I have been doing a lot of thinking as of late.
Much more than normal even, which is just blah.
I can't even tell you exactly what has been drawing so much of my mental energy, but man...I have just been feeling really heavy and drained for some reason.
I don't think that these old journals are doing that lol.
Maybe I've inadvertently pissed off another Witch...
Seriously.
I mean, it's already happened once, and I do tend to find myself in the strangest of circles.
But alas, I rant.
I hope that you all have been well, yeah?
This world can be...unforgiving.
So, forgive yourself.
It's worth it.
Enjoy.
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April 15th, 2012.
Journal #030.
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Great Friday night/Saturday morning!
I had so much fun.
"Damn, that nigga got a big ass dick!"
LMAO.
Classic.
But on the downside...
She's gone...XXXXX
She knows I know...
The confrontation was hard...it still is.
I won't let myself cry...
I can hardly write straight...
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You know, I really, REALLY contemplated if I should go with that chapter title!
LMAO.
I decided that, yes.
Yes I should.
That was one hell of a night I tell ya.
I do recall this one, and quite vividly, at that.
For some of it?
You had to be there.
MAYEB a story for another time.
For other parts?
I can't speak for other peoples experiences lbvs!
Not on THIS story lol.
As for my part?
I used to host little gatherings on the weekends, as myself and many of my friends had jobs that were just waaaaaay to taxing to not have a good drink at the end of the five/six day run.
I was also in my early 20s, so there is that, and that was enough reason on its own.
Anyway lol.
This particular weekend had been filled with 20ish (probably more as the night rolled on) old and new friends, Dance/Pop/Hip-Hop/Juke music that was far to loud, a blunt being sparked every 10 minutes for an hour straight (even though I was not a partaker back then as I am now.), and two 28-quart coolers of dangerously potent wapatuli that had been secretly spiked with Ever clear.
Oh what a night.
One segment of that night would have the small group that remained play a fateful game of "truth-or-dare" lol.
After several round of shots, sex jokes, and secrets brought to light by the "truth", My -then- best friend had been so bold as to choose "dare" just as the booze and bravery both had hit their peak.
A pair of the ladies began to giggle and whisper to one another.
He glanced my way nervously.
I raised my hands palm-outward, and shrugged.
I knew these two a lot more than he had, and I knew that he was in for something ridiculous.
I knew also myself more than my friend knew me, and I knew that I would not let him suffer whatever it was alone, had it been something more embarrassing.
It was a fine night to be a loyal lad, I tell you.
I readied myself.
The dare came.
I laughed aloud at first, and for a split second, for several reasons, before immediately readying myself further.
One part of me figured that he would just take his shot (of whatever we were drinking) and be a man about it, as this dare was a bit wilder than any of the others that night thus far, and by far.
The other part of me, the WISE part, knew that this dude had far to much pride in his chest (and alcohol) to turn down such a dare, and that I was just as good as tied to his hip.
"We...no, *I dare you to pull down your pants and underwear to your ankles and walk to the ally and back."
Mind you, I lived on a corner, and the ally had to have been a good...10 yards up the block, my yard being between it and my apartment complex.
I felt for the dude.
As his own laugh faded, and he turned to lock eyes with me, I began to feel for myself too!
It was a bit nippy out for early April, and the damn streetlight just happen to not only have a new and bright ass lightbulb in it, but it was also right outside of my door.
Long story short?
He screamed:
"FUCK IT! NO CAMERA'S!"
Yanked down both his outer and inner layers, and made a run...eh, SHUFFLE for it!
...
...
...
Of course being the amazing BEST FRIEND that I was, I was but a few second behind him!
As for the title?
Lets just say, the ladies hadn't been very impressed at the first snake that they had seen slithering down the block lol.
-The last part of this entry was a bit more heavy...I had ben struggling for the longest time with these weird and scary dreams, you know? I had no idea what they could have meant or been illuding to, but I think I found out on that day or sometime over that weekend.
The baby was...well, there was a relatively large chance that it would not be mine...
I think that those weird dreams were trying to get me to look back at things a bit closer.
I had found out, or more accurately, I had done a hell of a lot of math and come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe I was out of town when this child was conceived.
But I had no way of knowing for sure, you know?
Myself and this young lady had been together for a handful of months, (maybe a year or two, it is a bit hard to recall) and it had been one hell of a ride, and an even wilder break up, to say the very least.
ANOTHER story for another time.
But I know that I had worked at a summer camp back in 2012, and I was way up North for at least 2.5 months between June and August.
The time didn't sound like it added up, but only a bit more time would really tell.
And a DNA test.
Hmm.
This was so hard on me...I had wanted a child for so long, and now I had to face the fact that this one may not even be mine.
What shit luck that was.
I guess you all will have to wait and see if he was mine or not, lbvs.
I had the honor of doing so lol.
See you soon folks!
-Redd.