"MuMu, please, open your eyes!" Xiao Yan pleaded, his voice trembling uncontrollably. His heart ached with a pain he had never known before, as though it were physically being squeezed. It felt like someone had knocked the breath out of his lungs.
"Lin Mu…!" Xiao Yan's voice was almost a desperate cry as he begged Lin Mu to wake up. But there was no response. The silence was suffocating.
Xiao Yan carefully lifted Lin Mu and placed him gently on the bed. He was overwhelmed by an illness in his heart that he couldn't quite name. What was wrong with him? He pulled out his phone and called his friend who was a doctor.
"Zhi Yuan, can you come?" Xiao Yan's voice shook with nervousness.
"Xiao Yan, what's wrong?!" Song Zhi Yuan asked as he hurriedly left his home. From Xiao Yan's voice, he could tell something was terribly wrong. He remembered Xiao Yan's struggles with PTSD after his parents passed away, and his concern deepened.
"Please come!" Xiao Yan urged, rubbing his forehead in a futile attempt to quell his uncontrollable worry.
"I'll be there right away. Don't stress, and for heaven's sake, don't cry!" Song Zhi Yuan said, his voice laced with concern. Knowing Xiao Yan's tone well, he was sure something was seriously wrong.
Xiao Yan sat next to Lin Mu, holding him close. He couldn't understand why his life had turned out this way. It seemed like everything he touched fell apart. The day he met Lin Mu, his life had spiraled into chaos. He had lost friends, his crush, and then his parents. Now, there was no one left in his life because of Lin Mu. He struggled with his feelings—how could he bear to see Lin Mu hurt, when he couldn't bring himself to like the boy, yet knew he couldn't live with the guilt if anything happened to him?
"Xiao Yan!" Song Zhi Yuan called out as he entered the bedroom. His eyes fell on the pale figure of Lin Mu cradled in Xiao Yan's arms.
"Take a look at him!" Xiao Yan whispered, still staring down, his mind clouded by anguish when it came to Lin Mu.
"Let him lie down first," Song Zhi Yuan said gently, noticing how Xiao Yan refused to let go of Lin Mu. He was well aware of Xiao Yan's reticence; it was painful to see his friend in such a state. Xiao Yan had always been a man of few words, especially when overwhelmed by his own emotions.
"..." Xiao Yan reluctantly laid Lin Mu back on the bed, still hovering protectively.
…
"Is he… Lin Mu, your husband?" Song Zhi Yuan asked. He had been Xiao Yan's childhood friend but had left the country before Xiao Yan met Lin Mu. He had heard about Lin Mu but had never met him, and their wedding had been a private affair that he had missed.
"Yes," Xiao Yan replied, keeping his gaze lowered.
"He fainted due to weakness," Song Zhi Yuan said, administering an injection to Lin Mu. "Don't worry; it's nothing serious. Just make sure he eats something when he wakes up, as he hasn't had anything all day."
"I will. Thank you so much, Zhi Yuan," Xiao Yan said with a relieved yet grateful smile.
"We're friends. You don't need to thank me. It's my job," Song Zhi Yuan said with a smile.
"Still…" Xiao Yan said as he gently placed Lin Mu on the sofa.
"Xiao Yan, do you mind telling me why you're so stressed?" Song Zhi Yuan asked, taking a seat.
"I don't know. I just don't understand why I feel this way," Xiao Yan mumbled helplessly. He couldn't grasp why he felt so restless when Lin Mu was ill, or why his heart tightened with such intensity.
"What don't you understand?"
"I don't understand why I feel restless when he's hurt," Xiao Yan said, his distress evident. Despite Lin Mu causing him pain, he cared deeply for him. Why?
"You don't hate him, do you?" Song Zhi Yuan asked with a light smile, able to read Xiao Yan's emotions. There was no trace of hatred in his friend's demeanor, despite his claims of dislike.
"I don't know if I hate him or not, but I just can't bear to see him happy while I'm suffering. Yet, it hurts when he's in pain," Xiao Yan said with a dejected smile. He couldn't comprehend the conflicting feelings—his heart ached when Lin Mu was hurt, but he felt tortured watching him happy.
"Xiao Yan, take your time. Try to understand your emotions. Don't rush yourself. You have a lifetime to figure out what you want," Song Zhi Yuan advised with a supportive smile. He could see that Xiao Yan was hurting, feeling that Lin Mu was responsible for his miseries, yet he couldn't bring himself to hate him. Deep down, Xiao Yan likely harbored profound feelings for Lin Mu that he was struggling to identify.
Xiao Yan nodded silently, his gaze fixed on Lin Mu, who was now sleeping soundly. After receiving a call from the hospital, Song Zhi Yuan excused himself, leaving after a few more words with Xiao Yan.
…
It was early morning when Lin Mu began to stir. He forced his eyes open, feeling weakness throughout his body. His entire body ached, and his head throbbed. The light streaming in was blinding, making him flinch. He noticed that his hand was being held, and turning his head, he saw Xiao Yan asleep, clutching his hand.
Despite his pain, Lin Mu's heart swelled with happiness at the sight of Xiao Yan beside him, holding him so tenderly. It was a surprise to see the man he loved, who had once claimed to despise him, now sleeping while holding him. Even if this was just a dream, Lin Mu didn't want to wake up to the reality of Xiao Yan's detest.
Feeling thirsty, Lin Mu tried to reach for the water without disturbing Xiao Yan. He carefully attempted to pull his hand away but winced as Xiao Yan's grip tightened painfully.
Xiao Yan jolted awake at the sound of Lin Mu's discomfort. Seeing Lin Mu's pained expression, he noticed the red mark on his hand where his grip had been too tight. He felt a pang of distress, regretting having hurt him, whether intentionally or not.
"I'm sorry," Xiao Yan said, guilt lacing his voice.
"I'm fine," Lin Mu whispered weakly.
Xiao Yan handed Lin Mu a glass of water, watching as he struggled to hold it.
"Thank you," Lin Mu said, drinking the entire glass in one go.
"Why didn't you eat anything all day?" Xiao Yan asked, taking the glass from Lin Mu.
"I…" Lin Mu felt a flush of embarrassment.
"I'm all ears," Xiao Yan said softly.
Lin Mu's face turned crimson as he admitted, "I can't cook."
"Oh, damn. I forgot to ask you! I should have prepared something before leaving," Xiao Yan said, distressed. His thoughtlessness had left Lin Mu starving all day without considering whether he could cook. How could he have been so careless?
"Yan Ge, please don't apologize. I should have told you earlier, but I forgot. It's my fault. I'm sorry for troubling you," Lin Mu said, guilt in his voice, even though his heart was warmed by Xiao Yan's concern.
"Let me make something for you," Xiao Yan said with a relaxed smile, startling Lin Mu. The warmth of Xiao Yan's smile made Lin Mu's heart race. Was his husband actually smiling at him?
Yan Ge, why are you giving me hope? Please don't show me your kindness only to take it away later. If you can't continue being good to me, don't give me hope. I don't want to expect anything that might put us in a worse situation. Please don't give me happiness only to snatch it away. I beg you, Lin Mu thought tearfully.
…
"What's wrong? Where are you hurting?" Xiao Yan asked as he entered with soup, noticing Lin Mu in tears.
Lin Mu shook his head, wiping away his tears. His heart ached to receive his love.
"Then why are you crying?" Xiao Yan asked, his voice rough and deep, startling Lin Mu.
"Yan Ge, I…" Lin Mu stuttered, trembling in fear. Xiao Yan had never used such a tone with him before. His voice faltered, and his tears distorted his vision.
Xiao Yan himself was shocked at how his voice had turned dark, realizing how sensitive Lin Mu was. Having grown up as a sheltered child, Lin Mu had never experienced such harshness.
Seeing Lin Mu's tears, Xiao Yan felt an urgent need to comfort him. "I'm sorry. Please stop crying," he said hurriedly. He pulled Lin Mu into a comforting hug and gently stroked his head, trying to calm him down. After a while, Lin Mu settled, and Xiao Yan placed a bed tray in front of him and served the soup.
Xiao Yan watched with a mix of amusement and tenderness as Lin Mu struggled to hold the spoon, spilling soup everywhere.
"Such a baby," Xiao Yan remarked playfully, taking the spoon from Lin Mu and beginning to feed him.
Lin Mu ate silently, looking at Xiao Yan with deep affection. His heart was filled with warmth, making him feel blessed. He thought that being ill was worth it, just to have his husband's attention.