Mass release: 9/16
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Lovise Holst-Mathiasen
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"I only had my brother for my first 7 years of life, then I was forced to watch him being brutally murdered in the Grim Games at 12 years old. I only had my mom for my first 14 years of life, but not even that long since after my brother died she became a ghost of who she once was, then I was again forced to watch her being brutally murdered in the Grim Games, just because she wanted to revenge her baby son's death in it, and her husband's, and her sister's, and all of her loved ones that she was forced to watch die."
"Again, I never had Greta, her being alive or dead in the capital has always been the same to me, it never made any real difference, because she has never been present for me, only for Silas, and badly. So, all that's left for me was my paternal aunt, who, for not being blood-related to my mom's bloodline, is safe from this 'curse', that was once a blessing to my family. That's all my family was for the people in area 27, cursed ones who were born to bring even more misery to them, no? That's how they saw me."
"A walking memory of a curse that would come back to bite their ass in another 7 years, and drag them even deeper into the mud. They never heard me, never saw me for me, only for my last name and the weight that same surname carries. Not Lovise Holst-Mathiasen, to them I am solely a Mathiasen, that's all there is to me. If I lived, it didn't matter because I'd die to the Haynes chosen one in the game I was picked to play either way. If I died, it would be even better, because someone else would have a chance to be their hero, and they would be free of the curse."
"They refused to accept me in the only school we have there, they refused to take me into the only medical facility we have there whenever I fell sick, they refused to let me play with the other kids when I was a kid myself, they refused to have any kind of physical contact with me because they said I was cursed and maybe it would be contagious, and after my mom died, they even refused to self food for my aunt because they didn't want me to be fed as she became my legal guardian."
I stared down at my clenched hands, smiling weakly, "I have even more reasons that my parents and my brother for revenge, but I want go by that road, because it won't bring me anywhere, killing Dominic Haynes will not change anything. He didn't do anything against me, it won't bring my loved ones back to life, it won't change the years of misery my people had to go through because of us. I can't even blame them, because the misery they are all in, is my family's fault."
"Every time my aunt felt hungry, thirsty, sick without treatment, or was mistreated, I knew it in my bones that it was my fault, the only person I have left, currently the one I love most, was suffering because of me. How could I be selfish and wish for a shallow revenge, when she's been through so much shit because of me? She could have abandoned me, our people would told her countless times to do that, but she remained standing for me, she forsaken her past 7 years to take care of me."
"So, I cannot be weak, I cannot let my mind wander in revenge, be it charming or not, I can't," I looked at him again. "Even after all she went through because of me, she still has faith in me, she believes in me, every-body else called me mentally ill, crazy, mad, wicked, but she believed in me, she has faith in me, she trusts me. Me, above anyone else. How could I not put her first? How could I not prioritize doing my all to give her the best life I can possibly manage? How could I think of me, when she never did that, and always put me first? I can't."
"She is all I have," I smiled sadly, "this game took everything else from me, she's all I have, so, I have to give my all for her. Even if my people doesn't believe in me, even if they loath me and wish for my death, I will fight to give them a better life, not for them, but for her. And even if I don't get revenge on them, I will never forget how they treated me, my family, and my aunt. For them it's easy to say, to judge, to curse us for it, opposite to almost all areas, none of them ever had to play this game."
"None of them have ever been chosen, only my bloodline, only us. They never had to watch any of their loved ones fighting to death, they had to watch mine. They watched my aunt, my father, my brother, my mother, and now they will watch me, it's comfortable to them, it's better judge me than make use of empathy, which they probably have no idea what it is, and put themselves in my place. Why would they see the point of view of a girl who's been cursed by the Goddess Mallory from birth?"
"So, no, Severin, I never kissed before the train, I never hugged, I never held hands, I never dated, I never had a crush, I never had sex, and I am a virgin, not because I am unbearable to be near, but because I am part of my bloodline, because I am a Mathiasen. They never met me, they might not even know my name, they only know me as the Mathiasen girl, they never even talked to me to be able to know that I'm annoying, they turned their back on and ignored me the few times I tried to talk to them."
"That's why I wasn't scared of coming here, because I know that I will do well, and even if I don't, I'll be able to live a little, be called Lovise or Love, and not just Mathiasen, I will be able to show who I am, instead of being solely judged for being a Mathiasen."