There was quite some time between some of my entries.
Life was a fair bit more active for me back in my 20s, you know?
That would be an accurate statement for most people my age, I believe.
I am 35, for anyone curious lol.
I did my best to keep busy back then.
Looking back now, I only regret that I didn't put more time into my writing.
While I am still young enough, I am still 35 lol.
That's like (counts on fingers quickly) half of my life gone already!
Maybe I could have been...more?
Better?
I literally have $5.00 in my savings account.
I live alone, in my little studio, with a little cat named Kiba.
And the occasional roach.
I live between my paychecks.
And on top of all of that, I just forgot what I was building up to.
Whelp.
At least we can see what the rest of my 20s were like, yeah?
Maybe we can piece it all together by the end of chapter #117.
If y'all hang around that long lol.
If I finish before the Universe decides that my time has come.
Bah,
pardon my...melancholy ranting.
Enjoy this entry lol.
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March 5th, 2012.
Journal #021.
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It's been a while...
Sorry, I've been pretty busy.
School is as annoying as ever, though I can't say that I don't like the new things I'm learning.
XXXXX has become very distant...I don't know why, but she has taken to her own world.
I hope all is well with her.
I haven't talked to XXXXX for a whole either.
Her child does well, from what I hear.
XXXXX is due back soon enough.
Although he's changed a lot, he's still my best friend, and will always be I believe.
I hear he's going to Iran.
I wish him the best.
He wants a child.
Best of luck to him I say.
My own is due soon enough, but do I want for it? him/her?
Sure I do...
I just hate that it was an "accident" that I happen to have a child -if it's mine- with the LAST person I ever figured I'd have a child with.
hmm...
So my taxes are nill.
I'm getting back very little and even that may be snatched away by our loving government...
A new friend...
"*XXXXX"
Enough about that...
XXXXX lived with my Mum -OUR Mum- once again.
XXXXX is gone.
For good?
I think so.
I say "lived" because my -our- Mum kicked her out...
Again...
In the middle of winter!
What a parent...
The convention -Fire and Ice- was so awesome!!!!
I really didn't want to come back.
What a nice getaway!
I've had many weird dreams as of late, and weird connections to my donor keep popping up...
As much as I dislike him, I hope all is well on his side of the world...
Not much new has happened.
I need to reinforce my faith...
I need change.
I hope good change comes soon.
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So let's do this is some semblance of order lol.
-School never really got any better for me, you know? I think that it just wasn't sticking -attending that particular school- because I had hesitated to start there in the first place. While I had always wanted to work with children in some capacity, I had found myself in that school as a prerequisite to someday becoming a Pediatrician, a dream that quickly faded with the stark realization that a vast amount of the knowledge that I had to retain required me to essentially study Latin lol
Other more pressing things would factor in as well, but many of those things -if told now- would be spoilers for future chapters folks.
-The first XXXXX was my God brother's lady. She and he were going through it while he was deployed. I felt terrible that I couldn't help her feel any better. She missed him dearly.
-The second XXXXX was the same friend of mine from pre-med school with those amazing eyes lol. She was going through something and missed a bit of class. I worried for her, she didn't live in the best of neighborhoods, you know? It didn't help that she was objectively attractive and no more than 5'0 tall. I would walk her home whenever I had the time, and whenever she would allow it. I would offer to walk her home more often once the sun began to set earlier due to daylight savings. After a while I had to stop, I believe that her ex was a bit...territorial, if you know what I mean. Even though my escorting her was purely platonic.
-The third XXXXX is my Godbrother. He was due back from his training soon enough and was going to deploy nearly immediately after he got back, so he and his lady had very little time to spend together. The problem was that his MAIN lady was pregnant already.
Yeah, things got a bit wild with the drama that was boiling up, and I didn't care to be at the center of it. I was friends with the lady that he was with, and never a fan of the one that he had pregnant. I just stayed in the background, where I seemed to exist best.
-Our fourth XXXXX was a really good friend of our family. She was such a vibrant, happy, whimsical soul. She and my mother were really good friends, and being only a decade younger than she was, she used to flirt with me relentlessly whenever her ill-mannered and abusive husband wasn't around.
I cared for her deeply, you know? She was so full of life and love, and I wished dearly that I could save her from that man somehow. It is a story for another time, but she "overdosed" in his bed...
I was so hurt and sad when I got that news man...
-Number five is my eldest sister on my mother's side. She and our mother could simply never get along for some reason. To this day they tend to keep to opposing parts of town. I will never know what made them this way, but I wish it wasn't so. I have some idea as to how things came to be what they are, but that isn't my story to tell.
-Lastly? The lady with which I had a child on the way. She was gone, having moved out once I confronted her about the fact that our shared child may in fact not be mine. She went to stay with her friends over on 16th Street. I didn't like it...not because SHE was gone, but because my child would be born into that environment, one of drug usage, filthy, gang violence, and so much more. I can't exaggerate this stuff folks. I went to that house once, and when I tell you I could literally see the basement through several holes in the floor...
Yeah, I will leave that at that lol.
The convention was amazing! The nerd in me was on full display I assure you, I spent way too much money that weekend, but I deserved it. I needed it.
I met some amazing people up there, and I even got my relatively-skilled ass kicked in MTG (Magic The Gathering) by a member of the Senior community lol.
An amazing weekend indeed. There were at least three dozen booths selling trinkets, cards, toys, and collectibles, as well as places to try random forms of fairground snacks and foods. A friend of mine had booked a hotel room for us, and we were blessed to find that this hotel had a pool. The less fortunate fact about this weekend was that my pregnant Ex had not only been invited but had tagged along...I found out after that trip about the other guy, and she was gone not long after.
I can recall having a vivid dream about someone telling me that my biological father had passed away. It was a weird feeling, you know? In that dream, I had cried quite a bit, but I am not sure that I would be so...emotionally inclined here in the modern day and real world. I don't have any form of relationship with him, and he hasn't bothered to text or call me.
I am fine with that, you know?
You can't miss what you've never had.
I am sure that some of that "good change" was soon to come.
We will see soon enough lol.
See you soon folks.
-Redd.