Cameron had been gone for a few hours and I still had no idea what I was doing. When I'd left town, all those years ago, I had everything planned out. I was going to become a world-class photographer.
The only way I survived being in this town back then was when I would walk through the forests that encompass the town and lose myself in it for hours taking pictures. In college, I'd won a few competitions, and even passed with distinction but I had to put that on hold when I met Noah.
He hated the fact I spent so much time away taking photos or as he put it, messing about. I realised now, I sacrificed everything for him and he gave up nothing for me.
When I moved in with him, there was a spare room we could have made into a darkroom. He had pretended to agree, and then, while I was away one weekend, he decided to turn it into a man cave. Filled to the brim with all the toys that boys who call themselves men think they need.
Obviously, I had been pissed and ranted at him. He'd just shrugged and said since he was the one paying rent he could decide what he did with the space. I couldn't argue with that.
He made me feel like shit for being upset with him, especially when the room was for us both to use. Though, I never once used that room unless he dragged me in it to fuck me over the pool table.
As I sat there I wondered if it was too late to make a living out of my photos. I sent a few emails to some old teachers of mine who had reached out a few times over the years. I'd always felt guilty when I read their messages. They were always hopeful I would start again.
I knew I needed to get a part-time job to pay for a new camera. Noah smashed the one my parents got me for getting into university in an argument. He promised me he would get me a new one but, of course, it never happened.
Once I finished the emails, I got up and decided to explore Cam's apartment. I wasn't going to go rooting but I could look around a little.
It wasn't a big space, there was a main area which housed the kitchen, dining room and living space all in one. It was decorated with a lot of monotone colours and a few memories. He had some pictures of Matthew and a young girl I was assuming was his sister, but that was it.
Down a small hallway were three rooms. One housed his room which had more monotone colours but like the main room, it was homely and had a lived-in feel. Another door led to the bathroom which looked new and I remembered he said he was re-decorating.
The last door was the spare room and everything was piled up in the middle with a large sheet covering it. I could see he was in the process of painting the walls but only one had been done. The paint cans and brushes were on the floor near a ladder.
I decided to make myself useful and picked up a brush. Living with Noah I was never allowed to decorate or change anything. I could only hope that Cameron didn't mind.
---
When he finally did come home, I was finished with the painting and was sitting on the sofa reading one of his books. He walked in and paused.
"Why can I smell paint?" he asked.
"Oh well, I saw that you were painting the walls in the spare room. I emailed some old tutors and whilst I waited for a response I thought I would keep busy. I hope that's ok?" I asked timidly.
"Are you kidding?" he asked before rushing down the hallway.
I was nibbling on my lip when he came back with a big smile. A wave of relief started to rise in me, a smile was a good thing, wasn't it?
"Is it ok?"
"It's perfect!" he cried, pulling me up into a hug. "I've always hated painting, I've been putting it off."
I laughed as I hugged him back.
"Good, I was worried that you'd be mad like I overstepped or something. Noah never let me decorate his place simply because he paid for it. I think that's why he insisted on paying."
"Well I'm not that dick so don't ever think I'll react like him," he growled.
I lifted my head to see anger in his eyes. A smile formed on my face and I couldn't resist the urge to kiss him. It was only a light peck but it stilled the flames in his eyes.
"Are you any good at organising a room?" he asked.
"Yeah, I am actually," I told him with a smile.
"Good, I'll leave that room to you then, I am hopeless with all that. Matthew would scold me if I tried to move anything, he would say I have zero sense of what works in a room."
I laughed and could imagine Cameron getting shooed away. He eventually put me down and headed towards the kitchen.
"Well, since you've done the labour I guess I should pay you with food," he laughed.
I nodded hungrily. His food was amazing, the best I'd ever had. Every bite was like an aphrodisiac for the stomach. I also liked watching him cook, he was built like a giant but moved so gracefully.
"So you said you emailed some tutors, are you going back to school?" he asked.
"Oh no, nothing like that," I started as I headed for the table. "I emailed them about starting back up with my photography again, you know, to see if they had any ideas. I stopped doing it because of you know who, but they emailed me over the years trying to convince me to continue."
"You're a photographer?"
"Yeah, well not professionally but I would like to be. I did win a few competitions in school. That's why my tutors kept contacting me, they said they didn't want my talent to go to waste."
"That's amazing!" he smiled.
"Yeah, maybe," I sighed.
"Why maybe?"
"Well, it's been such a long time. I may have missed my chance, plus I need to buy a decent camera. Noah smashed the one my parents got me. I also need to find a place where I can develop my photos, plus buy all the equipment I would need for it."
"I'd be more than happy to help," he offered sweetly.
"No thank you, it's sweet of you to offer but I need to do this or it'll be just like with Noah. He often liked to say I couldn't do anything on my own, without him at least."
Cam sighed but nodded. He seemed like he understood.
"Well, since you've decided on this you should talk to your parents. You may not want help from someone you've just met but you can't turn down help from family, right?"
With a sigh, I nodded and smiled, I knew he was right. Once dinner was finished I helped him clean up and then said my goodbyes. As much as we both wanted me to stay, I knew I should get home.
Ma and Pa were in the living room when I walked in. Pa was watching the TV whilst Ma was reading a book. Ma smiled as she looked up at me.
"Hello Luv, have you eaten?" she asked like the caring Ma she always was.
"Yeah, I have," I told her. "Do you guys have a sec, I want to talk to you?"
Instantly, Pa turned off the TV and swivelled in his lounger to face me. Ma put down her book and patted the space next to her. Nervously, I took the offered space and grabbed a pillow to fiddle with.
"I know you guys have been wondering about why I came home," I started and Ma took my hand.
"We were waiting until you were ready to tell us," she smiled.
"I know," I smiled back. "Well, Noah, my boyfriend, well ex now, he cheated on me. I never should have moved in with him. None of his friends or work colleagues knew about us. His friends knew me as his roommate and his colleagues didn't know me at all, to them he lived alone and was single. All because he could never admit to anyone what we were."
A stray tear of resentment slid down my cheek as I spoke.
"Anyway, I caught him in bed with a woman, some rich business guy's daughter. He expected me to be fine with it. Noah said he would marry this woman, get rich and buy me a house to live in somewhere like a dirty secret for him to play with when he wanted to fuck a guy."
I blushed as I realised I'd just sworn in front of my parents but they didn't seem phased so I carried on.
"Anyway, I told him we were done and I left. So, I decided to come home. I needed somewhere I could figure things out, like what I wanted to do with my life. I'd given up so much for him. When we got together, he would complain about me going away for hours or days at a time to take my pictures, he actually sulked."
My stomach was in knots as I was about to confess I had lost their gift.
"Then when I moved in, he wouldn't create space for me to develop my pictures so I just, sort of, stopped. One day, after an argument, Noah …" my throat locked.
"Just tell us, son," Pa said matter-of-factly.
"Well, he smashed the camera you guys got me. He promised to replace it but obviously, that didn't happen. I'm so sorry, I know it wasn't cheap and I should have looked after it better."
"Oh Eli, it wasn't your fault," Ma reassured me.
She patted my knee and I smiled, the knots in my stomach finally coming free.
"Anyway, since being back I've had some time to think and I have decided to get back into my photography again. I've emailed a few tutors who have tried to reach out over the years to see if it's possible … What do you guys think?"
"I think that's a wonderful idea," Ma gushed.
"That's a brilliant idea son, getting back on your feet and doing what you love is never a bad idea," Pa beamed.
I nodded, feeling the final weight lift off my shoulders.
"Yeah hopefully, there's just a few problems with it."
"Oh?" Ma frowned. "What's that?"
"Well, I have no camera and no equipment to print the pictures the way I want. Originally, I would develop my pictures using a darkroom, but I don't know if I want to go down that route again, it was always a bit tedious to me," I explained.
"Oh, that is a problem," she agreed.
"Anyway, I'm going to look around for a part-time job. Is it ok if I stay here? That way I don't have to worry about paying a large sum for rent too," I asked.
Ma smiled and patted my shoulder.
"Of course you can, honey."
"What is it that you need to make the pictures again?" Pa asked.
"Well, if I do it the way before I need a darkroom, as well as the equipment and chemicals to develop the pictures. If I go digital, I need a space to turn into a sort of studio, as well as a computer with some decent software and a large-scale printer."
Pa nodded and scratched his chin. It made me smile. It was such a Pa thing to do, whenever he needed to think he would scratch his chin.
"What about that old shed of mine?" he asked.
"What about it?" I asked.
"Use it as your studio or whatever it's called. I'm sure your brother will help you clear it out and it's big enough to put whatever you want in there," he explained happily. "I don't use it now."
"Really?" I asked and he nodded. "Thanks, Pa! … but I would still need to buy the equipment."
"Is it expensive?" Ma asked.
"Yeah, one way is slightly cheaper than the other but it's also time-consuming. None of that would matter though, don't forget I'll need a new camera."
I sighed as I thought of the long list of things I would need and how much it would add up to. Maybe I should have taken Cam up on his offer to help.
'No!' I thought to myself. 'If I do that then I might as well go back to Noah.'
"We might be able to help with that," Ma smiled but I stopped her.
"No Ma! I know you mean well but I won't use your savings. It's too much and wouldn't leave you with anything. Plus I wouldn't be able to guarantee that I'd be able to give you it back," I insisted.
"That's sweet of you dear but we didn't mean that," she smiled. "Your grandfather left all three of you some money in his will. Blake and Duke already got theirs. He made us promise to only give it to you when you got married. Blake had to wait until he graduated since he was never interested in it, Duke had to wait until he completed his first tour since he always said he would be a soldier."
"That's nice and all but if it's in the will that I have to be married to get it, they won't release it will they?" I asked.
"It was a verbal agreement. In the will, it just said that the money is to be divided between the three grandsons as arranged with his daughter and son-in-law. The lawyer doesn't know the specifics," Pa added.
"Really?" I asked, feeling a spark of hope start to flutter.
"Yeah, though we kept to his instructions with Blake and Duke I doubt he would mind in this situation. Especially if he knew you were getting back on your feet after your ex hurt you. He always had a soft spot for you," Ma beamed.
A small pang of loss swept through me as I remembered my sweet Papa, he would always light up when I called him that. He was always my biggest supporter and the first one I came out to. God, I missed him!
"Are you sure he would be ok with this?" I asked hopefully.
"Of course! He loved you so much and would want to help you succeed. I don't know if it's enough for everything you need but it should get you your main stuff."