Xiao Yan, despite his exhaustion, made dinner for both himself and Lin Mu. The day had been emotionally draining, and all he wanted was to collapse into bed and rest. Yet, he couldn't bear the thought of Lin Mu going to bed on an empty stomach after everything that had transpired. His husband needed nourishment, even if Xiao Yan himself was on the brink of collapse.
---
As Xiao Yan pushed open the door to their bedroom, he carefully balanced two large bowls of steaming food. His shoulders sagged under the weight of exhaustion, but his determination was unwavering. Lin Mu had been through so much today, and Xiao Yan was resolute that his husband wouldn't face the night hungry.
Lin Mu, who had been sitting on the cold floor, felt a sudden chill seep into his bones, leaving his lower half numb. The cold was unbearable, but he wanted to move and help Xiao Yan, who seemed to be struggling with the load. However, his limbs felt heavy, and his body protested any movement.
When Xiao Yan entered, he placed the bowls on the table with a relieved sigh. He scanned the room for Lin Mu and found him curled up on the floor. The sight was heart-wrenching. Lin Mu's face was a canvas of distress—swollen, red eyes, a nose that had turned an alarming shade of red, and cheeks flushed with the aftermath of tears. The cold floor had only compounded his misery.
"Ugh, just how much did he cry?" Xiao Yan muttered under his breath, his voice laced with concern and guilt. Lin Mu was already unwell, and now he had been pushed to tears once more. Xiao Yan's heart ached at the sight of his husband in such distress.
Lin Mu looked up at Xiao Yan with eyes filled with a mixture of surprise and uncertainty. Xiao Yan's approach was a stark contrast to what he had anticipated. He had braced himself for anger, for harsh words or reprimands. But now, seeing Xiao Yan's gentle demeanor and the way he was coming closer, Lin Mu felt a flicker of hope.
"Don't sit on the cold floor next time. You can cry sitting on the bed too," Xiao Yan said softly, crouching down to Lin Mu's level. The warmth in his voice was a stark contrast to the harshness Lin Mu had braced himself for.
Lin Mu blinked, trying to process the suggestion. Crying on the bed seemed a foreign concept to him; he had always associated his suffering with the cold, hard floor, which now felt like an unforgiving witness to his emotional turmoil.
Xiao Yan took out a handkerchief and gently wiped Lin Mu's tear-streaked face. His hands moved with practiced care, as if he were handling something fragile and precious. Satisfied with the cleanliness of Lin Mu's face, he carefully lifted him from the floor and guided him to the sofa. The tenderness in his movements spoke volumes of his care and concern.
Lin Mu, still in shock, struggled to comprehend the situation. He had expected reprimands or anger, but Xiao Yan's actions were gentle and kind. As he was placed on the sofa, he felt a wave of disbelief and gratitude. His mind raced, grappling with the reality of Xiao Yan's unexpected kindness after everything that had happened. The contrast between his expectations and Xiao Yan's actual behavior left him feeling overwhelmed.
"Eat up," Xiao Yan said, noticing Lin Mu's dazed expression. His voice was firm yet gentle, urging Lin Mu to focus on the meal in front of him.
Lin Mu's gaze shifted from Xiao Yan to the food and back. His confusion was palpable; he couldn't understand why Xiao Yan wasn't angry with him. The beef noodles, which he loved, seemed both comforting and alien in his current state.
Xiao Yan sighed, his patience wearing thin but his concern evident. "I'm tired, Lin Mu. I need to work and then sleep. So, please, just eat without complaining."
Lin Mu, taken aback by Xiao Yan's request, looked down at the bowl of noodles. Despite his turmoil, he didn't want to add to Xiao Yan's burden. He began eating quietly, savoring the familiar taste of the beef noodles. Each bite was a small comfort, and he felt a pang of guilt for making Xiao Yan exert himself further.
---
After they finished eating, Xiao Yan collected the empty bowls and headed to the kitchen. The rhythmic clatter of the dishes was accompanied by his heavy sighs, a reflection of his weariness.
"Why did you come down, Lin Mu? You're still ill, if you don't remember," Xiao Yan said, his voice tinged with frustration as he noticed Lin Mu following him.
"I want to help," Lin Mu said, his voice small and filled with an earnest desire to make amends.
"I can wash the dishes. Just go back to bed or stand quietly," Xiao Yan replied, focusing on scrubbing the bowls with more force than necessary. The physical task was a distraction from the emotional weight he was carrying.
Lin Mu, feeling the sting of Xiao Yan's words, lowered his gaze. "Yan Ge, I'm sorry," he said, his voice quivering. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he felt the crushing weight of guilt. He feared that Xiao Yan now harbored resentment towards him.
Xiao Yan paused for a moment, his hands stilling in the soapy water. He was silent for a few seconds before resuming his task, his movements more subdued. The silence between them was heavy, filled with unspoken words and unresolved feelings.
"Gege, Yan Ge, Xiao Yan Gege!" Lin Mu's voice trembled as he called out, each variation of Xiao Yan's name a plea for acknowledgment. His heart ached with the fear that Xiao Yan might hate him. He was drowning in a sea of regret and guilt, unsure of how to make things right.
"Husband…" Lin Mu's voice was barely a whisper, a desperate plea that cut through the silence.
Xiao Yan, who had just finished drying his hands, froze. The word "husband" echoed in his mind, creating a whirlpool of emotions. He turned slowly to face Lin Mu; his eyes wide with surprise.
"So cute… Wait, what? Cute? Xiao Yan, have you gone mad? There is no way it was cute," Xiao Yan thought, feeling a mix of confusion and tenderness. His initial reaction was one of disbelief, but the tenderness of Lin Mu's plea tugged at his heart.
He sighed deeply, his gaze settling on Lin Mu, who was now sobbing openly. The sight of Lin Mu's distress was almost unbearable. Xiao Yan felt a surge of frustration and helplessness. He wished he could erase the pain and make everything right, but the emotions were tangled and complex.
Xiao Yan approached Lin Mu and took his hand gently, leading him back to the living room. He guided him to the sofa and began to clean his face once more. Xiao Yan's touch was gentle, but there was an underlying frustration. The mess of Lin Mu's tears was a visible reminder of the emotional turmoil they were both experiencing.
"I… I am sorry, Yan Ge," Lin Mu said, his voice heavy with remorse. He looked down, unable to meet Xiao Yan's gaze. His heart was burdened with guilt, and he felt a profound sense of regret. He had never wanted to hurt Xiao Yan; his actions were a result of intense emotions and insecurity. The thought of causing pain to the person he loved most was unbearable.
"Lin Mu, I can't accept your apology now. You haven't changed a bit," Xiao Yan said, his voice firm but tinged with sadness. He looked at Lin Mu, who appeared like a frightened animal, his eyes filled with a mixture of fear and sadness. "Please don't apologize and cause yourself more distress."
Lin Mu's eyes filled with fresh tears, his heart aching at Xiao Yan's words. He felt like he was trapped in a nightmare, unable to find a way out. "Yan Ge, I… I'm trying my best. But I don't know why I reacted like that. I was just hurt," Lin Mu said, his voice breaking. The weight of Xiao Yan's disappointment was crushing him, and he feared that their relationship might be irreparably damaged.
Xiao Yan sighed, his frustration giving way to a deep, contemplative sadness. "Why were you hurt, Lin Mu?" he asked gently, though he had a strong suspicion of the answer. He wanted Lin Mu to articulate his feelings, to lay bare the reasons behind his actions. Xiao Yan needed to understand what had driven Lin Mu to such a state.
"I was hurt… You never touched me, but you allowed other women to touch you. I was scared you might leave me if you loved someone else. That woman was pretty, and I felt jealous that she was close to you while I was not. I thought you didn't like me because I'm a man. I know you said you wouldn't be able to love me, but it scares me that one day you might find someone else who is worthy of you, and I'm not. I was hurting so much that I didn't even realize why I reacted the way I did. But, Yan Ge, please believe me, I did not know what I was doing until I did something terrible. I am sorry, I am sorry. I was just so scared that you would leave me. I don't want to die, but I'd die without you. Please, don't hate me, don't leave me. I can't survive without you. Yan Ge, you are my oxygen," Lin Mu cried out, his sobs muffled by the sofa. His
confession was a raw outpouring of his deepest fears and insecurities.
Xiao Yan was struck by a profound shock as he listened to Lin Mu's words. He had always known that Lin Mu loved him deeply, but he had underestimated the extent of that love. The depth of Lin Mu's feelings was both overwhelming and illuminating. Xiao Yan had been so focused on his own struggles that he had failed to fully appreciate the emotional turmoil Lin Mu had been experiencing.
Xiao Yan's heart ached as he processed Lin Mu's confession. The intensity of Lin Mu's emotions was palpable, and it created a complex mix of feelings within Xiao Yan. He was torn between his own discomfort and the realization of Lin Mu's profound vulnerability.
He found himself at a loss, unsure of how to react. The intensity of Lin Mu's love and the depth of his fears were both daunting and moving. Xiao Yan realized that, despite his own struggles, he had to address Lin Mu's feelings with compassion and understanding.
Xiao Yan took Lin Mu into his arms, the embrace a tentative attempt to offer comfort. He rocked Lin Mu gently, his hands moving soothingly on Lin Mu's back. The act of holding Lin Mu was a balm for both, a moment of shared solace amidst the turmoil.
"Shh, stop crying, will you?" Xiao Yan said softly, feeling Lin Mu's sobs continue against his chest. His own heart was heavy with conflicting emotions, but he tried to offer a sense of calm and reassurance.
"You should have asked me, Lin Mu. It was wrong for you to react without thinking," Xiao Yan said, his voice carrying a mix of concern and frustration. The words were meant to convey that Lin Mu's actions, though painful, stemmed from deep-seated fears rather than malice. Xiao Yan's sigh was a release of his own pent-up emotions.
"But the entire fault can't be yours. I didn't make things clear to you either," Xiao Yan said, his voice softening. He didn't want Lin Mu to suffer any more than necessary. He wanted to clarify the situation and offer some measure of relief. "Let me make it clear to you…"
Xiao Yan looked directly into Lin Mu's tear-streaked eyes, trying to convey sincerity and resolve. "Even if I don't love you in the way, you want me to, I only have one husband, and that is you, Xiao Lin Mu. So set it in your mind that I will never fall for someone else or cheat on you," Xiao Yan said firmly, his words intended to reassure Lin Mu of his commitment.
Lin Mu shivered at Xiao Yan's clear declaration, his heart skipping a beat. The reassurance was both comforting and overwhelming. He had never imagined that Xiao Yan would make such a definitive statement, and it left him in a state of profound relief and disbelief.
"So you don't need to be jealous of others, as they are not the ones who are married to me," Xiao Yan said with a light smile, trying to alleviate some of the tension in the room. His words were meant to ease Lin Mu's fears and provide a sense of security.
"Do not get hurt seeing or hearing things related to me, as they can never be true. Believe me, it will be bad for you if you hurt yourself assuming things," Xiao Yan continued, his voice taking on a more serious tone. He wanted Lin Mu to understand that his fears were unfounded and that he should focus on their relationship rather than external distractions. "If I find out you're hurting yourself over assumptions, it will be bad for you because you are my husband. Only I have the right to hurt you, no one else, not even your parents."
Lin Mu flinched slightly at Xiao Yan's possessive words, a mixture of surprise and discomfort evident on his face. The intensity of Xiao Yan's protectiveness was both reassuring and overwhelming.
"You don't need to fear me leaving you, as it's never going to happen. I won't ever let you go unless you choose to leave on your own," Xiao Yan said, his eyes locked with Lin Mu's. He wanted Lin Mu to understand the depth of his commitment and the permanence of their relationship.
"So, don't get hurt, don't assume, don't cry, and don't beg. I won't do anything that will hurt you," Xiao Yan concluded with a gentle smile. His words were a promise, a vow to protect Lin Mu from harm and to be a source of stability and support.
Despite his inability to provide Lin Mu with the love he desired, Xiao Yan was determined to never knowingly inflict pain upon him. He might not be able to offer the emotional connection that Lin Mu longed for, but he was committed to safeguarding Lin Mu's well-being and ensuring that he never felt unloved or unwanted.