TW: Substance Abuse, Depression, Mild Sexual Content
Malfoy carried Demian back to his quarters, passing several Slytherin on the way in. As comfortable as he wanted to be, he couldn't get the haunting image of Terrence out of his mind. He felt bad, unbelievably bad. He thought being public with Malfoy, turning him down and trying to live his life would be somewhat easier than this. But it wasn't. It stung. He buried his face in Malfoys neck for most of the walk home, saddened.
Malfoy unlatched the door with one hand, holding Damien up securely with the other while he nudged it open with his leg. He shut it behind them and laid Demian down on his bed, his black satin sheets encradling him while Draco kissed his way up his neck, sliding himself between Demians legs. He shivered, but Draco could tell something was wrong.
He sighed, annoyed "What's gotten into you, I figured this is exactly what you wanted."
And it was what he wanted. He wanted so badly to be with Malfoy, only him, and to not be afraid of what others thought. And for the first time, he was. But he felt unfulfilled. He felt guilt, and maybe even a hint of shame for his part in that display at the bonfire earlier.
He waited just a few too many seconds with his response and Draco interjected,
"Don't tell me this is about Higgs." He said. "He's always been pathetic Demian, always a loner in the background, you paying him no mind changes nothing. Things just went back to the way the used to be, the way they're supposed to be." He said harshly.
Demian looked away from him, even as he studied his face. Draco rolled his eyes, "Ugh." He said, under his breath, rolling off him.
"You have to stop feeling bad for him Demian. Whatever you two had is over. It should have never begun, if you ask me." A shred of jealousy pierced his words. "You belong to me, you know that. And you knew this is how it would be. You can't protect him from seeing us." Draco scoffed at the thought.
"To think all I've given up for you, and you still have the nerve to worry about him."
And he didn't speak another word, neither of them did. They went to be, in silence, after hours of contemplation within their own minds.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
The next day Demian woke up and Draco was nowhere to be found. He looked around for a note, but he hadn't chosen to leave one. He left Dracos bed and went to his dresser, since he had been staying there a lot more frequently, he had several sets of clothes stored here. He dressed for the day and could see in the mirror his hair had grown even longer, it was growing more unmanageable from his usual length, and he decided then and there he needed a cut, or at least a trim. He sighed and tried to tame his locks the best he could, throwing it into a messy bun.
He studied himself in the mirror, wisps of hair hung in front of his face still, but he liked it like that. He saw the snake necklace reflected back at him and smiled a bit, touching it protectively. He felt a small sting and sucked air through his teeth. A droplet of blood peaked out from his finger. It felt like divine punishment. He shook his head of those thoughts and finished getting ready, heading out for class.
His morning class, potions was normally extremely quiet due to Snapes particularities, but this morning was much different. He looked around, whispers everywhere. Since Malfoy wasn't attending, Peter dropped into his seat.
"Have you heard?" He said, quietly.
"Heard what?" Demian said, curiously.
"Last night, at the party, someone passed out and one of the 7th years had to get Dumbledore."
Passed out? Demian thought to himself.
"How did you find that out? For all you know it could have been you." Demian chuckled quietly.
Peter mouthed, "Fuck you." As Snape walked in and silence befell the classroom once more. Demian looked around, searching everywhere for Higgs. His stomach dropped when he realized he wasn't there, and the guilt he felt grew even bigger in his chest.
"Today we will be discussing a very complex potion, one that is only taught once you have proven yourselves worthy. The Everlasting Elixir, and as the name suggests, they never run out. There will be no meddling today, not a peep to be uttered during this lecture am I understood?"
He looked around, the class remained silent.
"Good." He said, continuing on with the lesson. He reiterated time and time again the importance of ingredient amounts, intricate methods of stirring, and seemingly endless steps needed to create the potion. Demian took notes meticulously, since his memory could be spacy when he was under too much stress. And he was, thoughts of his conversation with Draco last night tugged at his heart, as did the possibility something had happened to Higgs.
He saw his face in his mind again, that smile plastered on his face, even through the tears. His stomach lurched at the thought, and he had not an ounce of comfort to be found in this class. He remained silent, one of the first to leave potions class. A mountain of notes to review before his exams.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Demian walked into charms class, immediately searching for any sign of Higgs or Malfoy. But of course, they weren't there. Whispers again, all around.
This time, Mordred sat next to him.
"So, it was Higgs, did you hear?" Demians stomach dropped.
What?
"He was the one to pass out at the party, apparently he was high on something, wouldn't stop smiling or laughing until he just, fell over." Demian felt a rush of nausea up his throat as those flashes of his smile came back to him. He felt as though he might cry at any moment, and he did his best to shake himself of those emotions as Professor Valor walked in. The whispers still continued for a moment until he cleared his throat,
"Ahem." He said. "With the exams quickly approaching I thought we might go over everything Professor Flitwick taught you, in small snippets." He said.
He heard some groans from the class.
"Hey! None of that", he pointed around the room. "Every one of you is capable of anything, the O.W.L.s determine whether you gain access to bigger and better classes. Don't some of you believe you're the greatest witches and wizards around?" He questioned them.
Some smiled broke out amongst the students, more whispers.
"Some of you know, and others, you're just waiting to find out." He looked at Demian briefly before continuing on with his lecture. He went over everything meticulously, Demian took more notes. He felt his hand writing, though his mind was blank.
At the end of class, he sat in his seat for a few moments longer, Mordred turned to him,
"You gonna be okay?" He said. Demian just nodded. "Hey, he's gonna make it." He tried to reassure him.
Demian lingered even longer as Mordred left, hoping, praying that Professor Valor would stop by his desk. He always knew what to say.
"Valentino." He said, and Demians heart skipped a beat.
"P-Professor Valor." He replied, standing up out of instinct.
"Please, stay seated, you look like you need it." He said, leaning against the edge of the opposite end of the table. "Now, what's going on? Are your studies coming together okay."
Demian just sighed, he thumbed through his dozens of pages of notes. "It's not the studying, Professor..." He admitted.
"I figured as much." He said, lowly before he turned around and shut his door, returning next to Demian. "In case you're worried about prying eyes, or ears." He explained.
Demian just nodded, brushing the small strangs of falling hair from his face a bit. "It's...well it's rather personal." He said, his face turning a slight shade of pink. He wasn't sure why he was confiding in him, he felt he needed advice from someone more mature, more studious than those around him.
"I feel lost." Was all he could manage to say.
Professor Valor smiled a bit, folding his arms. He appeared a bit more concerned.
"This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the two missing people from class, would it." He replied.
Demian just bushed deeper and nodded his head.
"I told you not to worry so much about that." He sat there for a moment, contemplating what to say. "Demian, when faced with a tough situation, especially one of the heart, you need to make sure every move you make involves your well being too. Not just the other person. You seek too much approval from those around you" He continued, "And in the process, lose sight of yourself, and what you truly want."
Demian took a moment to digest his words,
"Yes, you're right..." He managed to say, "I feel sometimes, so controlled." He admitted.
This made the Professor sigh, and for the first time the smile typically branded on his face disappeared. "I worried that was the case." He said. "You need to find your voice, Demian, amongst all the others talking over you in your life."
Those words sat deep with him. He pictured Draco, claiming ownership over him, although it excited him, he felt he was always walking on eggshells, afraid his next move might upset him.
Professor Valor could tell he was lost in thought,
"Ruminate on those words, young Valentino." He said. "Don't be late to class." He tapped his wristwatch and Demian managed a small smile, before packing up his things and heading to his last class of the day, where he would surely just be taking more notes.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
That night, Demian went back to his own dorm. After what happened with Draco, he just wasn't ready to face him. The professors' words raced through his mind all day after charms class, and he couldn't help but dwell on Mordreds, too. He felt immense guilt about Terrence, and he knew that in his heart he had to make sure he was going to be okay, regardless of what Draco thought.
He blamed himself, in some small way. Even though he tried to pull away, tried to spare him from seeing them together in the end, Draco was right. He couldn't protect him.
Although it was late, he put on his shoes, ensuring his friends were asleep before he slipped out for the night, towards Pomfreys office.
He crept through the desolate halls, the decorative sconces flickering with candlelight, barely illuminating the walkway. As he reached the entrance to the nurses office, he heard voices, namely Professor Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey.
He peered inside and saw them over Higgs body, his eyes were still closed.
"Yes well, I'm not sure what we'll do in this instance. It seems we need to be watching for things like this more closely, just how many kids do you think were participating?"
These words confused Demian, but he was entranced, he leaned a bit more forward.
"There's no way to tell, Headmaster." Pomfrey replied.
"Just how much of it do you think he ingested?" Dumbledore said lowly.
"It's hard to say...." She began, "But it's likely to have been for at least a few days time."
Dumbledore sighed, "And no one noticed anything? Not one of the teachers? Not his classmates?"
This sent a wave of fear through Demians body, any guilt he harbored for the incident grew tenfold as he realized the gravity of the situation.
"Will he wake up?" Pomfrey said, almost in a whisper.
"It's....unlikely." Dumbledore responded, placing a comforting hand on Pomfreys shoulder, "That amount of the Elixir of Euphoria being used is unheard of. Especially for such lengthy durations. We'll just have to wait and see. Be sure to write his parents, immediately." He said.
Demian felt the tears welling up, a lump in his throat became impossible to swallow and he turned away quickly, hearing Dumbledores footsteps retreating. He ran, down the hall, tears streaming down his face when he suddenly crashed directly into someone. Demian fell backwards, catching himself on his palms and he looked up through blurry sight to see Professor Valor, who was coming out of the library.
"Valentino, my word are you alright?" He reached out a hand and Demian took it gratefully. He was pulled to his feet and without warning, wrapped his arms around Professor Valor who held his arms at his sides unsure what to do. He chuckled awkwardly as Demian cried softly into his chest before looking around, ensuring the hallway was clear. Eventually, he gave in and put one arm over the distraught Demian, who stood there, crying unconsolably for a few moments.
"Come." He said, Demian looked up at him with crimson stained eyes before realizing exactly what was happening. He let go of his professor immediately and backed away a few feet, embarrassed beyond belief.
"I-I'm sorry.." Demian said,
"Never mind that, just come." He opened the door to the library back up and they both went inside.
Professor Valor shut the door behind them, walking up and pulling a chair out for Demian, who sat. You could tell the Professor was nervous, and Demian felt bad for putting him in that position. He chose to stand a few feet away from him and Demian took notice of this.
"Now, tell me what has happened?" He said.
"It's..."
"Complicated?" He replied, folding his arms. "We're past complicated, with what just happened in the hallway." The professor cleared his throat and Demian noticed his own face get slightly flushed. "Now tell me what's happened."
"It's Terrence."
"Ah, yes. I heard about that, actually. You know they're going to start monitoring those little get togethers you all have after the incident, you might want to be careful." He warned. "And I truly hope you're not involved in any of the Euphoria nonsense." He raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't know...." Demian said, but he thought back to all the times he saw Higgs, that distressed smile on his face. "But I blame myself."
"Now how on earth could it be your fault that he chose to ingest so much of it?" Professor Valor expressed, "We all make our own decisions."
"But I upset him, I'm the reason for all of this happening" He began, "If it wasn't for my relationship with Draco none of this would have happened."
"Heh, yes. Mr. Malfoy." Professor Valor responded, "That family always has something going on don't they" He trailed off for a moment, "Anyways, Demian...It is not your fault. His heart wanted what his heart wanted, as did yours. As sad as it is to see this happening, and as distraught as it must make you, you mustn't blame yourself. Whatever role you played in this unfortunate accident was blameless. If I had to guess, young love, turned tragedy." For a split moment, he turned his head away, his own worries clouding his mind. "It's a rare thing, young love working out." He said, somewhat out of his usual character, "But when it does, it's the sweetest thing of all."
Demian sniffled, he wiped his face on the back of his sweater and stared at the ground.
"Professor Valor..." He said, quietly.
"Yes, Valentino?"
"Is he going to die?" The tears welled up in his eyes again and he couldn't control it, they fell freely and he turned away, folding his arms on the table and resting his head on them.
Professor Valor sighed, he stepped forward and his hand hovered over Demians back for a moment as he sobbed in his own arms, head down on the table. He touched his fingertips to Demians back and rubbed softly for a few moments,
"I hope he doesn't." He responded, the most comforting answer he could think of.
Demian remained quiet for a few moments, the sadness overwhelming him. He cried until the tears dried up, the feeling of a gentle touch rubbing his back his only solace in this time of need. His head finally rose, and he spoke "Professor, thank you...for talking with me." He said, sniffling a few times through his words, "Sometimes, I feel so alone, even in a room full of people."
The Professor nodded his head in agreement, he pulled out the seat next to Demian and for the first time, sat close to him. "Valentino, we all feel alone sometimes." He started, "But the comfort we find in those close to us can help us fuel our fires once more. Don't let this one rain cloud, douse your flames."
Demian tried to force a smile, he turned towards the Professor and his knee touched his own. Christian pulled away slightly before continuing, "Now, I think you need to get some sleep." He stared into his tired eyes, exhausted from crying. He brushed the few strands of wispy hair from his face and smiled softly, "Get to bed."
Demian blushed as he felt his fingertips graze his forehead, he nodded and got up from his seat.
"Goodnight, Professor." He said, composure slowly returning to him.
"Goodnight, Demian." He stood from his own seat and they walked out together.