Today's lunch was cod roe spaghetti. Every dish my sister made was delicious. It was always perfect, like something from a restaurant. We washed the dishes together and finished quickly.
"Shall we continue from where we left off? I think I was up to the third life."
"Yeah. But if it's too hard to talk about, you don't have to. It must be painful to remember."
"Hmm? Not at all. In fact, I don't usually get a chance to reflect on the past like this, so it's actually good timing."
"Oh, okay then."
I didn't mean to bring it up lightly, but it seemed like my sister had lived a tough life. Still, she didn't seem to mind, so maybe it was okay.
"In the fourth life, I realized that attending a different school was a mistake, so I decided to go to the same school as you. You see, in the previous life, after you failed the middle school entrance exam, you died almost immediately. I thought the problem might be with the school itself. I figured it would be easier to keep an eye on you if we went to the same school. I honestly didn't expect you to pass the exam. Well, the school I attended had no particular issues, so I thought everything would be fine."
So that's why my sister failed that time. Of course, she wouldn't fail under normal circumstances.
"When I failed, Dad yelled at me, but I never suspected that was the cause. I was so focused on the idea that the problem was at school. But eventually, I found no real issue at school, and you ended up dying anyway. It was a complete disaster. Oh, and that's when I got close to Mai Shibu, too."
"You got close to Mai-san?"
"Yes, that's right. From the way she acted, it seemed like she might be connected to you, so I wanted to find out more. I even visited her house, but it turned out she was just a genuinely nice person."
"Of course, Mai-san is really kind."
I had no idea that my sister had become friends with Mai-san. And she had even visited her house before I did. Back then—or rather, even then—I was so focused on meeting expectations that I didn't pay attention to anything around me.
"Well, anyway. After you died, I finally realized that the problem was actually our parents. After that, a lot happened between them and me, and eventually, I died."
"I see..."
"In the fifth life, even though I passed the entrance exam, you failed, so we still couldn't go to the same school. But you seemed to be enjoying yourself more this time, playing with friends, and I was relieved. When you ran away from home, I panicked, but when I found out you were at the Shibus', I was glad. I thought it was a good thing you were away from our parents, but why did you leave that house?"
"—At that time, I thought it would be too hard to stay there. And also..."
Staying with them for too long made me feel overwhelmed, like I couldn't handle it. So, I sought something that would make me feel like I belonged. Though in the end, my sister stopped me.
"And also what? Did they do something terrible to you?"
"No, it wasn't that. By the way, why were you there?"
"Huh? ...I just happened to be passing by and saw you there. But why did you go back after I died? Why didn't you just move on?"
My sister seemed a little flustered. But why did I commit suicide again? ...Maybe because I realized that nothing would change whether my sister was there or not. But I couldn't say that out loud.
"...Maybe because I didn't want you to be gone, Nee-chan."
"I see. Well, that's pretty much how it went. I guess that's everything."
Listening to her, I realized how little I knew about my sister. I hadn't really tried to understand her at all.
"Thanks for sharing. I'm glad I got to hear all these things I didn't know before."
"I'm glad too. But from now on, we'll be together all the time, so there won't be anything left to hide."
"Yeah. —But why did our parents commit suicide? This never happened before."
I never even noticed that they were thinking about something like that. If I had, ...what would I have done?
"...Who knows? But thinking about it won't change anything. Let's just focus on the future and forget about the past."
"...You think so?"
"I do."
And so, another day passed without me doing anything.