Lilly's POV
I laid in the bed for a few more minutes after he had walked out trying to catch my breath. I rolled over and yelled into the pillow to let out some of the frustration. I peeled myself away from the bed and went into the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom. I cleaned myself up, washing my hands and splashing water on my face to cool myself down. After looking in the mirror I can see why he wouldn't want to have sex with me, my face looked red and blotchy like Id just run 5 miles without stopping. I fixed my hair and straightened my clothes but had to take my panties off because they were too wet to wear. I left my shoes off and walked down the stairs to find Leo standing near the bottom step waiting for me. I was on the last step when he snaked his arm around me lifting me off of the step to his side, I held in a whimper of pain from him squeezing around my ribs because I secretly loved the way he would just pick me up like I was as light as a feather. He took my hand and lead me into the dining hall with the massive table at full capacity, there was at least 35 people sitting at the table squeezed in tight waiting for us to arrive. Looking around I could see that there was only a few people I hadn't met during the day. I felt a little more relaxed after seeing the smiling faces who I had greeted this morning, the pack was pleasant and kind. Leo lead me all the way to the head of the table where he would sit, he pulled out the chair to the right of it and scooted me in, he sat down and held my hand as people came in with plates of food setting them down in front of us. Everyone sat and stared toward Leo and I. Leo took one bite and then looked to me, gesturing to my plate to take a bite, I followed his lead and then everyone leaned forward and started to eat. I realized why afterwards and wasn't sure how to feel about someone not eating until I did.
Everyone started to converse with one another and there was laughter and smiles throughout the table which unexpectedly filled me with joy. Not that I wouldn't normally feel happy seeing someone smile and enjoying themselves, but this was different, it wasn't a superficial feeling of happiness like watching that old man who always fed the birds near my house, he would giggle for at least an hour on that bench watching them hop around and take bread from his hand, this was deeper, no different then watching my own family on game night when my brother would make funny faces so my mother wouldn't be able to read his hand or how my dad would pinch my mothers butt and make her squeal as she tried to cook dinner. A feeling of joy that could only come watching the people I most cared about.
I took Leo's hand without even meaning to while I stared at this group of people I had just met but already cared about, I turned to look at him and he gave me a look that I'd not seen on him before and I had to ask: What is it? He looked at me blinking a few times to keep the dust out and said: I couldn't be more proud to have you as my Luna. I just smiled back and continued to watch the table, meeting the people I hadn't and conversing with the ones I had.
After dinner we went back to his room, I sat at the edge of the bed with my feet dangling as I watched him. He had been in the same clothes for 2 days so he started to change his clothes, he started unbuttoning his shirt, I felt my face flush and started rambling to get my mind off his abs: So maybe I should stay with you tonight since you stayed with me last night? He looked at me and smiled before saying: Really? You would want to stay here? I just shook my head before he continued: I might know a few girls about your size, they probably would have some clothes for you to borrow. I shook my head again but the truth was I had already brought some jeans in my purse for tomorrow.
He took his pants down and stood, staring at me in just his boxers. I wanted to touch him, I wanted his skin against my naked body but I just couldn't bring myself to say it the thought of it made my brain and body frantic and instead of just telling him how I felt I blurted out: So when do we need to have sex?
His jaw dropped and he was speechless staring at me like a deer in headlights and I felt my face become redder. My eyes dropped and I just re-upped the stupid comment by adding to it: Well I know the Counsel will come after me if we don't… don't… ya know, have sex.
I managed to drag my eyes back up to him but now he was smiling fiercely Oh god he knows exactly why I said that, fuck! I continued to hold his gaze while feeling completely self conscious but it was too late now, he knew what I wanted but he just nonchalantly said: Oh no, you meeting people today took care of that, we have a while before they have an issue with us again.
I felt my heart sank, I felt like he didn't want me maybe being his mate meant he had no choice in loving me but maybe he wasn't attracted to me the way I was to him. I must have been pretty expressive because he acted like he had read my mind. He came up and got on his knees right in front of me, pulling my head to his so that I was looking directly into his eyes as he spoke: Lilly, I am attracted to you and you do turn me on more then you know. Your body and your scent drives me and my wolf wild with desire but…
Ugh BUT?… But what? He paused longer then I would have like making me feel sick with worry over what he would say next when he finally continued: But… When I make love to you it will not be transactional, I will not fuck you to please someone else and I need to make sure you want it and that you want it with me, your going to have to tell me what you want. Lilly, what do you want?
That was almost worst then him rejecting me. I had to tell him what I wanted, I could barely admit to myself what I want let alone him. I looked in his eyes, his eyes full of longing and I wanted to scream I want you, I want you inside of me, making love to me everyday for the rest of my life But all that came out was: I want… I… I want to go to bed, I am exhausted. I saw a flash of disappointment run through his eyes and I felt guilty, I did want to tell him but at the same time I just wasn't there yet.