I am such a Foolish! What I was thinking, and attempted suicide.
She had an affair with another man, during with me!But…does it matter?! She still be by my side, Right?…
l love her, l am not after her body. So, does it matter? if someone other take it?…
But why? It's discomforting.
As all other lovers, l wish for your well…your happiness…success, and so on.
I'm happy, that you found someone, more response able, trustable,than me…be happy.
Ahaaaa!
Why?!…
Is l'm not good enough?!…
What l did wrong?!…
Why didn't you tell me?!…
if I'm poor, weak, ugly…
just leave me,
Why? Why? Why?!!!
Hah,
But still does it matter?…
You still come back at me…
support me,
What l need more than that?…isn't it?
Isn't it?
No,no,no!!!…
you know!… I like you,l love you! more than anything!
l had provided it! again and again, again and again, again and again!!!
I tried hard to know you,
what is you likes, dislike;
What you thinks, What you wants— even, l had no that much money, yet l managed to get you happy, even! just a little…
l think, you forgot…since highschool,
l spent my time with you,
l spent my money on you— for your happiness.
Everyone called me bootlicker!
But, l didn't mind, because your are special for me… l endured all.
My love, loyalty, trust, everything! everything! you paid me back with betrayal.
l'm such a fool, l had been running for nothing but betrayal.
l have loveable family,there, no one hates me…
if they know.
l'm such asshole, l gave my family none but troubles.
if l survive, l swear,
l wouldn't make my family…who loves me, cry anymore.
*. *. *.
After a month...
Thud-thud-thud!l still alive. l survived from my injuries. How luck, but!…with a penalty. Hah, my right leg had broken. As doctor's report, there no garanty that my leg fully recover. But, l can move my legs, 30% to 40%
l came back my office, still l'm not fully recover yet l couldn't leave my assignments. My office is nearing from my apartment. My family is far away from here, about 60kolimeter, East.
My family, what are their react seeing me like this?… just, think about it, my brain blank.
Slided!l enter my office, l'm losing in thoughts, suddenly-
" Long time no see, so how is your injuries now? Mister Ayush!" it is Miss Lina.
"Oh! Miss Lina, l'm fine now" She is receptionist of our company. also, l know her quite well.
She is beautiful, diligent, and have a good self-esteem, also have good personality.She is too young, to believe that, she is three years older than me. She is a like a 'Didi' ( Elder sister)to me.But, l likes to call her Miss, she doesn't mind.
" I was scared about you sudden accident. But now l felt relieved, You recover" She said, feeling relief.
" No, Not fully, look at this" l said, pointing at the broken leg.
" Hmm, it's okay, you are out of denger" she said, comforting me.
Hah, l halted, l unwilling to take conversation any farther. "See you again!"l left the counter, greeting Miss Lina.
Our building is about twelve floors, including ground floor, and my workspace is in second floor.
l went toward lift, pressed the 2nd floor bottom. how, it is taking so time! i'm late today,
now this lift I mocking at you!
l absent for a month. Hah, how many assignments has gathered in one month.
Nothing but, l have to over time, haaah, l feel sleepy, even l still not start yet.
Tin! The second had arrived, l went out of the lift.
Chatting! Chatting! As usual, busy, busy, busy.
" Hey, bro, How are you?" my colleague and l don't even know his name; Actually, l barely know my all colleague name, either.
"yeah, l'm fine, but this ones is not"l said feeling sorrow.
"If you need any help call me!" he said, as if he's hero. But, l felt kinda relaxed.
" Sure" l smilely said.
Thud!Rustle! Rustle!
Haa, man, that's too much! It wouldn't finish within a week.
Let get started!
" Hey, Senior Miss Sanjana is calling you".
Sanjana!
Haah-
No matter what!
l have to face her, and make clear everything!
Thud-thud-thud! Halted! "May l come in ma'am?" l said politely.
"Sure, Come in" She said.
Thud-thud-thud! l came in, she is front of me. Today, she is wearing a fashionable, white dress, with black skirt.
She wasn't like that. She always do less make up on her face, and clueless about fashions.
But, after entering the office, she changed herself. And, the reason wasn't unknown anymore.
" Ayush! l'm happy, that you recover, But..." She said, halted in half.
" Could you like to live in my place?… nor, it would difficult, work to home, home to work" She smilely said.
What?! And why would I?
l have to clear everything. Eventually there only one would hurts, that's me.
"Sanjana! l want to talk with you…that's important!" l said seriously.
* * *
Hah, l'm exhausted, ha! still so many assignment is left.
Foo, it's about to time, She left earlier!
Now, or never.
Thud-thud-thud! "Sanjana, l'm sorry, l was late" l said in sorrow.
"It's okay" She forgave him.
They both were standing out of the office, beside the road.
Whooosh! it's evening time, wind floating vastnessly, messing with Sanjana's long, shiny, Light brown hair.
Flattering of winds, with a nostalgic expression on Sanjana's face; made difficulties onto Ayush.
He hesitating;
" Break up… Let's Break up" at last, l said in courage.
Sanjana suddered, speechless, she was doing just watch and listen. It was seemed, her paradise had torn up.
She was begging, willing to know the reason.
"Why? What happened?!…let's talk properly"She nervously said.
" l said, let's break up" You need not to know the reason, just leave me alone, without any drama.
Thud-thud-thud! l was walking away, left her behind. l tried to show coldness, but, l can't escape from my heart, because it was loved you the most.
Finally, the night had ended, the smoke had vanished; now l can see, a new day, with rising sun.
good-bye, l hope, you might be happy, now, with the man you like most.
You are free.