"Are you fucking serious?" I cried at my boyfriend as he sat casually on our sofa.
He sighed as if he was bored, which caused my anger to spike as I glared down at him.
"I told you, it meant nothing. I had sex with her so that I could secure her father's contracts. Think about it Eli, if I marry that clueless bitch then we'll be rich beyond our beliefs and I could buy you a lavish villa up in those mountains you love so much. It's a win-win for both of us."
I stared at him like he'd grown two heads whilst Noah looked as if he was a genius. How could my boyfriend of five years think I would be happy being the dirty little gay secret hidden away in a villa?
This shouldn't have come as a surprise really. If I was being honest, I had expected something to happen, maybe not quite as ridiculous, but something.
We'd met at a local gay bar where I worked part-time. He'd flirted and I'd been charmed. We dated for a year before we decided to live together. That was when all the warning signs started.
Before that, I'd known he was busy so I'd never bothered him when he was working. We'd meet up often enough anyway so it wasn't an issue. Then when I moved in, he insisted I had to tell people we were just roommates, especially when his work buddies came over.
I was never allowed to go to his work or call him. At first, I put up with it because I believed he loved me and that he wasn't ready to be out yet.
"Are you fucking high?" I asked, genuinely wanting to know.
"Eli! You really need to calm down and think about this rationally," he chastised.
His tone was condescending like fuck and I wanted to slap him. Noah did that a lot when we argued. He acted like I wasn't smart enough to understand and expected me to just follow along or take his word for it.
"Rationally? You want me to think about it, rationally? Which part? The part where my boyfriend of five years cheated on me with a woman or the part where he tells me that he is going to marry her for her money and then he will hide me away like a dirty little secret for him to play with whenever he wants to fuck a guy!"
Noah glared at me with that look again.
"You wouldn't be a dirty little secret. Stop being dramatic!"
"Wouldn't I? Aren't I already? No one you know or work with knows about me. I'm not even allowed to call or message you when you are at work and if anyone comes over, I'm just your "roommate", remember."
My fists clenched at my sides as I fought the urge to punch him.
"You know image is important for my job. I can't help that being gay would make me a pariah at work. This is the only way to get everything we want. It's a good plan."
"Everything we want? What do we want Noah? Money, status, since when was that what I wanted? That's what you want, it's always been about what YOU want. You want to be seen as straight, to have a wife and kids and you think I want to be hidden away, like a paramour, to be used by you. If you really think I want that then you don't know me at all."
I stormed off into the bedroom, grabbed my suitcase and started to fill it. Noah walked in as I was fastening it closed. He sighed as if he was feeling annoyed.
"What are you doing?" he asked in a bored tone that pissed me off.
"Fucking river dancing! What does it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving."
"Oh really! You're leaving, are you?" He scoffed. "Where you gonna go, Eli? You've got nowhere to go! Just sleep on it and you can think rationally about it in the morning."
"You mean do as I'm told and go to sleep, then in the morning, shut up and do what you want," I told him.
The look on his face screamed 'Well yeah!'
I heaved the heavy case and headed for the front door. He called after me and I stopped just as I reached it.
"Eli, come on! Stop acting like a child and think about this," he suggested.
"I'm acting like a child?" I scoffed. "Well, maybe I am, but I can't ignore the fact that the guy I love has not only cheated on me but he won't admit to anyone, not even to himself that he loves me back. I've had enough Noah! I've tried to be patient, I've tried to give you the space you needed but I realise now it was never going to happen."
A single tear ran down my cheek as I turned back to the door.
"I can't take it anymore. We're done. Go marry that woman, get the money you think will make you happy. I honestly don't care anymore … Goodbye!"
I didn't give him the chance to respond, I knew if I did then he might talk me into staying. The apartment door slammed shut behind me and I didn't hear it open as I made my way down the hall, not that I expected it to.
Noah was probably relieved to have me gone. Now he doesn't have to hide around his pompous friends anymore.
When I made it to the street, I looked around. I really had no clue what to do. He was right about one thing, I really had nowhere to go. I had a few savings but only enough to last me a few weeks or so. The big city of Baltimore looked foreboding as I wandered the streets.
Thanks to Noah, I'd lost contact with all of my friends and I doubt they would be able to help me. They might for a day or so but I needed something long-term.
I could get a better job but where could I stay? Just then, a huge Greyhound bus heading for Montana raced past me and an idea hit me.
I grew up in a small town in Montana and Ma had been bugging me about coming back home for a visit. I could go home for a while. I'd have a place to stay and time to figure out my next move.
Without a second thought, I headed towards the bus station and jumped onto the next bus for Montana. It would take around thirty hours give or take but I didn't mind. It would give me time to figure out what I was going to tell Ma.
---
Over thirty hours later, my back and legs ached as I stepped off the bus and into the crisp morning air of Maplewood Montana, my home town. Growing up here had been difficult, especially when I realised I was gay. The people back then had not been so welcoming to the LGBTQ+ community and I doubt that had changed much.
Small towns were notorious for still being several steps behind the rest of the world. However, I wasn't planning on staying here too long so I doubted the old-fashioned people here would be an issue.
I stood staring at the quiet streets, wondering how I could get home when a cop car drove past before suddenly braking and reversing. It pulled into the empty car park and stopped right in front of me.
Inwardly, I groaned. Seemed like I was going to start with a problem. The driver-side door opened and I gasped as a man I hadn't seen in years stepped out.
"Well, I'll be!" he drawled. "If it isn't my wayward little brother come back home to roost."
"Well if it isn't Officer Blake Ramirez, aka my stupid older brother turned police officer," I quipped back and laughed as I jumped and wrapped my arms around him.
I'd forgotten he'd become a cop. His big arms wrapped around me and I instantly felt safe, just like I had as a child.
"Welcome home little bro," he greeted as he stepped back. "Does Ma and Pa know?"
I shook my head and his face beamed. He picked up my case and told me to get in. We drove in silence as a wave of nostalgia hit me. Everything looked like it hadn't changed one bit.
The stores down Main Street all looked like they hadn't changed their fronts since I left. The people starting to fill the street, though looking a little older, still looked just as I remembered before I left.
"Nothing's changed," I mused.
"Well, that's where you're wrong my little bro. A lot of the stores have changed owners and we even have a decent coffee house now. The cinema gets more up-to-date movies and we have a lot of tourists coming to visit on account of the small holiday villas they built in the woods. Camping in style I think is the tagline."
I laughed as he pointed out more things that had changed. He was right, as I peered closer, things were different. Though on the whole, it was the same and that felt comforting.
"What's with the surprise visit?" he asked, curiosity finally getting the better of him.
"Why? Aren't you happy to see me?" I teased.
"Of course I am, it's been, what, ten years since you left? And in all that time you've maybe been back twice, maybe three times. I've missed you, we all have, but I'm just curious. Normally, you call ahead."
I sighed as I slumped my head back on the seat.
"It's a long story," I told him.
"Give me the highlights," he suggested.
"Boyfriend cheated on me and expected me to be ok with it."
"Dang! What a dick!" he growled and I laughed.
"Yeah, I just needed to get away and figure out what I'm gonna do next. I thought I would kill two birds with one stone. Come home to see everyone and figure shit out."
Blake nodded and patted my knee before turning down a long driveway. My family home wasn't quite on the outskirts but it was close to it. I grew up with the mountains outside my window and I hadn't realised how much I missed them.
"Ma's gonna freak," he laughed as we pulled up to a small house. "Leave your bag, I'll get it later. Let's head in, but stay behind me."
I laughed as he led the way inside. As soon as the door opened I was hit with that all-familiar smell of home-cooked food and lavender. Ma was in the kitchen, sitting at the table with Pa.
"Morning Ma, Pa." Blake greeted. "I've got a surprise for you. Look what I picked up this morning just fresh off the wagon trail."
They both looked up just as Blake stepped aside to reveal me. As predicted, Ma instantly started to scream and freak out as she excitedly raced around the table. She grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. Pa was quieter but equally as excited.
"Eli! I can't believe you're here!" she screamed.
"It's good to see you too," I beamed.
"He's here to stay for a while," Blake added as they finally released me.
This caused Ma to grab me again crying happily. I glared at Blake who laughed as he shrugged and left before coming back with my bag.
Eventually, I excused myself to my old room, feigning being tired from the long journey. It wasn't a complete lie but I needed a bit of space. I was surprised to find my room had changed slightly. Mainly, my bed had gotten larger.
Blake explained that Duke, our other brother, had broken it when he tried to shack up with a girl he had staying over. Ma had only agreed if she slept in my room. Blake said Pa made sure Duke bought me a new bed since it was his fault.
I laughed and collapsed onto it. The minute my head hit that pillow I was gone, I guess I was that tired after all.