Daniel always had a smile on his face and was the type whose expressions were hard to read. But today, it was rare to feel that his mask had dropped. It was the first time I had seen him with such an expressionless face. Could he be serious?
"..."
Suddenly, there was a soft sound on the table. I looked up and saw a can of coffee placed there. I searched for the person who put the coffee with my eyes and found him sitting on a chair in a slightly distant place, opening the same thing.
"Blake?"
Blake noticed my gaze and looked at me, showing a very troubled expression and a slight smile. He had no intention of approaching and silently took a sip of his coffee, his eyes on the ground.
Usually, no matter how I scolded him, Blake would come closer - thinking of this, I felt a strange sense of inconsistency in my heart.
"The suspension bridge effect? Well, it makes some sense."
One day, he suddenly confessed his love, and I was caught off guard by this unexpected event. He didn't give me a chance to refuse and said to let me think about it. I didn't have time to calm down, and then my mind was filled with thoughts of Blake. Was my brain misunderstanding something between the surprised heartbeat and the heartbeat of love?
Suddenly, I remembered something I had heard before.
"Could it be this?"
Unknowingly falling into a trap - this was what Zoe had said before.
In short, I was caught from the beginning. Was it like being pushed along by various things?
I couldn't help but mutter to myself. But it probably was like this. From Blake's wavering just now, it could be seen that he had planned it from the beginning.
"Even if I realize this, what can I do now?"
By keeping a distance from Blake and thinking calmly, can I understand my true feelings?
Was I just being pushed along by the momentum?
Was I just being confused by his gentleness?
"Understand!"
I couldn't help but get angry with myself for asking and answering myself.
Basically, I didn't really understand my feelings for Blake now, and I didn't know what was true. Plus Daniel's matter, I couldn't think about it at all. If I thought about it further, my brain would go crazy.
"Blake"
I called out to Blake, who was peeping over here from a distance.
"..."
"Blake, come here for a moment."
I called his name again as he hesitated whether to come or not. Then he slowly stood up and stopped in front of me.
"Teacher?"
Ignoring Blake's confusion, I grabbed the hands in front of me and pulled him towards me. Blake was pulled forward by me, and the distance between us shortened. Blake's eyes widened in surprise, but I ignored him and leaned my head on his body. I wanted to touch him, but I didn't know why. But now, I seemed to understand a little bit of Blake's feelings usually.
Ah, so that's it - it must be that I wanted to feel at ease.
"I'm getting more and more confused about love and such. Blake, why do you think I'm good and like me?"
"..."
I felt Blake take a sharp breath when he heard my question. Blake's hands, which would usually hug me without hesitation, hung powerlessly. I leaned my head on him and closed my eyes for a while, and Blake's body moved slightly.
"Will you be angry if I say I don't know?"
Blake broke the silence and said in a low voice, and I doubted my ears.
"Ah?"
I couldn't understand what Blake said and looked up, frowning. But he looked at me very seriously.
"Now, you are kind, a bit easy to be deceived, serious but a bit careless, and you are more sincere and gentle to students than anyone else. I think these aspects are very lovely and wonderful. But I don't know myself. The first time I liked a teacher, the moment I liked you... I don't know why it happened. Since I started to care about you, I wanted to know you."
Blake's voice became smaller and smaller as he spoke. His eyes, which usually looked directly at me, lowered and stared at the floor instead of looking at me.
"Indeed, we hardly talked before, and you can say it's a moment of confusion. But - do I need a reason for my feelings of liking you?"
Just wanting to know his feelings, Blake showed a hurt expression. He, who was usually calm, now looked like he was about to collapse. Did I ask something I shouldn't have?
Unconsciously, I always made him show such an expression. When he was with me, he looked uneasy, lonely, and about to cry. I wanted to know why he was always so uneasy, but I couldn't find a reason and didn't know what to do. And I was very soft-hearted towards his expression. Every time I thought of Blake's face, my heart would ache.
"Hey, Ben? Come back."
Suddenly, there was a loud sound in my ear.
I was startled by the sound and looked up to see a familiar face, looking at me with hands clasped together. After noticing this, the noise around started to enter my ears. This was a familiar izakaya that was old but had delicious food, and the voices of people were noisy.
"Ah, sorry, Carl, what's the matter? I didn't hear you."
"Really, you called someone over but didn't listen... However, Daniel probably told me the situation."
Carl - he drank up the full glass of draft beer in one gulp, exaggeratedly let out a breath, and put the glass back on the table.
He was my best friend since middle school and the one who introduced Daniel to me.
"That guy, I said it mustn't be Ben."
Carl narrowed his eyes, which already gave a stern impression, and cursed at the absent Daniel. While muttering complaints, he ate the grilled chicken skewers in front of him, pulled out the bamboo skewers, and threw them into the skewer holder. Carl raised his hand.
"Hey, bring me a draft beer here!"
Carl waved to the familiar clerk and got a loud response.
"So Mr. Daniel is the same type as Carl."
From Carl's words, I finally began to understand. I pressed my fingers against my temples, gently rubbed them, and let out a deep sigh.
This friend had been interested in men since before, that is, what is called a homosexual. Thanks to him, I had no prejudice against this, but I never expected to be involved in it.
"Ah, yes. After all, they met at Rabbit."
Carl raised one hand to the clerk who brought the beer over and looked at me while drinking.
Rabbit was the name of the bar that Carl and they often went to, and it seemed that most people who went there were looking for such encounters. I had been taken there once by him half-jokingly with a try-it-out mentality, but I would never go there alone. However, the owner was a bold but very interesting person.
"Because aiming for someone else's ass, but instead being eaten is the encounter?"
Carl's words made me speechless with my mouth open. For a moment, I unconsciously imagined the two of them together, and my shoulders slumped. Daniel also had a handsome face, and Carl also had a masculine and resolute face. The bright brown hair made Carl's face, which was easy to give a stern impression, look softer.
Both of them were very good-looking, which left me speechless.
"Why me?"
"Ah? What, Ben is still concerned about his appearance."
"Can't I?"
It was impossible to say that I didn't care. Carl in front of me was an example. For some reason, there were always many good-looking men around me. In this situation, it would be strange not to have a sense of inferiority.