There's no preamble or even fanfare as the door swings open on its own.
Maybe if it had been a great, ominous creaking noise and a large explosion, I'd be more hyped.
But as it is...
The cavern ahead of us is just more of the same, though larger and with a wider ceiling. A tall pillar in the middle has a set of stairs that stretch to the top, and resting at the very top is what looks like a coffin.
...Is it a necromancer or a vampire?
"It's a necromancer proto-lich, Master! With your skills-!"
I cut off Cissy before she can explain what this 'proto-lich' even is.
I hate tutorials.
I hate guides.
I don't look up how to fight bosses ahead of time, I figure it out on my own.
There's no respawning in this world, so I can't learn by dying over and over like I might do normally. For that reason, I have to be at least a little more tolerant of taking things more carefully and walking with the tutorial.
But I will not have a damn chirpy voice in my head ruin absolutely everything before I can experience it!
There's no point in being here at all if everything I do is just going to be hand-held!
I glare at the coffin, because I can't glare at the System Helper, and march forward toward it.
Apparently strategizing is off the table, because if I dare to try to think about this too much I'll trigger the help command uncontrollably and it'll just tell me what to do.
What horrible design.
There has to be some way to turn off this help if I can just figure it out.
"Master, don't be so hurtful. I'm a blessing!"
Just ignore it, I remind myself. Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it.
"Master! Pay attention! I'm your system helper, not a pest!"
As if!
If I let this thing guide me it's not like I'll be doing anything myself. The game - or challenge, I guess - will just be playing itself.
I'm not interested in that at all.
"I...uh." Arin stares at me.
I glance over at him and squint. "What is it?"
He can't hear my thoughts or that damn system helper, can he?
I didn't say something out loud did I?
Arin is staring past me.
Which is not a good sign.
Elara screams before I finish turning back toward the boss, and a fireball connects immediately with my chest, sending me flying backward into a wall.
I'm...
My head spins a little bit from the impact and I get my feet back underneath me.
This is...
Surprisingly...
Not as painful as I'd expect?
I blink and look down at myself. My shirt now has a fireball shaped hole in it, but my chest is unmarked.
"What..."
Elara gapes at me, a ball of flame spinning over her palm, wide eyed and breathing hard.
"You...are you...?" She stutters.
Before she can continue though, the now awake boss sends another shower of small fireballs in our direction.
I dash forward to avoid them and while I definitely feel the heat cross my back, I'm not too worried. Unfortunately it seems like System Helper was right after all: he's so weak that his fireballs aren't a concern.
What is concerning to me is that this is the boss of the cave, or dungeon, or whatever, and he's not even putting up a fight.
How low level were these things??
"He's level 9, Master!"
I didn't ask.
"But you did ask! You asked!"
No, I'm not paying attention to that voice. I need to focus on this fight. There's always the chance even if he appears not to do any damage that he has some trick up his sleeve. A instant-kill move or a massively powerful huge AOE attack that stuns and blinds everyone.
Something.
I need to stay focused.
I sprint my way up the steps. If his attack isn't good, maybe his defense is weak too and I can take him down like I did his men.
His skeletons.
I have to be careful, too.
There's no reset button. Not for me, nor for the others with me.
I might not care a lot about these people, but there is a second dungeon that might actually be a challenge.
I won't know how to get to it if something happens to Elara.
Although, I suppose Arin is here for specifically that kind of situation.
The lich - proto-lich, apparently - turns its gaze toward me as I rush toward it.
Its glowing yellow eyes seem to regard me coolly, despite having no pupil.
For a moment I have the distinct impression of it saying "Really?"
I swing my sword down toward the proto-lich.
"Fool!" The being laughs, the sound reverberating throughout the chamber as the blade of my sword just. Jams itself into the lich's spinal column. Apparently harmlessly.
Okay.
I mean it makes sense, but I don't like it. You can't just give me a worthless blade against the boss when I have no other weapons, that's poor form.
But.
Not so poor that I can't adapt to it. A challenge is a challenge, after all.
I try to pull the blade free, but it's stuck.
The lich opens its mouth again and lets loose a torrent of black fire towards me, enveloping me completely.
It feels...
Like nothing.
But not in a end of life way.
In a painless way.
It doesn't even sting or burn, and as soon as it subsides I can see that my skin and clothing are unmarred, as if it had never been there in the first place.
The same can't be said for the blade, unfortunately.
It's not damaged, exactly. That makes sense, since it's made of metal.
But it does get really hot. Enough that it's too uncomfortable to keep holding it, and I let go by instinct.
It clatters to the ground and immediately slides off of the edge of the stone platform, crashing to the distant ground below.
No.
It's cool.
It's not like I planned to find a way to use it, or anything.
I stand there, sword-less, feeling more than a little awkward, facing down the first boss without a decent weapon.
It's kind of embarrassing, to be honest.
And here I was, thinking I was going to do so well.
I grit my teeth.
Fine, then.
The shield, surprisingly, is not burnt up by the fire either.
I'm no shield bashing expert, but at least I can beat this thing to death with it.
The lich gives an incredulous snort and fires another volley of flames at me. I dodge it again, feeling the heat from it wash over my skin as it misses its mark.
Then I run for the coffin it sits in, ignoring the peals of laughter and more jets of black flame coming from the clumsy newbie boss.
"What kind of adventurer makes a reckless charge at the enemy?!" Arin shouts at me as I go, but I can't really pay him any mind.
It's hard not to be reckless when the boss' attack was just so recently.
But in a way, finishing it quickly meant it wouldn't have any surprise attack possibilities.
So really, it was kind of taking this proto-lich utmost seriously.
I collide with the bag of bones, shield first, in my utmost best shield bash.
Success!
My momentum knocks the skeleton over and off the platform.
...And then it sends the me toppling off of it as well.
Oops.