Ai felt like she were experiencing her life at five-times the speed and simultaneously being thrown out of existence; she was not aware that she had fallen to her knees, on the hard stone floor of the garden behind Koto. She was trying to breathe, trying to remember the feel of the breeze against her skin, the trickle of a raindrop down the back of her neck but she could no longer feel the world as she once knew it.
In her mind, she was stood amidst a swirl of colours and noise and memories. One moment she was back in Gaara's arms, suddenly being pulled away from him, the next she was a weeping child running after Kai as he left her on the doorstep of the Tea House. Her consciousness was being torn apart, scenes were being stripped down around her and rebuilt within seconds, her heart being ripped to shreds by the overwhelming waterfall of grief-stricken experiences she was being forced to relive. Somewhere, deep down in the depths of her mind she could still feel the hard stone of the courtyard beneath her fingertips, but every time she tried to brush a finger against the floor in an attempt to remain in control, she found that, from whatever memory she was in, she was swept off her feet and into another one.
"You were in love with me from the moment we met," Ai turned at the sound of Gaara's voice. There he stood, calm, a small smirk on his face, unaffected by the swirling chaos of colours and noises around them. Ai stumbled as someone pushed past her; a version of herself, carefree and smiling, walked past her swiftly and threw her arms around Gaara's neck. He smiled at her sweetly, catching her eyes with his, holding her there in a moment the girl would remember forever.
"And you were in love with me in all your lives before this one," she teased him. Ai closed her eyes tightly to shut out the image of one of her happiest moments, she put her hands on her ears to stop herself from hearing her own giggles as Gaara began to kiss her.
"Ah!" She winced at the sound of herself gasping in delight at the touch of Gaara's hand; there was no escape.
"Ai," she opened her eyes and turned to see Kai looking at her grimly.
"I have to leave-"
"Not again, not again! You promised you would take me with you!" Ai fell to her knees. Tears streamed down her face as a version of her, barely seven years old, stood crying beside her. The sound of the little girl's wails echoed in Ai's head. On her knees, Ai took in the small pink ribbon that tied the girl's hair in a ponytail, the smart, bright eyes that shone with tears. The older girl raised a shaking hand and placed it against the child's face. With a start, the little girl turned to her as though just realising she was there.
"You are not alone," the courtesan whispered.
"We are always alone!" The child protested, making Ai's blue eyes widen in shock. "They always leave," the little girl said grimly, "they take what they want and they leave. And you let them!" Ai gasped as the child's face contorted with grief and anger.
"No," Ai dropped her hand from the girl's face and stood suddenly, shaking her head. "That's not true."
"Of course it is," Prince Nobutara emerged from behind the little girl and put a hand on her head affectionately. "You are no more than a courtesan after all; what use is there for you after the nighttime ends?" He smiled maliciously, sneering at her, his dark blue eyes shining with disdain.
"I was someone's daughter," Ai protested weakly, trying to give her existence some value.
"And I did not care for you." She jumped as Kai emerged from the darkness to join ranks with Nobutara. "Of course it was easy to leave you; leaving you behind was the best thing I ever did."
"You don't mean that," the girl gasped, "I was someone important."
"Was?" The prince asked her quietly.
"I was the girl who taught Sabaku no Gaara to love-"
"Do you really believe that?" Ai stopped, stock still as she heard Gaara speak from behind her. She turned to him, her black skirt scraping the floor as she did so. The Kazekage stood in his red cloak, gourd strapped to his back, with his arms folded. His face was serene as though he did not care for the tears that rolled down her cheeks. Ai found she could not answer him; her heart, heavy and fit to burst, had seized up in her throat. Instead, she walked up to him and put her hands on his shoulders, feeling the fabric of his cloak, gripping onto the muscle beneath the material. She smoothed her hands up to his face and placed them gently either side of his face. Her eyes softened as she took in the sight of him, a small smile of grief cracked across her lips, as though she were sure he was going to start laughing, to tell her he was joking. But he did not laugh, he barely even glanced at her. Ai cleared her throat.
"Our love is a thing of legend." Gaara scoffed as she said this.
"Legends are for those keen on living in fantasies." He replied.
"You were everything to me," she gasped as he jerked his face away from her hands and walked to join the others. "You were my world," Ai said quietly as she turned to look at the small group before her.
"And you were a distraction from work," Gaara retorted as Ai shook her head, wanting to hear no more. "I meant what I said: women of sit are not fit to wander the same halls as Kage." Ai closed her eyes, praying for this torture to end. Her prayers were answered as she opened her eyes and saw the group begin to fade away to darkness. Her eyes did not leave his face; handsome, glowing, the only thing she ever truly wanted. Did he really think those things? Did he somehow hate her?
The world around her changed, the scenery around her lit up and gave her the familiar view of the courtyard. Sound returned to normal, she could hear the rain, she could smell the mossy grass on the rocks. For a few moments she thought she had been released from the curse of the sharingan but slowly she realised she could not actually feel the rain against her skin. As though the raindrops had been told to dodge her, she stood completely dry and unaffected by the gentle storm.
"Ah!" She gasped and took a step back as she found she was looking down at herself, lying on the stone floor, gasping for air, unable to move, unable to speak. The raindrops were falling into her eyes but Ai appeared to be paralysed; she lay, shaking against the cold stone. "Ah!" Ai gasped again as a figure emerged beside her. It was the man on the roof; he had dark, unforgiving eyes, long dark hair and an eerily still gaze. His presence chilled Ai, made her unable to move without the use of his ocular powers.
"Do not fear me, utsukushii (pretty one). I am your servant." He bowed to her, the ends of his cloak becoming wet as they licked the floor. But Ai was held in fear; like the figure of herself lying on the floor, she found she could not move. The man looked up at her again and Ai took in his face properly; she knew who he was, she had studied his clan before. The blue eyed girl gulped as she realised what he was capable of. "Goddess," it shocked Ai, the delicate, pleading tone he used, "I've looked for you in every star. I searched beneath clouds of ocean and between the moonbeams. I have lived life between the shadows of the two I have loved; chasing after you and being chased by him." The girl had no idea what he was talking about, she shook her head, trying to get her body to move, to say something, anything! "You are truly as lovely as is written," he smiled softly at her but Ai finally found her voice.
"What is it you are after, stranger?" She asked in the most commanding voice she could find.
"Tell me you know me, beautiful one?" He pleaded. Ai nodded slowly.
"Uchiha Itachi," she responded, "the fallen ninja."
"Fallen," as he smiled a little, Ai found her eyes were caught on the curve of his lips. "For you." Ai did not want to respond to him, to ask him what he meant.
"What is it you are after, Uchiha?" She repeated.
"Tell me," Ai gasped as he fell to his knees and took her hands in his, "tell me I'm forgiven," he begged her. "Even though we will meet at the gates within before the day ends, I had to ask you in this world, the one I have often forsaken. Am I forgiven, Renai?" Ai could not tear her eyes away from him, she could barely blink. The man with long dark hair looked at her as though she were the answer to every question in the universe, even those left unuttered.
"I- I don't know what forgiveness it is you seek!" Ai tried to speak but stumbled over her worlds; who was she to possibly forgive this man for his sins? "I do not know you, stranger." Again, that small smile he gave her that sent a shiver up her spine.
"Of course you do not know me in this life," he whispered. "All will become clear in the future, beautiful one. When the others come looking for you." He released her hands and stood once more.
"Others?"
"Akatsuki. Shinobi. Men of this world," but as he spoke, Ai's brow furrowed; what on Earth would the Akatsuki want with her?
"Why?" She asked him.
"You will see."
"What if I do not care for the-?" Before Ai had a chance to finish, the Uchiha was suddenly in her face, his eyes red and menacing, a look of anger etched in his features.
"I started a war for you, Renai!" He shouted at her but Ai took a step back and shook her head, almost pleading with him to help her understand.
"I do not understand!" She shouted back with equal frustration but this seemed endearing to the man who smiled at her softly, his eyes returned to their dark hue. He put a finger beneath her chin and tilted her face towards him. The dancer's eyes widened in surprise as he placed a delicate kiss on her forehead.
"I wait for you at the gates." He whispered to her. "I am truly sorry." Ai frowned, what was he sorry about? But, as his eyes turned red once more, the girl suddenly understood what he was going to do.
"No, no, please," she begged him, grabbing his hand as he lowered it from her face. "Please do not put me back there." Genuine regret crossed the man's face as he merely tugged his arm from her grasp.
"It is for your own good," he informed her before turning away. "You will be safer with him." The stranger began to walk back towards Koto, the vision of the garden began to fade and give way to that familiar and foreboding chaos of colour.
"With who?" Ai shouted after him as the Uhciha's figure began to fade away too. "Please-!" But the girl suddenly found herself swept back into that world of harsh and cold memories, of bitter and evil characters. Her screams were heard with blood-curdling shock by all those in the House.
***
The Kazekage had only spoken of marriage once in his life and it was with the girl he thought he may one day choose to spend the rest of his days with. A month following his revival and return as Kazekage to his village, he had been studying in the middle of the night, for he was still unaccustomed to sleep. That evening he was working on a trade issue; the water supply in his village would run low over the driest seasons and he had to ensure adequate water levels were maintained throughout the village. However, when the issue had been brought to his attention earlier that day, it had been done so by a girl who was newly married and worried that she would not have enough water for her household.
The conversation with this girl stuck out clearly in Gaara's head for she kept using words he had never used before. The word 'husband' was one of them. What did it mean to be someone's 'husband'? She clearly cared a great deal for her partner for he seemed to be the motivation of all her actions. She was only asking for water in order to quench his thirst, to see his clothes were washed, to be able to boil vegetables for his dinner. Was a husband the most important thing to a girl? What was that relationship like? How is it different to his ties with Ai? And the girl was someone's wife. What did she mean to her partner? How was she any different to the girl the Kazekage was in love with?
It started with marriage, he assumed. If he understood what marriage was, then surely the roles and the relationship between a husband and a wife would become clearer. But what did it mean to be married? The young and naive Kazekage, new to love, new to relationships, found this a most distressing question.
As he pondered over it, by candlelight at the desk in his room, his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone approaching. Ai woke up in the middle of every night to see him; at 4AM exactly she would find him sat at his desk, reading through a report and would offer him company. Nights before this ritual had been lonely for Gaara; with only Shukaku for company, he had started to hate his cursed, sleepless life. But, since returning, he always looked forward to Ai greeting him with that sweet smile in the middle of the night.
In the glow of the candlelight she emerged, in her white robe, her hair still an unruly mess of waves following their love making that evening. She smiled at him broadly as she approached the Kazekage, sat in his blue robe and dark trousers. His robe was open giving a view of his well defined physique. The girl pushed a lock of black hair behind her ear as she came around his desk and leant down to kiss him. As she pushed her lips, soft and plump, up to his, both smiled. She pulled away from him and sat, leaning against his desk, eyeing up the report he was reading. Ai often offered council and solutions to whatever village problem was being discussed. She was trained, after all, in politics and economics; she knew better than Gaara how to handle the village.
"What is it tonight?" She asked, tilting her head to read the report.
"Water supplies to the Western sector." He said softly but there were other thoughts in his head; while Ai stared down at his desk, he stared up at her. "What do you think of marriage?" He asked suddenly, causing Ai to look at him in surprise. She shrugged and walked around his desk so she could take a seat opposite him.
"Marriage?" She smiled softly, "it's a curse word in my world. Such that if it applies to you you are cursed!" The girl laughed a little. In the courtesan world, girls were raised with the idea of marriage being a bad thing, a restrictive, troublesome measure. It acted as a safeguard to prevent the girls from wanting to marry and leaving their profession, more than that, it helped them justify or even feel proud of their work that they were not tied to the convention of marriage. As Ai and Gaara sat opposite each other, either side of the Kazekage's desk, both in their night robes, they realised that there was one subject in which neither of them was versed. Gaara raised an eyebrow at her; to him Ai was a sweet, gentle person who he thought would be able to shed light on the idea of marriage, but it seemed she was averse to the subject.
"Why?" He asked, trying to hide his surprise when Ai shrugged.
"It means a lack of freedom, it means heartache."
"Why?" He asked again and it seemed that there was something in his tone that caught her attention. At first Gaara had asked out of curiosity, this time there was a little fire behind his questioning as though he were annoyed by her answers. The courtesan sat a little straighter, pushed her hair to one side of her neck and appraised him properly.
"Because you are tied to another by law-"
"But you are tied to another when in love," Gaara reminded her, "heartbreak lies in love also."
"True," she said before he barely finished his sentence. "But love is the thing in the soul that ties you, marriage is the thing that ties men's little fingers to their wives blouses. It is what keeps faithful women in heartache while their partners ogle at us in the nighttime."
"Kai writes that marriage is your announcement to the world that you are in love," the Kazekage said sternly, glancing into the big blue eyes of his first love, trying to see if she was really against or simply naive of marriage. "Renai and Senso married as soon as they were able-"
"In secret-" Ai corrected him.
"So that no one could contest their union." Gaara concluded what had turned into a small spat by just the way he spoke. The Kazekage oozed authority, it was in his blood, something charismatic and overpowering that had even been there when he was a child. He could silence anyone with his tone alone.
Ai, hearing that he was offended or upset by her response, softened her stare. Gaara was asking after something he knew little of, but she was equally inexperienced. It may have been somewhere in her fate, to fall in love, many courtesans do, but it was never in her mind to marry. She smiled at him sweetly; the fool, he knew absolutely nothing of the world! She stood and walked over to him, the glow of her white silk robe giving her a silvery aura. The Kazekage pushed back his chair and welcomed her into his embrace. Placing a leg either side of his figure to straddle him, Ai fell into his lap and kissed him gently.
"Kazekage," she said softly, "what are you so lost in?" Her eyes skimmed his face, trying to read the frown, the biting of his lip, the worry in his stare. "Why all this sudden talk of marriage?"
"I want to understand it." He replied as she sighed in response.
"You are asking the wrong girl." For some reason, this reply from Ai irritated Gaara. She was supposed to be his guide. She was supposed to love him, surely marriage, something some consider the final stage of a relationship, should be of value to her?
"Yes," Gaara said sternly. "It seems that way." The Kazekage looked away from her, his red hair falling into his eyes as he refused to look at her. Ai was offended by his snappy response.
"So then," she said, standing once more and walking away, "should I play matchmaker and find you a bride that understands what is means to be a wife?" Upon reaching his bookshelf she turned back to him. "What kind of bride would you like, Prince?" Ai asked, folding her arms. Seeing her face, Gaara shook hair from his eyes and sighed; he did not think the conversation would go this way.
"One like you," he replied.
"So a beauty?"
"No, I said one like you," he smirked.
"Ah!" Ai gasped in exaggerated offence before crossing her arms and turning away from him in a huff, causing Gaara to rise from his desk and walk up to her.
"She must be exactly this vain," he said from behind her, "to gasp at the insult of being considered unattractive. But with pride adequate in measure so that," he put a finger beneath her chin and pulled a little to make Ai face him, "when I turn her head to me to apologise," he watched her intently until she eventually smiled at him, "she smiles just like that." Her eyes found his; those opal eyes were so full of love for her.
"What else do you want of a wife like me?" She asked, pushing his hand away from her chin affectionately.
"She must be sweet and seductive, have the charm to pull off both traits at the same time using only her eyes." Gaara answered as Ai smirked.
"You will never find anyone as talented as I."
"Then, I suppose, it has to be you," he whispered as he placed a soft kiss on her bottom lip. In the candlelight of the Kazekage's bedroom, he, stood in a robe of royal blue and she, stood in a thin white silk, smiled at one another in the way young lovers do. Ai fluttered her eyelashes up at him and pouted.
"Is this a proposal?" She asked.
"If it was, what would your answer be?" Gaara asked seriously.
"That depends," the girl smirked and walked away from him.
"On what?"
"On what you will be like as a husband." She grinned teasingly at him.
"What is it you are after?" The man asked as Ai sat on his desk and considered him for a moment.
"Loyalty, respect, honesty," she began with a smirk, "fierceness, fidelity, friendship," her smirk became a sincere smile until, suddenly, it vanished. "A promise that you would never abandon me," she said quickly. Gaara walked up to her and pulled her by her waist to the edge of the desk.
"Abandon you?" He shook his head, "Love, I waited for you my whole life; I would never leave your side," they smiled. "So, Ai, would you marry me?" She had smirked at him in a manner that stirred the bloodlust. He never received an answer from her for only moments after that he had her writhing for mercy on his desk.
Thinking about it now, as he sat at the Kazekage's dining table, awaiting the Princess, the Kazekage realised he had truly no idea what Ai's answer would have been. Would she have married him? Even if years passed with no notion of union mentioned? Would she eventually have said yes? Would she have been the woman to give him children? Why was she so hard to read when it came to the future? It was as though, all along, she knew she was waiting for another fate, for something more to happen. Perhaps it was not in their destiny to be together, perhaps it was in their destiny to meet other people?
"Kazekage?" The man was brought out of his reverie as the Princess spoke his name out into the silence of the dining room. He stood immediately and gestured to the seat next to him.
"Please," he said as he looked up at her, "sit, Taki." The girl, her blonde girls shining in the sunlight, had the lost look of someone who had been given bad news. She bit her pale pink lips and proceeded to sit beside Gaara who lowered himself into his chair at the head of the table. Taki had refused to meet the Kazekage for breakfast, she had gone to speak with her guardian at the Palace of Sunagakure and she had advised the princess not to cast off any relationship with the Kazekage on a whim. It was better to speak about these things. So, gathering courage, Taki finally looked Gaara in the eye, ready to say something. "Forgive my deception, your highness," he said in a diplomatic tone, "I am not the most competent at handling other people's emotions." Taki had her head bowed but kept her light eyes on him.
Gaara was more handsome than she was beautiful, he was more charismatic, had greater presence, held an audience captive better than the princess ever could. He was like Ai. That girl was beautiful, people were drawn to her, she was a leader without being told she was. Taki was not like either of them. But, she was besotted with the Kazekage. She could not help the childish, schoolgirl crush she had developed on the man; she would blush when he said her name and attempt to conceal smiles whenever he looked at her.
"I understand you must have questions," the Kazekage said gently, noticing her stony silence. "What is it you want, Princess?" The girl frowned before looking at him directly.
"Honesty." She said bluntly. Gaara liked this part of Taki's personality; she herself was very honest. She did not speak in riddles and, as much as he loved Ai's poetry, it was better to have someone who was direct around him. He learnt from Taki to be bolder in what he asked for, so hearing her command him like that, gave him a small smile.
"Honestly," Gaara responded, calling with a hand the servant to pour tea, "I know nothing of relationships, any kind of relationship be it between a man and a woman, siblings, friends, I am a fool in all of it. I tread cautiously with everyone I know; I never get too close, never tell them the truth. But," he looked at her and found the fear in her grey eyes, the smell of jasmine tea began to fill their heads, "I admire your ability to be honest, I respect all that I have come to know of you. So I want to tell you the truth, with absolutely no idea of how it will affect our relationship-"
"That's okay," the princess said, causing Gaara to look at her in surprise. Her green dress made her eyes seem even lighter, even more innocent than they were before. "I want to know the truth," she said softly. Gaara found he could not look at her, not at someone so innocent whose heart he could break. He looked away.
"The truth is that I am broken, a shell of a man, hopelessly in love with the wrong woman," Taki tried very hard to swallow the lump that began to form in her throat. "I know your elders and my elders wish our relationship to flourish and end in a union. But you would forever be in Ai's shadow," while Gaara's eyes were averted, Taki blinked furiously to rid the tears in her eyes. "I feel as though I will forever be in love with her. That lamp," he gestured to the fireplace in the room where Taki saw an oil lantern burning, "will remain lit as a symbol of our love." Taki nodded slowly, trying to be understanding, trying to remember that he was naive in this area; he did not know how to break things to her gently. "I may grow to love you," the princess looked up in surprise, "fall completely, madly in love with you, marry you. But I will forever wonder what happened to that moonbeam?" The two looked at each other, the longing in the princess' eyes was evident, "That is the truth. If you wish to see me again then I would be grateful, you are a wonderful person and a good friend," Gaara's opal eyes lightened as he smiled at her, making her blush, "far better than an idiot like me deserves." Taki seemed to think for a moment before she smiled and looked up at him with a grin.
"I would like to be your friend, Kazekage."
***
There was a cold cup of jasmine tea sitting on an antique table by Ai's bed. The cup was made of clay, painted green with small pink flowers, a crack had formed at the bottom of the cup; a result of boiling water being poured into it every day. Jiraiya glanced at it grimly as Ruby walked passed him and picked up the cup, replacing it with a hot cup of tea. Jiraiya looked past her to see Ai lying in her bed, her blanket brought up over her chest which was rising and falling rapidly as though she were having difficulty breathing. Her brow was furrowed, she was muttering something under her breath, occasionally she screamed and Jiraiya had to soothe her as best he could while Ruby whispered a prayer in the corner.
It had been two days. Two days and Ai was still caught in a genjutsu; the cursed Sharingan had taken a hols of the young courtesan and was refusing to let her go. Even Jiraiya, with his expansive knowledge of ninjutsu, could do nothing to bring her out of the technique. They simply had to wait for it's hold to loosen on her. She had been visited by Uchiha Itachi, there was no doubt; her screams, the curse, it was all tell-tale signs of a powerful Uchiha. Jiraiya's hand clenched without him even being conscious of it; that damned Akatsuki was after two of his students. He had protected Naruto from them before but he had failed to protect Ai. How could he take pride as the guardian of a goddess when he could not even look after her?
"Ah!" Jiraiya jumped as Ai opened her eyes with a soft gasp. Her big blue eyes widened in shock before shutting suddenly at the influx of light for the first time in two days.
"Ai?" Jiraiya said softly, "Ruby!" He called the woman back into the room for she had taken the cold tea away. She ran back in immediately, dressed in a royal purple shade, to see Jiraiya stood by Ai's bed, looking at the girl with concern.
"Did she wake?" Ruby asked urgently.
"Y-" before Jiraiya could respond, Ai sat bolt upright, turned away from Jiraiya and threw up on the floor on the other side of the bed. Her stomach had been empty for two days, there was nothing to throw up so instead she retched violently as Ruby sat on the bed beside her and held her hair away from her face. Eventually, the girl was still and she lay back down on the bed gently. Her eyes, tired and stained red, took in the room as though she had never seen it before. Her eyes lingered on Ruby and Jiraiya.
"You were attacked," her teacher said softly. She nodded and attempted to sit up in order to talk, Ruby grabbed her arm to help her up and plumped her pillows up behind her. Ai sunk into the fluffy pillows gratefully as though she were physically exhausted.
"The Akatsuki," Ai said softly.
"Uchiha, Itachi," Jiraiya closed his eyes in frustration as Ai looked at him and nodded. "I'm sorry," he said suddenly, "I should have been there," he muttered and felt even worse when Ai smiled weakly.
"I think it is an indication that I need to learn to protect myself," Ai replied. A moment's silence passed. "He said someone would come looking for me," Jiraiya looked up suddenly as she said this.
"We knew they would."
"Yes," Ai nodded. "I did not realise it would be quite so soon," as she spoke, Ai had a million thoughts running through her head: "I do not know if it is best to hide or meet them without fear."
"Stay hidden until I return," Jiraiya had barely stood from Ai's bedside before the girl reached over with viper-like speed and grabbed a hold of his arm.
"Where are you going? Do not leave me!" She begged him. "I'm so frightened," she whispered as her big blue eyes filled with tears. Jiraiya took her arm away from his before bringing her into embrace.
"I was on my way to the Village of Rain to gather information on the Akatsuki. I only dropped in to see you-"
"Do not go, please!" Ai pleaded again.
"I cannot risk your or Naruto's safety any longer," Jiraiya informed her, looking down into her deep blue eyes. "Something must be done about this damned Akatsuki," he said swiftly before letting Ai lie back down. He picked up his bag and kissed Ruby goodbye. Ai tried not to look surprised as the two embraced like lovers; she had no idea that there was a romantic side to their relationship. They broke apart and Jiraiya walked to the door, once there he turned back to Ai. "Stay hidden until my return."
"What if you do not return?" Ai asked. At the door, Jiraiya looked over his shoulder to her, a broad, boyish grin painting his face.
"I promise to."