Jan spent the next few days walking on eggshells. Despite their conversation on the rooftop, the weight of his decision still bore down on him. Trusting Ren meant stepping into a future he wasn't sure he was ready for, a future where the world would know about them, where their love wouldn't just exist in stolen moments but in the glaring light of reality.
He tried to focus on school, on his routine, but every time he passed by Ren in the halls or saw him across the quad, the knot of anxiety in his chest tightened. The tension between them hadn't disappeared; it had only shifted, taking a new form, more intense and fraught with possibility.
But that possibility also carried danger.
On the outside, Ren seemed calm, collected, the same confident presence Jan had always admired. But Jan could see through the façade now, could see the restlessness lurking beneath Ren's cool exterior, the same frustration longing that kept Jan awake at night.
It was Friday afternoon when everything came to a head.
Jan had been avoiding Ren all day, using the excuse of group projects and studying to keep his distance. But it wasn't long before Ren found him, cornering him in the back of the library, his expression unreadable, his eyes sharp.
''We need to talk,'' Ren said, his voice low and serious.
Jan's heart leapt into his throat. He knew what was coming, knew this conversation had been inevitable, but that didn't make it any easier. ''I've been busy…''
''No you've been avoiding me.'' Ren's tone was firm, leaving no room for argument. ''You said you'd try, Jan. But this…'' he gestured between them his hands tightening into a fist, ''this isn't trying.''
Jan looked down, unable to meet Ren's gaze. He could feel the pressure building inside him, the tension that had been simmering for days now reaching a boiling point.
''I'm sorry,'' Jan murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. ''Just… I don't know how to handle this.''
Ren took a step closer, the intensity in his eyes making Jan's pulse quicken. ''Then tell me how I can help,'' Ren said, his voice softer now, but no less determined. ''I don't want to lose you, Jan. But I need you to meet me halfway.''
Jan's chest tightened, the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He wanted to meet Ren halfway, he wanted to be brave enough, strong enough, to stand by Ren's side no matter the consequences. But the fear still lingered, whispering doubts into his mind.
What if it all went wrong? What if they were outed? What if Ren decided Jan wasn't worth the trouble?
''I don't know if I can,'' Jan finally admitted, his voice trembling with the weight of his confession.
Ren's expression hardened, his jaw clenching as he struggled to keep his frustration in check. ''Then what are we doing, Jan?'' he asked, his voice rough, edged with pain. ''Are we just going to pretend this isn't happening? That what feel for each other doesn't matter?''
Jan's throat tightened. ''It's not that simple, Ren. You know it's not.''
Ren took another step closer, his gaze piercing, challenging. ''It is that simple,'' he said, his voice rising just slightly, the fire in his eyes burning hotter now. ''It's simple if we both want it. But I need to know you want this too, Jan. I can't keep doing this, wondering if you are going to run every time things gets tough.''
Jan's heart raced, the weight of Ren's words crashing over him like a wave. He could feel the walls he had built around himself crumbling, piece by piece, leaving him exposed and vulnerable.
''I want this,'' Jan whispered, his voice barely audible. ''I want you. But I'm scared.''
Ren's expression softened, the fire in his eyes dimming, replaced by something deeper, something tender. ''I know you are,'' he said quietly, his hand reaching out to cup Jan's face, his touch gentle. ''But we don't have to face this alone. We can figure it out together. I just need you to stop pulling away.''
Jan closed his eyes, leaning into Ren's touch, the warmth of his touch soothing the storm inside him. For the first time in what felt like forever, Jan allowed himself to let go, just a little, just enough to feel the weight of his fear lifting, replaced by the steady, comforting presence of Ren by his side.
''I'll stop running,'' Jan whispered, his voice soft but filled with a quiet resolve. ''I'll try.''
Ren smiled, the tension between them easing, replaced by a shared sense of relief, of hope. ''That's all I ask.''
But as soon as the moment of calm settled between them, it was shattered by the sound of footsteps echoing through the library.
Jan stiffened, his heart racing as he turned to see who had walked in. His breath caught in his throat when he saw Haruto standing at the end of the aisle his eyes wide with shock as he stared at Jan and Ren.
For a split second, no one moved, the silence between them was deafening.
''Haruto…'' Jan's voice trembled as he stepped back his mind reeling with the implications of what Haruto had just witnessed. His friend stood frozen, his face a mixture if confusion and disbelief.
Ren stepped forward, his jaw clenched, but his voice calm. ''This isn't what it looks like.''
But Haruto shook his head, backing away, his expression unreadable. ''Jan… what's going on?'' His voice was soft, tentative, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.
Jan's heart raced, his mind screaming at him to come up with an explanation, an excuse, anything that could make this go away. But he couldn't lie to Haruto. Not anymore. The truth was out, and there was no turning back.
''I…'' Jan stammered, his voice breaking. ''I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out like this.''
Haruto's face hardened, his shock giving way to something else, something darker. ''So it's true,'' he muttered, more to himself that to Jan. ''You and Ren…?''
Jan's chest tightened, his throat dry as he nodded, the weight of the admission hitting him like a ton of bricks. ''Yes,'' he whispered. ''It's true.''
Haruto's eyes flicked to Ren, then back to Jan, his expression unreadable. For a moment, Jan thought Haruto might say something, anything, but instead, he turned and walked away leaving Jan and Ren standing in stunned silent.
Jan stood frozen, his heart pounding in his chest as he watched Haruto disappear down the hall. The world felt like it was collapsing around him, the walls closing in as the reality of what had just happened sank in.
Jan…'' Ren's voice was soft, but Jan barely heard him. His mind was spinning, his thoughts a jumbled mess of fear and panic. It was over.
Haruto knew, and if Haruto knew, it was only a matter of time before everyone else did too.