I stood up slowly, it was like I'm in a slow motion episode in one of your favorite drama flicks where the wife caught-handed her husband with another woman.
I clutched my bag tightly against my thigh, consciously aware that my wrinkled labcoat is a mess. I am a mess. I can feel my heart bleeding. God! This is too much!
I can't stop staring at this gorgeous lady with him. They both look beautiful together and that hurts the most.
'Hi babe', he walked towards me, slightly smiling but frowning. He must be wondering why I'm here and that I must look pale to him coz I feel so cold and numb inside.
He leaned close and kissed me on my mouth.
The woman was right behind me. Her eyes are twinkling with amusement. The witch is laughing at my expense!
Do I look like a clown to her?!
The bitch!
'Portia, I want you to meet my wife, Nicolaa', he said and hugging me to his side.
'Nic, this is Portia Arradi, she just came back from London'.
'Nice to meet you, Nicolaa', she extended her hand. My name rolling in her tongue with a slight ring to it. She too must have felt my hand is cold but didn't comment on it. Her eyes slowly assessing me.
I just nodded my head at her. I became very self-conscious. These are his kind of women, the kind he used to date before forcibly marrying a plain pauper. I can't seem to find my tongue.
Oh, this is bad!
'So I guess I'll run along now seeing that you have a visitor', emphasizing the word visitor. Her heavy accent is almost sexy even to my ears and I loathe it to death.
'Domdom, we'll talk 'business' again next time. Will tomorrow night be great with you?', she inquired.
Visitor?! And what's with the nickname Domdom?!
'Yes, I'll see you at 8. We'll have dinner together with--'
'Babe, you told me we'll visit mom tomorrow', I clutched his arm, I sounded almost angry, spiteful in fact. I didn't know where the fuck that came from. It just bombed out of my mouth.
Eric looked incredulously at me. He didn't expect I'll say that. He knew perfectly well that was never a plan.
Portia pursed her lips and her carefully waxed brows raised.
'I see your wife is cute', then she laughed heartily.
'Ah... Yeah, I forgot I promised to take her out on a date. With... Mom', Eric is grinning now.
I don't know what is it that they both found amusing but hell I can picture them both in my mind right now staring lovingly and lustfully at each other, holding hands flirtatiously and kissing over dinner and I definitely can't accept that. Delete!
I'm glad he didn't reveal I was lying.
'I gotta go. See you around, Nicolaa. It's a pleasure meeting you', she gave me a saucy look, kissed my cheek and left strutting that high jackie o' pumps shoes of hers. I wanted to wipe my cheek off but that would be too childish of me. God, she smells good while I smell tacky. No wonder Eric was all over her.
***
By the time his office door closes, I wanted to confront him but I sat down and pretended I'm searching for something I-know-not in my bag. I wanted to clear my head.
I can sense him staring at me while I did that.
The silence lengthened. Then he sat beside me and took my bag off my lap, placing it behind him.
I gasped.
'Give it back!', I spat.
'What was that about, Nic?', he inquired quietly.
'My bag, I need it'.
'Answer my question first'.
I bit my lower lip. I can't tell him I'm crazy jealous of her.
'I'm waiting'.
Not wanting to tell the truth so I lied.
'I wanted to see mom. That's why I came here to ask you to take me to her tomorrow'.
He assessed my reaction. Trying to catch if I'm telling the truth or not.
Then he smiled.
'You could have just called, you know I always answer my phone when it comes to you'.
'I... I wanted to ask you personally', I said shyly.
'I see', he traced my cheek with the back of his hand. 'So you left work early just to tell me that?', His thick brows questioning.
'Yes', I nodded my head frantically.
He looked deeply into my eyes and the next thing I know he was kissing me torridly. I kissed him back.
By the time he let go of my lips, I was breathless.
'God, I miss you', he whispered against my mouth and traced it with his thumb. I wanted to suck on that but to may dismay he stood up and walked over to his large desk.
My eyes followed him, biting my lower lip, tasting him.
He was typing something on his laptop, though standing, one hand placed on top of his large swivel chair.
I was studying him, thinking about how handsome he is.
'I bought a car for you. You know how to drive, right?', he asked matter of factly, glancing my way and caught me oogling him.
My eyes widened. What a ninny, Nicolaa?!
'Car? D-drive?', I asked, confused.
'Yes. A red prius, I know you love red'.
'Yes but... But why?', confused, frowning. Is he tired of picking me up?
'So you won't be late going home. I don't want you waiting for me all the time', his eyes still fixed in the monitor. 'Nowadays you know how work is around here. You do understand what I'm saying babe, don't you?', He gave me a quick glance.
I nodded slowly, my heart is crying.
Is he doing this on purpose?
So he can spend more 'business hours', with her?!
With that in mind, my temper raised.
'I can use my own car!', I answered almost angry.
He looked at me, studying me, frowning at me. He obviously didn't like what he heard.
'Nic, what's the matter?'
'Stop buying me things!', I stood up immediately, furious. 'Enough already, okay?! I'm so fed up with your ways forcing me to gain all your riches. I didn't marry you for your money--'
'Why did you marry me?', he cut me off.
I shut up.
No sound came from my mouth. No sound can be heard in his room.
Both aware that I am acting foolishly, childlishly, ridiculous.
'You blackmailed me', I answered above a whisper, after sometime.
A tear fell from the corner of my eye.
Oh, damn it! Me and my big, filthy mouth!
I controlled my sob, I don't want him to see me cry but my nerves are in a wreck.
His face sombered. He didn't say anything.
Now I felt like I'm the mean bitch. There's no way out but to apologize but my pride won't let me.
He cleared his throat and smiled sadly.
'I'm sorry, I thought I made you change your mind and heart completely. After all, these past few months of us being together... I... I thought I made you happy but I think I was wrong'.
I swallowed the lump on my throat. For if I'm going to speak, he'll know my true feelings for him. I can't be that vulnerable infront of him. No, no.
Oh, why am I always pushing him away?
He took a calming breath, for I didn't answer.
'Nicolaa, if you'll excuse me, I got a meeting set again in about fifteen minutes. Will you wait for me until I'm finish?', he arched his brows. 'Please baby', he added.
How can I ever say no to that?
I slowly nodded my head while he was walking over to me once again. His gorgeousness overwhelms me. He's so beautiful and handsome and amazing and... I... I love him so much.
I sniffled when he was close. He caressed my face and raised my chin.
'Tsk! tsk! tsk!', he wiped the tearstain off my cheek. 'I never want to see you cry, Nicolaa'. His eyes scanning my face lingeringly.
My eyes welled up with tears again.
He grinned. 'Just now I said I don't want to see you cry and then this?'
Well, I'm sorry', I wailed. 'I can't control my emotions', my face crunching up, about to cry again.
Where does these tears coming from? It's as if they won't run dry?
'I noticed', he kissed my temple. His warm lips marking me as his.
'I wanted to make you smile all the time and it breaks my heart to see you like this, miserable. God knows how much I've longed for you, how much I needed you', he whispered against my skin.
I closed my eyes tightly, stopping my tears. I want him to say those three little words my heart sings for him.
He cupped my face in his hands and I opened my glazed eyes, watching him studying me. I can't seem to move.
'I want you to know Nicolaa that I--'
His office door opened.
His assistant's face flared up, surprised to see us in such close embrace.
I hid my blushing face against his chest, his hand slipping into my hair, tugging me closer to him.
'Excuse me, Mr. Morrison but they-- they need you now in the conference room', she said in an embarassed tone.
'I'll be right up, Carol'.
'Thank you, sir', then she left hurriedly.
He took a deep breath.
'You know that all I want is to be with you right now but I got to go. We'll talk about this later, alright baby?
I nodded, not wanting to let him go.
He sounded so serious my heart started warming up. Hope has not died. His actions says it all even when he never said them yet.
I just wanna be here, with him.
If I'm by his side, I know I'm home and I'm not going to be alone.
I won't be empty anymore.