The next few days on campus passed in a blur for Jan, but his encounter with Ren lingered in the back of his mind. Every time Jan tried to focus on his studies, his thoughts drifted to Ren's cryptic words, the strange, almost vulnerable look in his eyes. He couldn't help but wonder if Ren was dealing with the same kind of struggles, if, beneath the confident exterior, Ren also had secrets he couldn't share.
It was frustrating, confusing, and… thrilling.
Jan tried to shake it off. There was no point in obsessing over Ren. They lived in different worlds, and whatever fleeting connection Jan thought they'd had was probably nothing more than Ren playing with him out of boredom.
Still, when Jan found himself walking past the café on campus the next afternoon, he wasn't surprised to find Ren inside, surrounded by a group of friends. They were laughing, their perfect, carefree lives on full display. Ren looked comfortable, relaxed, nothing like the person Jan had spoken to under the oak tree.
But then, as if sensing his gaze, Ren's eyes met Jan's through the window.
For a moment, everything seemed to freeze. The laughter around Ren faded into the background, and the air between them sparked with something unspoken. Jan's heart raced, and he quickly looked away, embarrassed that he had been caught staring.
He started to walk faster desperate to put distance between himself and Ren. But he only made it a few steps before he heard Ren's voice behind him
''Jan!''
Jan froze, cursing himself for not walking faster. He turned around slowly, trying to compose himself as Ren jogged over to him, leaving his friends behind.
''You're avoiding me,'' Ren said with a teasing smile, but there was something serious in his eyes.
''I'm not,'' Jan replied quickly, though it wasn't entirely true. ''I just… didn't want to interrupt.''
Ren shrugged his hands casually slipping into his pockets. ''You wouldn't have been interrupting. Those guys are just… you know. Background noise.''
Jan raised an eyebrow. ''They didn't seem like background noise. You looked pretty comfortable with them.
Ren's smile faltered. ''It's just an act,'' he said quietly, his voice suddenly serious. ''They don't really know me.''
Jan didn't know what to say to that. He had never imagined someone like Ren could feel so… alone. He had always assumed that people like Ren, with their money, popularity and perfect lives, had it all figured out. But maybe he had been wrong.
Ren seemed to read the confusion on Jan's face, and his expression softened. ''Look, do you have sometime? There's something I want to talk to you about.''
Jan hesitated. He wasn't sure if he wanted to get pulled into Ren's world, with all its complications. But something in Ren's tone made him curious, like this was important. Against his better judgement Jan nodded.
''Yeah,'' he said. ''I have time.''
They ended up walking to quiet part of campus, where a small garden sat tucked away from the busier areas. It was peaceful here, with the soft hum of insects and scent of flowers in the air. Ren seemed different, more relaxed, more honest. They sat down on a bench, and for a moment, neither of them spoke.
Ren broke the silence first.
''Jan, have you ever felt like… no matter what you do, it'll never be enough?'' Ren asked his voice quieter than usual. ''Like people around you expect so much from you, but none of it is really you.''
Jan stared at him, surprised by the sudden openness. ''Yeah,'' he admitted softly. ''I know that feeling.''
Ren's gaze flickered to Jan, and he let out a breath he had been holding. ''My parents, my family, they have this image of me. They want me to be the perfect son, take over the family business, marry the right girl and keep up appearances. But that's not who I am. It's like… I'm playing a role in a script I didn't write.
Jan's chest tightened. He knew that feeling too well. His own struggles with his family expectations, his grandmother's hopes of him to live a 'normal' life, and the constant pressure to hide who he really was all came rushing to the surface.
''Ren…'' Jan started, but he wasn't sure what to say.
Ren leaned back on the bench staring up at the sky. ''I know I'm not supposed to want certain things. But sometimes, you can't help what you want, right? You just… feel it.''
Jan's heat skipped a beat. He could feel the tension building between them, the weight of the words Ren wasn't saying. His mouth went dry, and he shifted uncomfortably on the bench, not sure where this conversation was headed.
Ren turned to look at him, and for the first time, Jan saw something raw, almost vulnerable, in his eyes. ''I think about you sometimes,'' Ren said softly, his voice barely above a whisper
Jan's breath caught in his throat. ''What do you mean?'' he asked his voice shaky.
Ren didn't answer immediately. Instead, he reached out, his hands brushing against Jan's. The touch was light, barely there, but it sent a shockwave through Jan's body. His heart pounded in his chest as Ren's fingers lingered on his skin, the heat of the moment building between them.
Jan should have pulled away. He knew he should. But something in Ren's touch, in the quiet intensity of his gaze, made Jan hesitate. His whole body was tense, his mind racing with confusion, desire and fear.
Ren leaned in closer, his voice barely a whisper now. ''Jan… I think you understand what I'm feeling.''
The world seemed to narrow down to just the two of them, the space between them shrinking. Jan's breath was shallow, his mind buzzing with everything he had tried to suppress for so long. He had never let himself feel this way, had never let himself want something so badly, but right now all the walls he had built around himself were crumbling.
Before Jan could stop himself, he closed the distance between them. His lips brushed against Ren's, tentative at first, but then the floodgates opened. The kiss deepened, and Jan felt all the tension, all the confusion, melt away, replaced by a wave of desire that he had kept locked away for too long.
Ren responded instantly, his hands gripping Jan's arms, pulling him closer. The heat between them was undeniable now, their bodies pressed together as the kiss grew more urgent, more intense. Jan's mind was spinning, lost in the sensation of Ren's lips, the taste of his breath, the way their bodies fit together so perfectly.
But then, just as quickly as it had started, Jan pulled back, breathless and wide eyed. His heart was racing, his face flushed with both excitement and panic.
''I…'' Jan started, but he didn't know what to say. He had crossed a line, and now he wasn't sure how to go back.
Ren stared at him, his chest rising and falling with heavy breathes. There was no teasing smirk, no playful remark. Instead, his expression was serious, almost pained.
''It's okay.'' Ren said quietly, his voice steady. ''I wanted that too.''
Jan's mind was still reeling, the reality of what just happened sinking in. He wasn't ready for this. He spent so long hiding, so long pushing down everything he felt, that now it was coming to the surface, and he didn't know how to handle it.
''I have to go,'' Jan mattered, standing up quickly. His legs felt shaky beneath him, but he needed to get out of there before he lost control again.
Ren didn't stop him. He just watched as Jan hurried away, his heart pounding in his chest.