Fragmented memories of yesterday flooded through my mind faster than I could handle. I was overwhelmed by thoughts of last night to an extent that I started wondering about my sanity.
With every breath I took I wished I was breathing him in, but all that existed was the subtle smell of his pheromones on the clothes that I went home in. When my eyes darted through my room I was hoping to see him, but the only person who shared this space with me was my brother Micah, still soundly asleep while sitting in the nook of my bay window.
I felt too clean. Every trace of him was removed from my being, and if it wasn't for the oversized shirt that I was currently wearing and my brother dozing off in the corner of my room I would have thought everything was a fabrication of my imagination. I don't quite remember when, but at some point someone got me to take my inhibitors and while I still felt mildly feverish I could tell that the meds had kicked in.
I need to see him again. Well, there's nothing I can really do from my bed anyway. Deciding to get changed I sat up in bed only to get startled by a sudden ache in my lower back.
"Oof! Ow that's sore. Maybe I should take a hot bath first."
"Avery! You're awake, are you okay? Are you in pain? Dizzy? Talk to me, how do you feel?"
Why does he have to pry into this, it's not like this is any of his business.
"Yeah I'm fine, just a little achy. Why are you here anyway?"
"I've been taking care of you since I brought you back home. Don't you… Remember?"
"If you're asking about when you took me home then yeah, I remember… Well kind of. My memory is pretty hazy, but I do remember bits and pieces."
He looks so panicked and tired, what the hell is he stressing about?
"Anyway, I need some time to think. I just woke up, and I don't remember everything about last night. I think I just need some time alone; I'm taking a bath."
Micah's face paled, and I could tell he had something to say.
"Just spit it out, will you? I don't have all day. Plus, I need to try to get my phone and wallet back, if that fucking café still even has it. I need to go get the car from Amy's too."
"Me, dad, and Emette already took care of all that, so don't worry. Your phone is on your dresser-"
"Oh, great! Why didn't you say something sooner?"
My brother interrupted me just as I was about to get up and grab my phone.
"Avery, wait a minute. I have something to tell you, can we just talk first before you get up? I told mom I would handle it since I was the one to pick you up, but there are some things you need to know."
"This serious mode does not suit you at all… Can't you just go back to being the immature and self-conceited playboy that I know and love?"
C'mon man, take a hint for crying out loud. I have other important matters to tend to right now.
"Sigh, just shut up and listen to me for once in your life. This is serious."
He's never spoken to me like that before. I was shocked and decided that I would just listen to what he had to say. There didn't seem to be a point in arguing my way out of whatever conversation he feels the need to have with me, and it isn't a hill that I want to die on.
"Fine, just spit it out already."
"You've been… Well, I guess the best way to describe it is in and out of consciousness ever since I brought you back home. That was… Four days ago."
What?
I sat in silence, trying my best to take in everything my brother had to tell me. We got back home around 2am Friday morning, and it was currently 1pm on Tuesday. Apparently I was more inconsolable than I remember, and any time someone tried to touch me I would start freaking out even more. I was running a fever, which everyone presumed to be because of my heat. Emette managed to get me to swallow some of my inhibitors, but they didn't help at all.
As my fever grew they decided to take me to the hospital, where they gave me a mild sedative and some medication for the fever. Since I already had inhibitors in my system they didn't want to give me more, especially since the ones I took were already a stronger dose prescribed to me from my doctor. They told my parents that it was just a rather strong heat cycle and since I always took meds to manage it my body didn't know how to handle it.
After my fever went down I was discharged and brought back home, but since medication wasn't an option to manage my heat I had to suffer through it. I never woke up to the point of being conscious or aware of my surroundings. Mom would run a bath for me, and Micah would carry me to it. I was sweating so much that sometimes they would have to do this three or four times a day, and they barely managed to get any water and broth in my system.
"Are you serious right now? I don't feel like I've just spent the last four days in heat. Besides, I am wearing the same shirt that you brought me home in. If that was really the case, wouldn't my clothes be different?"
"That's, well. You seemed to start panicking every time we took it off you, so at first we would change your clothes and then just set the shirt next to you. But you kept trying to surround yourself with the shirt and you wouldn't start to relax until we put it back on you."
I guess this at least explains why his pheromones on the shirt are almost non-existent. I've been wearing it for four days, of course the scent is going to fade.
"Speaking of which, make sure to give me the shirt after you're done changing. He told me not to worry about it, but I promised him I would give it back."
Now that I think about it… How did Micah know where to find me that night? And give it back? Does he… Know this alpha?
"Wait, give it back? Are you telling me you know the person who this shirt belongs to? Who is it! Please Micah, you have to tell me. I need to know who he is!"
"That's… Well, the thing is. Sigh, yes I know who that shirt belongs to. But Avery, he made me promise that I wouldn't give you his information. I can tell you this much, his name is Kai. He told me 'It's better this way', but he wouldn't really say anything else."
My chest felt tight, and it hurt to breathe. I suddenly remembered the last thing he said to me as I was being carried out of his apartment, "This wasn't meant to happen to begin with, nothing good will come from you staying here."
"…Get out."
It took every ounce of strength I had to stop myself from breaking down in front of my brother.
"What?"
"I said get out, dammit. I don't want you here! Thanks for looking out for me I guess, but I can take care of myself."
"I don't understand what I did wrong, just talk to me, please."
"I'M AN ADULT DAMMIT! I'm not some weak little kid. You helped me when I never asked for it" I need to calm down, what the hell am I saying? "and you don't help me when I fucking ask you to! Why? Because of some stupid promise?!" Stop Avery, Micah's done nothing wrong. "Or is it because I'm just a weak little omega? You think you know better because you're an alpha?" I don't mean it, so why am I saying this to him? Why am I lashing out at him?
"You know that I never have thought that, not once. I don't know what's going on, but you can talk to me."
"Just leave. I have somewhere to be anyway. Sorry, but I need to be alone before I say anything else I might regret."
"Where-"
I didn't give him time to respond before I got up and walked to my bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it, then slid down until I was sitting on the floor. I buried my head into my knees and began sobbing, it was the only thing I could do to manage this overwhelming sadness.
After some time passed I decided to just take a quick shower. I needed somewhere to go after making a point to say I had plans, and it needed to be somewhere that my family couldn't bother me. I wasn't able to give Amy an answer about helping with her art program on Tuesdays and Thursdays, not that I had any time to think about it anyway. I was supposed to give her an answer by Sunday evening, but today happens to be Tuesday and it's a good excuse, right?
Hopefully she will forgive me for ghosting her and let me help out today despite the short notice, I could really use the distraction.