Chapter 20 - Chapter 20: Three Little Words

TW: Language, Depression.On his way into charms class, he could see Higgs already in his seat, darkness painted his under eyes from lack of sleep, or possibly something more tragic, like tears. Damien felt his stomach twist in knots as the words I love you, were repeated in Higgs voice. Not to mention the lack thereof that he heard from Malfoy that same night. He didn't know who to feel worse for. Higgs, or himself. But Draco had come a long way, he was confidently sitting next to him, he wasn't afraid enough to hide him from the world anymore and in his eyes, that was enough. For now. He tried to take his attention off of Higgs and he watched his lecture intently as Draco possessively gripped and rubbed his thigh under the table. Demian just looked down at his book, blushing but still actively trying to concentrate. Professor Valor broke the silence, "Mr. Malfoy what about you, what do you think?" He said. Draco scoffed, "What do I think about what?" He said. The Professor wavered for a moment and Malfoy spoke again, "Well, Professor?" He said in a snarky tone. Professor Valor just smiled, tapping his wand in front of Malfoy until his book opened to the correct page. "If you were following along, like you were supposed to, you would have known what I was asking you." He said. "Okay so just ask me now? How about that?" "I think I'll ask Valentino here, instead." Demian was listening, however distracting Dracos fingers were he was still able to confidently read the pages. Draco never found the need to follow along, he believed he was of superior knowledge to almost everyone, after all. "You were discussing the silencing charm, and how dangerous it was." "And why is it dangerous?" He inquired. "Because if performed wrong it would cause the target to swell substantially and make terrible ear-piercing sounds." He responded. "Correct again." he smiled, "10 more points to Ravenclaw. And I'm glad that at least one of you is capable of multitasking." He said the last part just quiet enough for the two of them to hear and Malfoys mouth dropped open, "Fucker" He whispered. Embarrassment not a thought to Draco he immediately put his hand back to Demains thigh, scowling at Professor Valor for the rest of the class. As the bell rang for dismissal, Higgs pushed past Malfoy with his shoulder, the first to exit. Demian sighed as Malfoy called out, "Watch where the fuck you're going loser!" Several people laughed on their way out, but Demian felt nothing but emptiness. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*After class Malfoy warned Demian he had received a letter from his father, he was aware that the dark lord would be giving him a mission soon, of grave importance. He would likely be gone for a few days, but he could stay in his room if wanted. Demian considered it, but truthfully, he missed his friends and he hadn't been back to the dorms or seen them in almost 2 days. "I need to see my friends..." He said. "but I appreciate the offer. It's still my birthday you know." Malfoy laughed at this, "Of course, your majesty. How could I forget." Out of habit he looked around, but he quickly corrected himself, cupping Demians chin in one of his large hands and kissing him freely in the hall. "I'll see you later." He said, turning away, but not before gently stroking the shining serpent hanging from Demians neck. He left. Demian walked back to his dorm. Mordred and Peter could be heard inside, laughing loudly at something. He entered. "Hey guys." He said, "Oh hey look who the fuck it is, we thought you got murdered at the party. This one almost sent out a missing persons report but since you showed up to class, I managed to talk him out of it." Demian felt bad, he felt like he was ditching them unintentionally. "I'm sorry." "Ah come on fucker we're just messing with you." Peter said. "Happy birthday." "Yeah Happy Birthday man, we would have said something last night but obviously you had big plans." Modred responded. "Bigger plans than hanging with your best mates apparently." "Yeah you wound us, Demian, wound us." Peter pretended to stab himself in the heart and Demian rolled his eyes. "So what DID you end up doing?" Mordred said. "Hold on, first, I have to know, did you fuck her?" Demian said, looking directly at Peter."Funny story that one", he said. He looked rather embarrassed, "Let's just say I drank too much of the fiery fruit juice they were serving and I passed out mid stroke, not proud of that. And also Penny is pretty mad."Demian couldn't contain his laughter and Mordred joined in even though he was sure he already heard the tale. Peter flipped them both off. "Fuck you guys." "At least you're technically not a virgin anymore." Mordred said. "I guess, but I hardly remember a thing." "Yikes" Demian said, "Thats rough." "Yeah yeah I'm pathetic, so on and so forth, now tell me your night was terrible so I can feel better for myself." He said jokingly."Wish I had worse news for you man, but my weekend was amazing, well...mostly." He recounted the tale as best he could to them, leaving out some of the more intimate details. "But the thing is, he didn't say he loved me back." Demian said. "And it's driving me kind of insane, but then I also feel crazy for thinking that way because it's only been like since the beginning of the school year.""Are you joking? I thought I loved Penny when she smiled at me once in the Great Hall." Peter said. Demian just laughed. "You are kind of pathetic bro." "Again, fuck you guys." He said. "Hey what did I do?!" Mordred exclaimed. They laughed together. Demian made his way to his desk, a few scattered enveloped were sitting on them, an expected package from his parents filled with sweet treats for his birthday and a note. "Darling Demian, We love and miss you so much. We've sent you some money to use one whatever teenage desires you might have your eye on. Your father couldn't help but bake for you and we hope you enjoy it. Thinking of you always, have the happiest birthday son. Love, Mom and Dad." Demian smiled, opening the box of sweets in front of his friends."Finally." Peter said. "It was torture having to sit in here with them the entire morning, waiting." He reached in and pulled out a pastry, biting into it. Mordred did the same, the three of them ate and talked about their weekends together for the rest of the night. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.Later that evening after they had all went to sleep, Demian lay awake staring out the window. Silas was comforting him by lying on his chest and purring quietly. He heard a soft tap on the glass and peered outside. He was rather high up but he could tell from even afar that it wasn't Draco. He muttered to himself, "Please let this be the time I can end it."He walked down the corridors silently, the end of his wand a guide. He made it to outside the castle, directly where he anticipated his mysterious stranger to be and the cold nipped at his ears. He folded his arms in his sweater to conserve heat and looked around. Before long he noticed a trail of lights in the distance, and he followed them inquisitively. He knew this trail well, the trail to black lake. He began to wonder if it was actually Draco at the other end of the elaborately....romantic trail?Before he knew could see a blanket laid out on a small hill overlooking the lake, small candles surrounded it and he could feel his heart racing from the sheer anticipation. Higgs turned around, almost stunned and fixed his jacket. "Demian I...I wasn't sure you were coming." He said. "What is all this?" Demian responded. "It's for you. I just...I need to tell you something. Please sit down." Demian nodded, he could almost feel the necklace slithering around his neck, stealing his words and his air. He knew it was wrong. He shouldn't be here. But in his heart, he knew that Terrence deserved a chance to speak his truth. And Demian wouldn't dare deny him that chance. He sat down next to him, the waters quietly lapping against the shores. It was peaceful, although rather chilly. The candles were casting shadows all around them, and Demian studied Higgs face closely. A mixture of fear and happiness were plastered amongst his features, the familiar darkness still scattered under his tired eyes. "Demian, I have loved you since the moment you spoke to me. You truly mean everything to me. I know that you have feelings for Draco, he's so many things that I'm not. But he will never treat you as an equal. He will never give you the respect you deserve. He will never cherish you the way someone like you should be cherished and protected. The feelings I have for you have never wavered; I would do anything to be with you. I would do anything to be the person that makes you happy. That cures your sadness. I have chased a so many highs throughout my like but none of them compare to you. Not the thrill of Quidditch, or the peace of smoke, the familiar burn of alcohol, no, your love I crave more than them all."Demian blinked several times and tears began to stream down his face, "Higgs, I-" "I'm not done, please let me finish." Demian remained quiet, watching the calming waves crash upon the sandy shore while he did his best to compose himself as he listened to this confession from the heart, "You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen, even an exact replica couldn't satiate my need and desire for you. I meant it when I said I loved you. That I needed you. I don't think I can do this without you anymore, the moment you kissed me I was addicted to the taste of you. And without it, I've grown mad. In so many ways. I haven't slept in days, I've hardly eaten, you're all I can think of. Please, tell me you feel same, even slightly." He pleaded, a desperate look in his eye. Demian thought back to their many nights together, from the hidden garden to winter break, all the way back to one of the first days of school, in those stalls where he felt that lust for Higgs. How he risked his life to save his, the day Astoria pushed him from the bleachers. His heart raced, and he wiped the tears from his eyes before gathering his thoughts. His voice trembled as he replied, "Terrence, I cherish what we had. You showed me a kindness I never thought I could know in this lifetime. You were one of the first people to truly accept me for me. But-" "I knew this was coming." He said sharply. "But I love Malfoy." The sting of those words left Higgs stunned and he couldn't control the swelling emotions in his mind. He silently cried for a few moments. Demian cried too, he reached over with a comforting palm and tried to touch Higgs hand, but he quickly moved away from it. "Go." He said, coldly. Demian just got up, and with a single wave of his wand all the candles went out. He watched him pick up a small box, tossing it into the black waters lapping at the edge before Terrence hugged his knees and stared out at the same view that had once comforted Demian so many times. The image of black lake now a stain in Higgs memories, the darkness enveloped him and Demian walked back to his dorm, a storm of feelings overcoming his entire being. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*Demian walked slowly, wiping the tears dripping down his face and chin occasionally. He made it back to his bed, where he tried for almost an hour to fall back asleep, to no avail. He decided to go to Malfoys chambers, he needed comfort. Even if he didn't tell him why. He walked up to his door and knocked once, the door was left unlocked surprisingly and he went in. Malfoy was still there, Demian crawled in bed with him as he slept peacefully. He draped one arm across Malfoys waist, taking in his masculine scent before he sobbed silently until he fell asleep once more. The next morning Draco was nowhere to be found. He must have been summoned sometime extremely early this morning. He knew he had responsibilities; however dark they may be. In some sick and twisted way, Demian hoped it would help control his urges. There was a note left on the bedside table, his name scribbled hastily on the front of the folded sheet. "Think of me while I'm gone, I couldn't dare wake you this morning. You looked too peaceful. I'll be back soon,Yours forever, Draco."Demian found some comfort in this, but he couldn't help but worry about whatever evil task he might be committing at any given moment until he returned. He tried to shake those negative thoughts from his mind as he got ready for class today, slipping on his robes over some of Malfoys casual clothes, so he could enjoy that intoxicating scent. It comforted him while he was gone. He walked silently to class, where he saw Higgs sitting in his seat. He stared off into the distance, avoiding any eye contact with Demian for the first time since the beginning of the year. This worried him, but what could Demian truly expect after turning him down last night? Pansy noticed this and smirked at Demian, blowing him a kiss and waving a bit. He sighed audibly and Professor Valor took note of this. Terrence's words raced through his mind throughout the entire class, and he was particularly silent when it came to making any intelligent remarks. At the end of class Higgs was once again the first person out, he sadly watched as he brushed past him without a care, dark circles encompassing his eyes from the lack of sleep and likely, the stress of everything. Demian felt so bad, the guilt of turning him down was eating him alive, especially without the comforting company that Draco was. He could so easily clam him down and reassure him, even during his worst moments. He went to pack up his stuff, one of the last to leave as usual when a book was dropped down on the table in front of him. "For you, Valentino." Demian looked up and saw Professor Valor standing there, his heart skipped a beat, and he avoided eye contact with him. He felt so small in his presence, so young, even though he thought his maturity had always been miles ahead of those around him. He picked up the book and studied the cover, "Poetry Throughout the Ages?" "I thought you might enjoy some reading, as it seems like you have a lot on your mind lately." He said. "I've never really read any poetry before..." He admitted. "There's never a better time to start." Christian replied. Demian smiled a bit and nodded, he put the book in his satchel and looked up at him, he felt his face grow hot and he stammered, "T-thank you." "Don't thank me, It's a rental." He laughed. "So, make sure you bring it back to me." "I will." He responded, his palms sweaty from anxiety. He brushed his hair behind his ear and Professor Valor smirked at him, "Well go on then, haven't you got class?" He said, and Demians face grew even redder. "R-right...Goodbye Professor Valor." "Valentino" He replied, and he went back to his desk, sitting down to grade papers for the rest of the afternoon.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*Demian was finishing up dinner in the great hall, he noticed Astoria looking over at him, she quickly turned to her plate and pretended to speak to her friends. Curious. He thought to himself. Pansy hadn't looked in his direction since the party, he wondered if Astoria had even told her that he knew what she'd done that night. A wave of nausea overcame him, thinking of it. His friends we're talking amongst themselves, Peter had an arm over Penny, apparently she was over her Valentines Day disaster. "So anyways, the snow is finally fucking melting, should be warm enough this weekend to actually do something outside." Peter said. "Yeah you know some of the 7th years were actually talking about having a bonfire in the woods right outside Hogwarts this weekend." Penny said, raising her eyebrows. "We could always crash that." Mordred suggested. Peter tapped his fingers together, "Oh really. We might just have to do that." Demian rolled his eyes, "I'm not going without Draco." He said. "You're seriously no fucking fun man, you don't think he'll be back by then? Where is he anyways?" Demians stomach sank, he wish he knew but he just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't dare tell anyone about the mark who didn't need to know, he worried what others might think. "I don't know when he'll be back or even where he went." He admitted to them. "Alright, like that's not weird or anything." Penny said. "How do you live like that mate? Your whole life is just shrouded by mystery constantly, I'd go mad." Peter said. Penny laughed, "truly, and so would I."Demian tried to laugh with them, but in his gut he knew they were right."I'm already insane" Demian joked, and then they all finally shared a laugh before going back to the dorms. *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*That night Demian couldn't sleep again, he made his way for Malfoys dorm and crept inside. It was still empty, unfortunately, and he fell into Dracos sheets, inhaling his scent. He brought his stuff for class the next few days and he unburdened himself of it onto Malfoys Dresser. He pulled out his books and the familiar pages of poetry fell out. Curiously, he picked it up and thumbed through the pages, a singular poem had a page marked with a fold of its corner. He read it, "The fountains mingle with the riverAnd the rivers with the ocean,The winds of heaven mix for everWith a sweet emotion;Nothing in the world is single;All things by a law divineIn one spirit meet and mingle.Why not I with thine?—"He mouthed the words as he read them, Beautiful. Demian knew very little about poetry, he had never heard of the author Percy Shelley, but he found his words comforting and safe. He wondered if it had been marked intentionally, and a flash of his Professor came to mind. He face grew hot at the thought, the mere possibility, but then his hands found the snake necklace protectively grabbing it between his fingertips. Dont be crazy. He thought to himself. He closed the book for the night, climbing into Malfoys bed hoping and even praying that he might return soon. He enveloped himself in that familiar scent and drifted off to sleep.