This chapter may look a bit familiar lol.
I somehow posted it by accident yesterday before I could add THIS part, or actually read over the journal entry on a level that would allow me to comment effectively afterward.
My bad folks lol.
But alas, here we are!!
I hope that you all have been well.
As well as can be in these trying times.
I won't keep you for too long, I know we all have things to do, and it's FRIDAY!!
Well...at least it is here in MY time zone lol
Have a good weekend folks.
Enjoy!
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May 9th, 2012.
Journal #035.
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I feel like XXXXX is supposed to be with me...
I'm so drawn to her as is XXXXX and all of my friends.
We have a strong connection and it's slowly driving me crazy.
XXXXX pales in her comparison...
So I was booted from school.
I feel much lighter now.
It's soothing.
I didn't like that school...
Just elements of it.
Now I can get more hours as well.
I look forward to saving!!!
Ps. #035.
I'm going up north this weekend!!!
I look forward to it!
Ooooooooooooh I can't wait.
I have memories to burn!!!!!
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-If you can recall...well, I suppose you could just flip back a few chapters as well.
Hmm.
Remember that orgy?
I had paired off with a young lady that I would go on to date, right?
My best friend had actually been "dating" the young lady that he had been with that night.
If you can recall, there was a third young lady present that night.
A third who had essentially just watched and pleased herself, before leaving the room to go do whatever she had saw fit.
That first XXXXX above was her.
Man, oh, man.
I had somehow found myself slowly falling for her.
It was crazy how magnetic we were, and how strong the chemistry was between us.
It was wild how we synergized.
It was she who had found that her Guardian was also a Faerie, from "Ouija" if you recall.
Man...this was quite the year.
I had come to find myself between a rather hard rock, and a sturdily unrelenting hard place.
-Why the rock and had place you may be asking?
I was still very much with the other young lady, dating that is.
The one whose name was killing me and slowly corroding the already tenuous bonds of the little romp that we were calling a relationship.
I was not as happy as I had thought that I would be with her.
It was a hox mix of old emotions, new infatuation, and still-fresh flashbacks to a summer of love that had torn my heart asunder...
Bah.
It was still too soon is all.
I was young and lonely.
-Man, FUCK that school! LMFAO
I am so serious though. Do you remember that commercial with the Black dude on the bridge, talking wild about how we are all just sitting at home on our couches wasting our lives?
The dude who INSISTED that we get up and go sign up for Pre-med school and make something of ourselves!?
Yeah...that found me at a very vulnerable time, and I went and applied and...
Oi...a whole ass story for another time.
I kid you not...
Long story short, I was kicked out because I missed too many days.
Mind you, my exe is still very much pregnant at this point, and I was constantly missing class to do things for her and attend doctor appointments and the like.
My life was so hectic back then, to look back at it is...unreal in some ways.
Just strange.
And to have the world look with me...
Or at least like...200 people.
That's not so bad.
Fuck...I post in Spanish as well...that's maybe another 100 or so readers.
I appreciate every one of you for it.
Believe me.
As cringy and juvenile as it can get lol.
Lort, have merbies.
-I was happy to not have to denote so much of my time to school at the time that I was kicked out, simply because I really needed to make more money.
I was kinda sinking in my bills, living from paycheck to paycheck always a couple weeks from homelessness...
Wow, doesn't sound so far from where I currently sit lol.
I just have a cat now.
But yeah, I needed to save. More so for the child that was on the way versus for anything to do with myself.
-I remember that trip up north that weekend.
I don't think I want to talk about it until at LEAST the next chapter though lbvs.
I don't wanna risk dropping any spoilers, you know?
-As for my old journals...
Man.
Had I not burned them?
I would probably be in a fucking psychiatric ward at this point after reading them all, just seeing how this volume and volume 1 have affected me on an emotional level.
Sheesh.
But...
I wish that I hadn't...you know?
Burned them, that is.
I wish now that I could remember more keenly those times, those feelings, those people.
I wish that I could read those old, heavy, laden pages.
Retain and recall the events.
It would be quite cathartic, but helpful for where I currently am now in my real life.
But even those ashes are gone by now.
I am a believer that everything happens for a reason.
I wasn't meant to carry those old journals.
They were much heavier mentally and emotionally than paper and ink that made them real.
The only way to REALLY be done with and dispose of a journal or diary is to put it to the flame.
The few that made it, made it.
And we will read them here and now, together.
Well...not NOW, NOW.
But with time.
Stick around people.
Please? lol.
See you soon folks, and until next time:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.