally, he is still precious to me. He is still the man I vowed to love endlessly but this time not to the point that we could bring back our yesterdays or the things that have been changed.
"Peace is the reconciliation between the two of us." He said as he tried to cup my face again but I avoided it.
He looked at me with incomprehensible emotions. He grinned bitterly as he averted his eyes. I suddenly felt guilty about the way I treated him. I knew that I was been in love with him for a long time and maybe he was hoping that it could be settled when he would do such a thing that could get me back even though there was nothing left to him.
I stared at him as I felt his deep breaths. I don't want him to strain himself for me because no matter what happens, I will no longer believe in anything he says.
I close my eyes and sigh when every event of yesterday crossed my mind again. I don't want to fool myself as well as give him the prospect to assume that everything is going to be fine. It will only happen if he let me live my life without him.
"Are you kidding me? Viktor, what's wrong with you? Do you have amnesia?" I asked him disdainfully.
"I'm done listening to your lies. You already did the biggest betrayal I ever experienced in my whole life and there's nothing else you could do to make me change my mind. You left me when I was at the lowest and most critical chapter of my existence. Now, tell me if you want me to categorize everything you did for you to remember that it kills me over and over. No matter how many times I tried to fight, I don't feel anything that makes me continue to live. It is because the supremacy of trauma that you left me is like a poison that wrecked me." I said emphatically while catching my breath.
Viktor was shocked to see my reaction. I knew my face was already red from the intensity of anger that I felt. I slowly walked away from him to let him know that no matter what happens he will never be able to get back what we had before. I left him while confused by my words. His handsome face is looking adamant, but something in his eyes makes me calm in silence.
I'm sorry my dear past but I already finalized my decision and that is to leave you at the end of this month.
I open my eyes cautiously as I felt the rays of morning sun pierce into my skin. It's another morning for me again and now I know why my room is looking dazzling because of the wide-open window on my balcony. Maybe Viktor wanted to wake me up for some reason but end up being hesitant to do it.
I walked in the direction of my balcony and cast a look outside. I took a deep breath when I saw Viktor dress up in his office suit. I couldn't ignore the fact that he's been through a lot of hardship investing in his company. What was the meaning of all of these? Why does he need to keep me in his life if he has previously been able to leave me without hesitation? He's now someone that far to reach and hard to get. He could choose other girls who are fitted on his taste and on his standard than keep me for nothing. How ironic is it when he looks deeply in love with me yet he's the one who ended everything? This is all too much. If he won't stop this we will hurt ourselves. For sure, this feeling will begin draining us.
He lit up a cigarette and was about to place it in his mouth when out of a sudden his eyes met mine. We both exchange glances figuring out what's mature enough to say that those words we keep bringing back have no benefit. He just threw the stick of cigarette instead of using it. I close the window when he turned his gaze back to me. I won't even mind if he wants to enjoy smoking besides he can do everything he wants to do without my consent.
I went down the stairs and it was pretty obvious how luxurious and big is Viktor's house. Well, what would I expect from a two-story mansion?
I went to the living room and was amazed to see someone I had never looked forward to seeing. The first time I met her was five years ago and until now she's still full of herself. Beatrice was smirking looking at me sarcastically. We haven't been given much time to meet several times but I couldn't forget the first encounter we had.
"Oh, look at you? Look who's here! Aren't you the famous mistress of Viktor?" Beatrice asked and it sounded offensively impolite.
I stopped in my track upon hearing her words. I could also feel her presence behind my back that feels a misfortune to get surrounded by her figure. I continued walking to the kitchen and poured a water glass to drink. I know Beatrice is following but I don't even care whatever she'll do. She isn't worthy of my time to acknowledge her arrival.
"So, I was right. All the fucking rumors about you are true. I'm afraid you can't handle my anger if you remain standing in this luxurious kitchen. A slutty maid like you isn't fit to live in this mansion. I don't even understand why Viktor allows a rubbish jackass like you to step on his house. Aren't you ashamed of fitting yourself into someone you didn't deserve to have and to the life that it's impossible to happen?" She said in such a very audacious tone.
I stay calm for a bit and sip for a second time on my glass. I don't give a damn over her useless rants. She's this intrusive for showing too much curiosity about people's affairs. I thought this lady from the Altagracia family is well mannered and not fund of drama but it seems this woman is far from my expectations.
"What now? Are you deaf? Speak! Don't try to insult me inside the house of my husband. You messed with the wrong person. Comparing the both of us? You're just a piece of a worthless commoner. I hope you imprinted in your mind that a person like you should know your place by depending your life to someone who's dignified and rich. I understand how penniless you are that drives you to be hopeless. Yet if I were to choose, I still love you seeing sinking in misfortune because you deserve it." Her abrasive and conceited personal style would never affect me if she thinks she could make me obey under her control.
"Beatrice Altagracia, if I were to compare myself to you, I could say that we're incompatible in terms of giving such a perception over a sequence of events. In short, you are the most self-seeking moron I've ever met." I commented showing no interest in her feelings.
I realized that for twenty-three years of my existence I did so many considerations even to those people who just see me when I shine but not when I'm at my worst. I want someone to see me all the time in diverse phases of my life. I know Beatrice Altagracia won't allow anybody to treat her like us ordinary people who would go against her principles.
I keep myself busy pouring another glass of water while welcoming the dark aura that surrounded me. I'm not mistaken when finally Beatrice spoke again this time with so much exasperation.
"What did you say bitch? How dare you called me a self-seeking moron? Y-You...you are the..."
I did not let her continue speaking instead I cut her stupid mouth with my words.
"Stop being so displeasing. You are the real bitch here. If you want to look like a real actor you can apply as a comedian in an entertainment agency. If you think that I'll kneel in front of you to worship you, you must be at fault. You don't know me very well and we're not familiar with each other that long to criticize my well-being. As far as I know, Viktor is not yet married to anyone. Do you wanna know why? It is because he already made a promise to the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. So yeah, he vowed to me every single day." I said seriously as I slowly turned my head to face the bitch.
As I expected, Beatrice's reaction is funny to think about. She couldn't believe she get humiliated by me, especially with the words I'd spoken.
"Why not allow me to slap that unwashed face of yours so that you will realize what you get by opposing me?" Beatrice threat.
I know Beatrice isn't kidding and will always do everything for her satisfaction. I grinned a little when she started exerting energy to slap me. I won't even dare to retreat if she wants conflict. I looked at her intensely as she was smiling thinking that she could slap me not even thinking that I'm not someone she could call stupid.
I think of the best way to stop her foolishness before it could tarnish my sinless face. With all my might I slowly carry the glass jar poured with water and splash it on her face when the main door of the mansion wide opened. I wasn't prepared to encounter such an unpredictable occurrence. It is too late for me to turn back to the time when someone I didn't expect to see appeared in front of me. He is the man I met but ended so soon. The man who own pairs of deep ocean eyes together with Viktor at his back, their faces were both soaking wet.