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The sun had dipped below the horizon, and the air was thick with the promise of yet another ridiculous fight. Lee and Hakishi stood side by side, their bodies battered from weeks of intense training, but their spirits… well, mostly intact. There was a bond of unspoken defiance in their hearts. Today was going to be the day. No matter what.
"You ready?" Lee asked, cracking his neck as he spoke.
Hakishi squinted, adjusting his stance and tapping his foot in a way that could only be described as "ready for epic failure." "We've got this," he said, eyes filled with a mixture of determination and the creeping fear that they might not.
The wind began to stir around them. A palpable pressure began to build in the air, like the universe was holding its breath. But it was more than that. It was the pressure of a battle that they knew deep down was going to be their most absurd yet.
And then, in a flourish of impossibly coolness, Aduru Michi appeared.
Standing at the edge of a rocky cliff, his silhouette was illuminated by the dying light of the sunset. His posture was relaxed, yet emanating power. His dark eyes gazed at them, as though they were merely bugs to be squashed. And his hair—oh, his hair—was, as always, perfectly styled, even though it was clear he hadn't done anything to it. It defied logic.
"You're late," Lee called out, wiping sweat from his forehead. "Seriously, I was getting tired of waiting for you to show up. This fight's been scheduled for hours."
Aduru raised an eyebrow, unamused. "You think you're funny? We'll see how funny you are in a few moments."
"I'm hilarious," Lee said with all the confidence of someone who had no chance of winning but would go down swinging, literally and figuratively.
Hakishi, ever the tactician, said nothing. He just cracked his knuckles, more to make noise than to prepare himself. "Alright," he muttered, "This is it. We're doing this. Together."
Aduru let out a single sigh. "Do you two ever tire of embarrassing yourselves?"
"Not today, Aduru!" Lee yelled with dramatic flair, raising his hand into the air and calling forth the winds. "Prepare yourself for the—"
Before he could even finish the sentence, Lee was blasted across the battlefield by the mere flick of Aduru's hand. He flew like a ragdoll, landing in a heap on the ground, groaning.
Hakishi blinked. "Well… that wasn't what I expected."
Lee groaned louder. "It's a new technique! I call it 'Get Out of My Way,' patented trademark!"
"Uh-huh," Hakishi said, totally unconvinced. "Okay, my turn." He gritted his teeth, his hands glowing with Phantom Edge. "This time, Aduru, you're going down. For real. No more messing around."
With a battle cry that sounded suspiciously like a cat being stepped on, Hakishi launched himself forward, fists of pure energy aimed directly at Aduru's chest.
Aduru, still standing perfectly still, raised a single eyebrow. "Really? You think this will work?"
Hakishi's fists were inches from his opponent when Aduru flicked his finger again. In that single motion, Hakishi was sent spinning into the air, flailing wildly as if he were on a roller coaster that had suddenly broken down.
"Did you forget gravity existed?" Aduru called after him, watching as Hakishi crash-landed with the sound of a thunderous thud.
"Just a… just a test run!" Hakishi gasped from the ground, struggling to stand. He gave Lee a thumbs-up. "Nailed it. Totally nailed it."
Lee, still lying flat on his back, groaned. "Yeah, you really got him… by getting yourself launched into space."
Hakishi scowled. "Shut up. I'm still working out the kinks."
Meanwhile, Aduru was already bored. He sighed, placing his hand on his chin in an exaggerated gesture that screamed, Is this all you've got?
Lee finally managed to sit up, his pride taking longer to recover than his body. "Alright, alright. Enough of the warm-up. It's time to pull out the big guns."
The winds howled as Lee summoned a massive swirling vortex of air and lightning. Sparks crackled from his hands as he screamed, "This is the Storm of the Century! The ultimate attack! Here it comes!"
Aduru didn't move. He didn't need to. The storm, filled with violent winds and destructive lightning, hurtled toward him like a freight train.
Lee grinned. "You're going to feel that one, Aduru!"
The storm hit, the energy crackling and popping. But Aduru didn't flinch. He simply stood there, unfazed. The wind barely rustled his hair.
"Is that all you've got?" he asked, utterly unbothered.
Then, with the kind of nonchalant grace that only Aduru could muster, he raised a single hand. He flicked it casually, and the storm dissolved. The lightning scattered harmlessly into the air, like a child's failed science project.
Lee blinked. "Well, that's… anticlimactic."
"And here I thought you were going to actually try," Aduru said, giving them both a look that could only be described as pity. "I was really hoping for a challenge, but clearly, I was wrong."
Hakishi stood up, dusting himself off. "Okay, okay. That was just a warm-up round! We've got so much more!"
Aduru gave them both a blank stare. "Really? You still don't get it. You two are playing with toy swords in a world of dragons."
Hakishi, now slightly more aware of his impending doom, wiped the sweat from his brow. "Okay, maybe we're not winning right now, but we've got one more thing we can try!"
Aduru raised an eyebrow. "You don't."
Lee's eyes shone with a sudden burst of inspiration. "We do! We've been training this technique for years!" He glanced at Hakishi. "You ready?"
Hakishi was about to ask what exactly this "ultimate" technique was when Lee shouted, "HIT HIM WITH THE FLURRY OF ABSURDITY!"
A storm of ridiculousness erupted around them. Lee summoned a hundred tiny, dancing tornadoes of confetti. Hakishi, following his lead, created an uncountable number of floating foam swords. The two of them launched their confetti tornadoes and foam swords at Aduru, who stared in complete disbelief.
Aduru's jaw actually dropped. "Are you serious right now?"
"Yes!" Lee shouted with unshakable confidence. "Feel the power of absurdity!"
Aduru, looking completely caught off guard for the first time in their battle, paused. But only for a second. He swiftly raised his hand, and with a snap of his fingers, the confetti and foam swords vanished into thin air, leaving nothing but awkward silence.
"That… was the dumbest thing I've ever seen," Aduru said, shaking his head. "You two really need help."
Lee and Hakishi, deflated, looked at each other. "Okay, okay," Lee said, rubbing his eyes. "Maybe it wasn't our best move."
"No," Hakishi said. "It was definitely the worst."
But despite their failures, they stood together, ready for whatever Aduru might throw at them next. Because despite the fact that they had never even come close to landing a blow on him, they knew one thing—this fight wasn't over.
Lee looked at Hakishi with a grin. "One more round?"
Hakishi grinned back. "One more. But this time, let's leave the foam swords out of it."
Aduru, as though hearing this for the first time, groaned inwardly. "This is going to be a long day…"
And so, the absurd battle continued. Neither Lee nor Hakishi would give up. They were the best at failing, and no one was going to stop them. Not even the world's strongest person.
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