Now that I had decided, I needed to die. But would my sister allow it? The last time I tried to end my life, she stopped me. She likely wouldn't let me do it again. And since she caught me sneaking out after she had fallen asleep, I needed to think carefully about how to die this time.
"Do you want to go back to school?" she asked.
"Yes. I feel uneasy if I don't do something. Please?"
After thinking it over, I decided that going to school and then heading to the bridge would be my best plan. This way, I could be alone naturally, and my sister might let her guard down.
"You don't need to go back to school. Even if you don't do anything, you can live a comfortable life, Kaya."
"But I want to go. I've missed so much already. I don't want to fall too far behind, and I need to do something."
I needed to act quickly, before I lost my resolve.
"Well... Can you at least wait one more week? That should give me enough time to finish the transfer procedures."
But that wouldn't work. I needed to be away from my sister. What excuse could I give?
"If I wait any longer, I'll fall even more behind. It's been a whole month. Don't you trust me? Do you think it's dangerous to leave me alone?"
In reality, I was planning to die, so my sister was right to worry. But I had a feeling that if I said this, she might let me go.
"...I guess we can't stay like this forever. Alright, you can go tomorrow. But don't forget your charm."
"Yes, thank you, sis."
This was probably my only chance. I needed to finish this before my sister transferred to my school. Oh, I should write a note. If I die suddenly, it might shock her. I want her to be happy, even after I'm gone. That's my honest wish. But I also want Mom and Dad to be there with her.
Alright, that should do it. It's been a while since I last wrote a note. After all, I used to think that as soon as I died, a new life would begin, so I stopped writing notes. I wonder what my sister will think when I'm gone. I hope she finds happiness in this life and in the next.
After getting ready for bed, I lay down with my sister as usual. But tonight, she spoke to me, which was unusual.
"Hana, you really don't have to go. I've made sure that you won't have to suffer again. You don't need to do anything; just being alive is enough. I'll take care of everything."
"Thank you. But I need to go."
"Okay. But promise me you won't go anywhere else. Just school and back."
With that, she hugged me. I don't think she's ever hugged me this much in any of our other lives. I always thought she didn't care that much about me, and I distanced myself from her, so this closeness was new.
My sister probably loves me. I can feel it in so many ways. She's telling me this because she cares. ...But Mom and Dad must have loved me too, at first. So, who's to say my sister won't abandon me one day? If that's the case, I should let go first, before she has a chance to leave me. That way, nothing will hurt anymore.
And so, I welcomed what I knew would be my final morning. Although I wasn't allowed to get up before my sister, I had never woken up before her anyway. Every day, she was always awake before me, waiting for me to rise. Today was no different. As I stirred, she was already up, and we got out of bed together.
"Alright, Hana, take care. Don't take any detours, and be careful on the way. And remember—"
"Yes, yes, I know."
After finishing my morning routine, I headed to school. I had already forgotten today's schedule, but it didn't matter anymore. I considered heading straight to the bridge but decided against it. I suspected that the charm I had been given was some kind of tracker. I never thought of my sister as someone who would rely on spiritual things. The fact that she insisted I wear this charm must mean it has a purpose. If it really was a tracker, it would explain why she found me so quickly last time. If I head to the bridge now, she might catch up with me again. So first, I'll go to school.
At school, I received various assignments to make up for the time I had missed. Given the circumstances, no one was angry about my absence. When I returned to class, Mai-san, who I wasn't very close with this time, still expressed concern. She really is kind to everyone. I sat through a few classes, then found a good moment to ask to leave early. I told the teacher that I would go straight home, asking them not to call my house. I left my charm in my desk, so it should be fine.
As I walked to the bridge, I saw a child begging their mother for a toy. At first, the mother refused, but eventually, she gave in and promised to buy it. The child was overjoyed, shouting, "I love you, Mom!" as they skipped along. Even if I go back, we'll probably never have that kind of relationship, but we're still a family. A family nonetheless.
When I reached the bridge, it felt different. I always came here at night, so maybe this was my first time seeing it during the day. It was a weekday, so there were many cars, but few people around. I needed to hurry before I changed my mind.
Just as I was about to jump, I heard my sister's voice: "Kaya!" She realized so quickly; that's just like her. But I was a step ahead. She couldn't stop me now.
"I'm sorry, sis. I wrote it in the note, but I hope you'll find happiness."
"Don't go, Kaya!"
Her outstretched hand couldn't reach me. Once again, I was falling. Ah, this time the light is so bright that I can't see anything. I wonder what kind of expression she's making. She might be sad, but I hope she finds happiness. That was my last thought as I lost consciousness.