It's a lie, of course.
Obviously it's a lie.
Because...
That's...
If that kind of thing really existed, how would anything be challenging at all?
Wouldn't every boss, dungeon, and event be trivial?
"Master, you're silly. It takes a lot more than just Absolute Defense to trivialize the content of this super hard world!"
I don't feel silly, but that is a little reassuring, at least.
It probably still means the low level trash isn't even worth practicing on. It might be good for one or two runs to get used to fighting in this system, but if there's truly no stakes then I have no interest-
"That's why the Heaven's Ultimate Blessing gave you much more than that!"
I stop in place. The others walk ahead of me toward the door that probably leads to treasure.
'Excuse me?'
Also she just made up that name. I'm certain that's not the name I heard before.
"Of course it is!"
It isn't.
"The Heaven's Ultimate Blessing gives you every single starting weapon you could have chosen plus a bonus!" System Helper chirps with way, way too much enthusiasm. "Absolute Defense is just one of them! There's also Elemental Mastery, like I said! You also have Weapon Mastery, Instant Mimicry, Regeneration, The Hero's Blessing, a handy pocket dimension you can access at any time, Monster Absorption, Ultimate Charm Aura, and of course me!"
"WHAT?!"
I say that out loud, but I don't care.
How am I supposed to do ANYTHING in a game when I've been given basically...
Everything?!
"You can do whatever you want, Master!"
The worst possible answer.
"What...did you say...?" Arin struggles to sit up and turns his pale face toward me.
I wave a hand dismissively.
Arin's problems are not mine right now.
This is a crisis.
I wish I were dead.
Again.
But apparently that's going to be literally impossible to achieve!
"Master don't be so negative!"
That's not fair.
Being able to do anything and everything is...
It's right at the outset!!
That's a game breaking start!
It's cheating!
What's the point of doing anything if I can't even try!
This is all so frustrating I can hardly think of what to do.
"It isn't, Master! The difficulty of this world is SSSSS ranked, you know? To compensate for your ultimate difficulty you have to be overpowered!"
I SPECIFICALLY SAID I DIDN'T WANT TO BE!
"That modesty is why the goddess blessed you with this unique ability! And really, Master. You don't understand! If it's just about accomplishments, then don't worry, I forgot one that will change the whole situation!"
Unless it's a death curse every time I use any of it and this voice rattling off in my head is shortening my days every time she speaks, I don't see how that could be.
"You have another ability!" She pauses. As if I'm in any way excited and suspenseful. "Only You Can Level Up!"
"That is COPYRIGHTED!" I snap back immediately.
That is plagiarism right there.
"You are the Solo Levelin-"
Stop mocking me!
"But I'm not, I'm your system helper! And anyway, this world doesn't have copyright."
I groan and rub my forehead.
It doesn't actually matter what she calls it. A leveling system would have been fine, assuming it was decently balanced and I started at lvl 1, but it's not going to fix all that broken garbage on my stat sheet!!
There's nothing I want less than to have an overpowered cheating system that will only get stronger every time I actually fight something.
Especially if it's balanced to give me even more exp every time I actually find something challenging.
This is the worst!
What am I supposed to do with this world?
How do I experience the thrill of a challenge?
I'll never be in any kind of danger! Even if somehow that 'absolute defense' isn't really absolute, apparently I'll just regenerate without even using any healing flasks. And what the hell are those other skills??
Monster absorption?
The hell even is that??
"It's so that when you eat monsters-"
Who would eat a monster?!
"It's more efficient for gaining abilities!"
I refuse.
I'll starve myself to death before I touch that kind of trope!
If only all of the abilities were so easy to avoid.
And what the hell is Ultimate Charm Aura?
"It makes you irresistibly charming to everyone! Especially wom-"
What the hell does that even have to do with fighting a demon king?!
"Uh, well, Master, you don't know. But...!"
I'm not using it.
I'm not doing it.
Never.
I collapse dramatically onto my knees on the floor and wail to the ceiling.
"THIS ISN'T FAIIIIRRRRRRR! WHY HAVE I BEEN FORCED TO CHEAT?!"
Elara's eyes are wide with alarm, but her ears are glowing pink and she's looking off to the side.
Kael shakes his head.
And Arin...?
He looks confused.
Of course he looks confused.
Nobody understands just what a terrible tragedy this is but me.
"HOW WILL I EVER HAVE AN EPIC CHALLENGE LIKE THIS?!"
A pebble bounces off of my head.
Kael is the culprit.
I stare at him for a moment.
I guess I deserved that.
"Please take this seriously. I don't understand what you're doing, but there's no point completing the dungeon until we get the loot. Can you wait to express your madness until after that?"
Madness?
That's uncalled for.
"Yes!" System Helper insists.
I roll my eyes and sigh, standing up and brushing off my knees. "You all can go get the loot. I'm heading out of this place."
I'm not taking ill-gotten loot.
It's about honor.
It's about pride.
It's about how overwhelmingly depressed and disgusted I feel right now.
"Master, you should stay with them at least long enough to find the secret path to the next dungeon! You're the only one who can lead them there!"
I.
Am.
Disgusted.
I can't even have a moment to wallow in self pity without this DAMN helper spoiling things I wasn't even asking about!
I HATE IT HERE!
"Master, don't be like that! You have to consider this carefully. Do you want to save this world or don't you?!"
Of course I want to save this world!
That's the whole point of this challenge!
But there isn't any point in doing it if there's no challenge.
'Turn off all those abilities! Return them to the goddess.'
"I can't do that. Teehee."
Did this voice just 'teehee' me?
I don't have any faith she's telling the truth at all.
Not when she adds that giggle.
But I am very certain that I won't extract the information from her willingly.
I can tell that much by how she refuses to shut up or listen to my instructions.
Ever.
At any time.
"Maaasteerrr!" She whines in my head.
'Return the abilities! All of them! Or tell me how to do that.'
"I won't!"
This little-!
'I command you to!'
"I refuse! You can't spurn the blessing of a goddess. I won't let you!"
I growl in annoyance and stalk toward the exit of this damn cave.
I really hate it here.