Pardon the stretch of time between post folks, I have really been going through it.
Sheesh.
AND Lort have merbies...
But hey, we all are only human, and stuck here on this rock, so yeah.
No use complaining.
I do hope that you all have been well, healthy and well.
I hope that life has been as treating you all good.
I will leave you all to what you came for!
Enjoy.
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April 25th, 2012.
Journal #031.
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It has been a while.
This marks the day that I and XXXXX made it official...
I like her,
And she like me.
We will/do make a great couple.
Many personal fears seem to surface with the thought of entering once again that battlefield which is love.
Am I ready for this?
Is my shield strong enough?
My sword?
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So I had decided to take the young lady from our orgy seriously.
That is quite the sentence to write, and read back.
But I was not one to judge, nor am I still.
Sex on the first night doesn't make you any lesser, you know?
For some reason I had really taken to her, but I do believe that she -rather unfortunately- had been what we Millennial's would call a "Rebound."
I was also a bit stuck up on her name...
I just couldn't bring myself to fall freely for her with the mental and emotional pain that came with just hearing my exe's name being spoken.
And her name was that very same name.
I was young and not nearly as emotionally mature, you know?
If I could find her and apologize, I would.
What we had was not bad at all, It was just ill-fated due to my personal ghost.
Feelings of inadequacy and abandonment clung to her name like a miasma, but that wasn't her fault, and I never got the chance to tell her or explain.
Would she have understood, or even cared?
I can't say.
None of us can, yeah?
Lastly, the "Sword and Shield." thing.
I had this quote that I use to cling to when I was younger:
"We are 'something-something' knights.
Our hearts our sword, our minds our shield.
For life and love, we stand and fight,
Forever on Love's battlefield."
I made it up somewhere along the way, and it just became a part of me.
It is quite cringy lbvs, corny even.
But I loved it.
And still do.
I was always far too quixotic for my own good.
This fact had and still has gotten me used far to often to this day, you know?
Kind and open hearts tend to be taken advantage of at times...
Be wary of who and how deeply you love folks.
Bah.
I wish I could recall the poem/quote in full...
One day.
Yeah.
See you soon folk.
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Redd.