I was quite relieved when I reached the airport and thankful that Marceau isn't the driver who brought me there. It would be very difficult to explain things with him once he starts prying. And very embarassing too.
I started pulling my LV trolley bag and headed for the counter, good thing international airports has english sign boards.
Ignoring the stares I got from the people who thinks I'm a freak who's wearing a huge sunglasses at night, I immediately fell in line.
When it's my turn, the ticketing officer stared at me for awhile. She must have noticed I'm trying to control myself not to cry infront of her.
'It's your lucky day, madame', she said, with perfect english and without a trace of a french accent.
'E-excuse me?', I said in a croaked voice.
'As our chance and last passenger, I'm going to give you a good seat. You're going to be in first class. You don't have to pay for the upgrade', she was smiling widely at me. God I must look so pitiful for her to offer me that.
'Thank you', I said, sniffing and wiping my tears with my gloved hand. Atleast she gave me a bit of a privacy when I'm there.
The hotel management informed me that they were only able to book a flight for me in the economy section for most of the flights are full due to the fact that a storm is coming to the city by tomorrow. I can't ride in Eric's private plane for he was the one who flew that here, and I don't wanna see him.
'Madame, is there anything I can help you with?'
I was pressed out from my reverie.
'No, thank you', I reached over and grasped her hand, 'You've helped enough', I smiled sadly at her, took my passport and ticket.
And as I was boarding the plane, it felt like I left my heart in Paris..
***
When I reached his house, I immediately went to the bedroom started gathering my old stuff back.
I left the hotel without a note.
I made up my mind.
I'm leaving him.
He lied to me. I can't trust him.
And I'm not-- I'm not the woman of his dreams.
I left the phone he gave me at the hotel and some of the things I bought in my haste to get back here.
By now he must have known I went home without him, he must be in the hotel already. And he have seen the mess I left there.
He can't fly his plane because of the storm, thank God for that, he is stuck there.
The phone in our bedroom kept blaring. I didn't answer and ignored it.
When my ears started ringing, I pulled the plug and continued gathering my old clothes. The clothes that I brought with me.
He might be calling to confront me about ruining the painting he made of his precious Portia.
I was crying while I was removing the engagement and wedding rings he gave me from my finger.
This wasn't a marriage of love but a marriage in a consented blackmail.
He forced me and I let him.
I won't deny and I wont lie anymore that I married him because I love him.
I knew I can find another job even when they laid me off, but something stopped me. Because deep my heart I wanted him to own me.
My heart, my body, my soul, my all.
I gave him everything. Every part of my being but I am not good enough.
And the paintings? I guess he just said it was me so I'll stop prying, I'll stop questioning him.
I am such a fool.
A fool for him.
But I'm not a fool anymore, I give up.
I was reaching for him but my arms aren't long enough for Portia caught him before I did.
***
As I was going down the stairs, the doorbell was ringing incessantly.
I frowned and hurriedly walked towards it.
I was surprise to see him there.
'Hi Nic', he said, his hands on his pants pocket. His large frame blocking my view of outside.
I swallowed.
'W-what are you doing here?'
'Eric asked us to come and check on you', Shawn pointed at his car with his thumb and I saw Tori leaning there, waving at me.
'It's past two a.m.', I said in a weak voice. Seeing her there made me feel overwhelmed. Here is an ally when I needed one most.
'Hey, don't get any ideas', Tori walking towards us, 'We went to a party'.
That's when I noticed she is wearing a cocktail dress and Shawn in a evening suit.
'Oh I'm sorry', I started to explain and then started sobbing. 'I- I-',
Tori hugged me right away before I fell on my knees and I broke down in tears.
I started wailing and we sat down right there infront of a worried Shawn and the door.
We stayed on the floor for half an hour. Tori's arms wrapped around me, assuring me that I am not alone in this dilemma but she wasn't asking me anything. She just stayed there, consoling me and rubbing my back as I cry while Shawn was watching us.
When finally I gathered my thoughts, I asked them pleadingly.
'Take me home now, please'.
She nodded.
As Shawn drove off, I turn my head around, watching his house disappear from my vision.
Hoping to see him standing there on the door.
Wishful thinking and dreaming.
That he's there to stop me from leaving.
***
Two days after leaving Eric's house and staying in my old apartment with Tori, I went back to work.
Eric didn't try to call me anymore and that made me realize that parting with him is what he wanted from me.
I should have thought of that before, that the reason why he doesn't spend much of his time with me is because at last he had his beloved Portia back.
Understanding and analyzing everything that happened between us, I'm still grateful I have met him. Atleast I've known him even for a little while.
I haven't cried since I left his house and I'm thankful for being busy at work. It made me numb inside and let me forget what happened.
The nights are hard to come by for I missed him terribly but two glasses of milk, especially prepared by my little sis helps me sleep fast.
'Nic, room 3 is in need of dialysis. Can you please call Anu so she can start priming? It's stat', Jodel said.
We had 4 emergency admissions in the Trauma Unit and two of our staff were absent. Though I'm in charge of the narcotic medicines, I was helping them out on bedside work too.
'I'll do it, I finished coubting these for you', I handed her the list of equipments for endorsement later.
'Thank God', Jodel took a deep breath. 'What would I do without you?'
'A cup of hot choco is all I want as payment for my services'.
She laughed.
'Crazy'.
'Sicko', I smiled then turn around. 'I'm going to prep things for HD now'.
But as I took my first step, I became dizzy. My eyes rolled back and the last thing I heard was Jodel calling out my name.
***
I woke up with a headache.
'She's coming around', I heard someone from across the room said.
'Nicolaa?', Jodel asked.
I slowly opened my eyes and blinked rapidly.
'What happened?, I asked in a weak voice.
'You fainted', Jodel, rubbing my left forearm. 'You got a slight bump here', she pointed on my left temporal area. 'Are you okay now?'
'I-I'm fine', I answered and sat up as they assisted me.
'I told you you have to eat. Now look what happened to you?', Leena, our cleaner reprimanded me.
I smiled for I realized most of the staff are there.
'I ate, Monihar saw me'
'Ya sure but you only ate a piece of that toasted bread Randy offered us', Monihar, looking cranky but smiling.
'Don't starve yourself, okay?', Anu, 'I already started the dialysis so you don't have to worry about it'.
'Thank you guys', I smiled at them all, sincerely thanking them.
'How's our patient?', Mina asked. She just had her baby two months ago and came back to work afterwards.
'GCS 15 over 15, E4V5M6', Jodel said that everyone in that room laughed.
Mina grinned, sitting down beside me.
'I retrieved your lab results. All your blood samples are within normal limits except for your glucose which was a bit high, 128 but still it will do. You're not diabetic'.
I frowned, if my blood glucose result is like that then it doesn't mean I fainted due to lower blood sugar.
'Nic?', Mina excitedly called me out. She and Jodel held my hands.
'What? What's wrong?', I asked nervously.
'Nic', Mina took a deep breath. 'You're going to be a mommy'.
'Huh?', I asked subconsciously. Trying to process in my brain what she just said.
Everyone in the room applauded.
'You're pregnant', Jodel grinning. 'Your pregnancy blood test showed positive but if you wanna find out for yourself, I prep this so you can confirm it thru urine test', Jodel showing me the specimen bottle she was hiding from her pocket.
'I called Tori and told her what happened. She wanted to come here but I assured her you'll be fine', Mina grinned.
'Wait! Mina, did you tell Eric?'
'No, I don't know Eric's phone number', she smiled. 'And besides, it's not my place. It should be you who should tell him'.
I nodded.
'Congratulations!', Jodel hugged me.
'Group hug, group hug!', Monihar.
'Hey! You're suffocating her!', Leena.
'Make sure I'm one of your baby's godmother!', Mina.
'Of course you are, so am I', Jodel.
'Guys! Guys! Let's get back to work now. The supervisor might check on us', Randy, who just came back from checking on his dying patient.
'Sour puss!', Leena.
'Pea-brained!', Monihar.
'You ruined the moment dude!', Anu.
Randy pouted and scratched his head, 'I'm sorry'.
And everyone laughed.
***
After everyone went out on their business, I was left alone with Mina who chose to stay for a little while with me but was seated in a chair by the wall reading a magazine.
'A baby? I'm going to be a mom?', I smiled, rubbing my tummy. Talking to myself actually but she heard me.
'Yes Nic, you are', she gave me a quick smile. 'Isn't that what you wanted?'
I bit my lower lip and nodded.
I sighed and lied down.
My brain starting to fight with my heart again.
Oh my, why now?
Not when I made up my mind of wanting to leave him.
Not when the truth of him loving another woman clouds my judgement.
What will happen once he'll find out?
I can't let him stay married with me just because we're having a baby.
I can't let him sacrifice his happiness and himself.
I can't do that to him.
Can I?
Oh God, please help me find the answers.
'Nic, what's wrong?', Mina came towards me. I wasn't aware she heard me sobbing.
I sat up and hugged her tight.
Crying out loud, 'The baby maybe all I have left'.