Jan's feet pounded the pavement as he ran through the empty streets, his breath sharp and ragged in the cold night air. He didn't know where he was going only that he had to get away, away from Ren, away from the storm of emotions threatening to swallow him whole.
His phone buzzed again in his pocket, but Jan ignored it, his mind racing faster than his legs. What had he done? Why had he run? Was it fear of what Ren meant to him, or was it something deeper, something darker lurking inside him that refused to let him be happy.
When he finally stopped running, Jan found himself at a familiar spot, the park where he used to come as a child with his grandmother. It was deserted now, the playground cast in eerie shadows under the moonlight. He sat down on one of the swings, his body trembling from the cold and the overwhelming weight of everything that had happened.
His mind replayed the scene on the rooftop over and over again. Ren's word echoed in his head, ''I'm done living in fear'' and Jan felt his heart tighten. Ren had been so raw, so open with him, willing to risk everything. And Jan had thrown it back in his face.
But it wasn't just fear of being discovered that had sent him running. It was the fear of Ren seeing him for who he really was, broken, scared, unsure of how to navigate a world that would never accept him for who he truly was.
The next morning, Jan avoided the campus entirely, staying holed up in his small apartment, trying to drown out his thoughts with textbooks and study notes. But no matter how hard he tried to focus, Ren was still there, in the back of his mind, tugging at him, pulling him back into the chaos they had created.
He checked his phone, no new messages. Ren had stopped trying to reach out after last night, and the silence felt louder than the buzzing notifications.
Jan's fingers hovered over his phone, tempted to text Ren, to apologize, to explain. But what could he say that wouldn't sound as an excuse? How could he explain the fear that gripped him, the overwhelming anxiety that came with letting someone in?
As if on cue, a knock sounded at his door, startling Jan out of his thoughts.
For a split second, he thought it might be Ren. His heart leapt in his chest, but when he opened the door, it wasn't Ren standing there
It was Haruto.
Haruto's presence at Jan's door felt surreal, almost as if Jan had conjured him out of nowhere. His tall frame filled the doorway his usual playful smile replaced by something more serious, more concerned.
''Hey,'' Haruto said, his voice soft. ''You've been off grid lately. Mind if I come in?''
Jan hesitated, but he stepped aside, letting Haruto in. They had been friends since high school, and while Haruto didn't know the full story of what was happening between Jan and Ren, he knew enough to sense something was wrong.
Haruto walked into the small living room and sat on the edge of the couch, watching Jan carefully. ''You okay?'' he asked, cutting straight to the point.
Jan swallowed hard, his hands fidgeting in his lap. ''I don't know,'' he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. ''Everything's… complicated.''
Haruto raised an eyebrow leaning backward, leaning back. ''You want to talk about it?''
For a moment, Jan wanted to spill everything, to tell Haruto about Ren, about the kiss, about the fear that was eating him alive. But as he opened his mouth to speak, the words caught in his throat. How could he explain this to someone who had never experienced it, someone who didn't have to hide who they were?
Instead, Jan shook his head, forcing a small, strained smile. ''It's just stress. School, family stuff… you know how it is.''
Haruto didn't look convinced, but he didn't push. ''Well whatever it is, you don't have to go through it alone,'' he said, his tone gentle. ''You've got people who care about you, Jan. Don't forget that.''
Jan nodded, but inside, he felt like he was drowning. The weight of the secret he was carrying, the secret of what he felt for Ren, was suffocating him. And even though Haruto's words were meant to comfort him, they only made Jan feel more isolated. Because no matter how much his friends cared, none of them could understand what he was going through.
Later that night, Jan found himself staring at his phone again, his fingers hovering over Ren's name in his contacts. He wanted to call him, to hear his voice, to apologize for running.
But before he could make a decision, his phone buzzed.
It was Ren.
Ren: ''We need to talk. Meet me at the usual place.''
Jan's heart raced as he read the message. The usual place, the rooftop. His hands trembled as he typed back a response, but before he could send it another message came through.
Ren: ''Don't run this time.''
The words hit Jan like a punch to the gut. Ren wasn't asking anymore, he was demanding. And Jan knew he couldn't keep avoiding this. He couldn't keep hiding from the truth.
Jan: ''I'll be there.''
The rooftop felt different tonight. The air was colder, sharper, and Jan's anxiety spiked as he climbed the stairs, his mind racing with what Ren might say. Would he be angry? Hurt? Would he tell Jan it was over, that he couldn't handle Jan's fear anymore?
When Jan stepped onto the rooftop, Ren was already there, leaning against the railing, his back to Jan. He looked calm, almost too calm, and that scared Jan more than anything.
Jan approached slowly, his footsteps echoing in the quiet night. Ren didn't turn around until Jan was standing right behind him, and when he did, his expression was unreadable.
For a long moment, neither of them spoke. The silence stretched between them, thick with tension.
''I'm sorry,'' Jan finally whispered, his voice shaking. ''For running.''
Ren's jaw tightened, but he didn't look away. ''Why did you?''
Jan swallowed hard, his throat tight. ''Because I'm scared,'' he admitted, his voice barely audible. ''I'm scared of what this means, of what could happen if people found out.''
Ren's eyes softened, but there was still a hardness to his expression, a wall that hadn't been there before. ''You're not the only one who's scared, Jan,'' he said, his voice low. ''But I'm willing to take that risk. I'm willing to fight for this. For us.''
Jan felt his chest tighten, the weight of Ren's words pressing down on him. He wanted to fight too, he wanted to be brave, to be strong enough to face the world with Ren by his side. But the fear, the anxiety, it was crippling.
''I don't know if I'm strong enough,'' Jan whispered, his voice breaking. I don't know if I can do this.''
Ren stepped closer, his gaze intense, his hand reaching out to cup Jan's face. ''you're stronger than you think,'' Ren said softly. But you have to stop running. You have to trust me. Can you do that?''
Jan's heart was pounding in his chest. Could he do that? Could he let go of the fear that had been holding him back for so long?
For a moment, Jan didn't know if he could. But as he looked into Ren's eyes, the warmth of his touch grounding him, Jan felt something shift inside him, something that told him maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to be afraid anymore.
''I'll try,'' Jan whispered, his voice trembling. ''I'll try.''
Ren's lips curved into a small, soft smile, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Jan felt a glimmer of hope, a fragile, tentative hope that maybe they could survive this after all.
But even as they stood there, wrapped in the quiet intimacy of the moment, Jan couldn't shake the feeling that the storm wasn't over yet.