Dinner at the palace of Sungakure was a sight not many would have believed ten years ago. If you had told them Gaara would be sat at the head of the table as Kazekage or described the way a young princess sat beside him, looking at him as though infatuated, holding on to his every word, dying for his attention, they would have had you scolded for mendacity. No, not many could believe that Gaara had come so far, not many would believe that he could smile at a girl and not have her tremble with fear. The fact that his brother and sister sat at the table too, laughing, joking, telling the princess embarrassing tales from Gaara's youth, was as bizarre to Gaara as it was to anyone else.
That evening the four were sat eating in the Kazekage's dining room. The room was ornate and grand; gold backed chairs with deep red, velvet cushions and an oval dinging table. A large chandelier hung in the middle of the room, illuminating the delicate china plates, glass goblets of plum wine; it filled the room with a golden glow. This was where the Kazekage's family would entertain special guests and, in Temari's opinion, this guest was very special indeed.
Princess Taki sat in a pink dress, her cheeks flushed from the wine Kankuro had poured her. She had giggled like a young girl when the puppet master had poured her more than she dared drink. Temari eyed the princess with great affection for she liked the girl a great deal. She was simple and sweet, not overtly charming or alluring like Ai was. Taki kept quiet most of the time, gave Gaara a second to think where as Ai had come in swirling and twirling and throwing everything into chaos. If someone had told Temari and Kankuro to create the perfect match for Gaara, they would have created this princess. She never raised her voice, she soothed all ill-tempers; like her namesake, she came with the calming effect of a waterfall. And it seemed the princess had grown quite fond of their brother. She had stayed in the palace for a week now, that was longer than anyone was anticipating! Things were going well between the princess and the Kazekage.
Gaara had shown great strength, maturity and dignity in this last week; he had stopped drinking to excess, he had not fallen apart when Ai had left. Gaara had taken charge of things, grasped a hold of Taki's hand and valued her friendship. Temari was glad for it; Gaara seemed to really be finding his feet. Tonight, however, things felt a little different. It was in the way the Kazekage barely ate, it was in the way he barely spoke, barely drank, barely was there at all! His existence had faded to the background this evening and Temari knew there was only one thing that affected his mood so drastically.
"I hear preparations for the festival are going well, Temari-sama." Taki spoke in the princess-tone she had been trained to have since childhood. Temari looked over at the girl and smiled politely.
"Yes, your highness," Temari said, swallowing hurriedly, "all running smoothly," she smiled before frowning in remembrance. "Oh, that reminds me, Gaara, have you scheduled any missions for that evening?" Temari, Kankuro and Taki looked to the head of the table to find Gaara, his plate still full of food, his wine untouched, looking out of the window. A frown of concern etched on his handsome face. His eyes only flitted back to the table when he felt the weight of Taki's hand upon his own.
"It seems the Kazekage is distracted." He looked at her as she spoke softly, her grey eyes glittering as they caught a hold of him.
"I-," Gaara began to speak to her but suddenly turned his attention to his sister: "does it seem colder to you than usual?" Temari, who made a mental note to tell Gaara not to ignore his guests, frowned.
"Colder?" She asked, placing her chopsticks on the table to rest neatly on their holder.
"Yes," Gaara said abruptly "there's a breeze from the North." Gaara jumped a little as he felt Taki's thumb glide over his skin to stroke his hand. He looked over to her, unsure of where this sudden affection was coming from.
"Suddenly meteorology is more interesting than dinner with me, Kazekage?" She asked, her cheeks flushed pink. Gaara stole a glance at the chalice on the table in front of her and tried to hide a look of annoyance; the girl had had a little too much to drink.
"No," Gaara stated, staring down at their hands on the table, eyeing the way her fingers intertwined with his, the way her thumb dragged across his skin, "it's just-"
"Kazekage?" He was interrupted as his teacher burst through the doors and ran into the dining room. He approached the table, panting, waving a piece of paper in the air, cutting short the relaxing ambience created by the chandelier and smell of wine.
"Baki?" Kankuro spoke the shinobi's name so he would hurry with his message.
"A letter has arrived for you," Baki gasped.
"At this hour?" Temari muttered, glancing out of a window to see the darkening sky.
"It's from Koto," all three sand siblings seated at the table froze as Baki said this. Taki was the only one to have no reaction, she simply looked between Gaara and the older man uncomprehendingly. Temari was the first to recover. She stood from the table and held a hand out for the letter, Baki move towards her.
"Thank you, Ba-Gaara!" Temari shouted her bother's name as sand sped towards her and snatched the letter from their teacher's hand.
Sat cooly at the table, the only one not to look perturbed by what was happening, Gaara had loosened his hand from Taki's grip to move his sand and snatch the letter mid-air. His sand moved eerily through the room to bring the letter to him. As he opened it, he tried to hide any emotion that might have crossed his face.
But he could not prevent his heart from stopping. There, scribbled upon the parchment, was the familiar curve and style of Ai's penmanship. Suddenly, from being immobilised, his body was shocked into overdrive. His heart was beating faster in his chest, he was looking down at the letter but could barely understand the words in front of him. So many thoughts were running through his mind: why send a letter this late? Why state that it was of utmost importance so to disturb the Kazekage's family at this odd hour? Why write at all after swearing never to think of him again?Was she in trouble? Did she hate him? Did she still love him?
"Gaara?" Temari's voiced cleared Gaara's head so he could read what few lines his mind, now filled with adrenaline, could slow down to read:
Forgive the lateness of this letter, Kazekage….
"It's from Ai." He said, trying to stretch out the time he had with the letter so he could get his brain to work normally again.
Four days ago, Uchiha Itachi of the Akatsuki found me in Koto…
"Why would she write?" Kankuro asked.
I fear for the safety of the shinobi world….
"She was attacked by the Akatsuki." Gaara recited and, realising his hands were shaking, rested them against the table, pretending he was smoothing the letter down against the table to read it in better light.
I trust this information is best left in your hands, Kazekage…
"When?" Temari asked in alarm.
"Four days ago."
Yours,
Ariwara no Ai.
Gaara peered down at the word just above Ai's name. 'Yours". Did it mean anything to her anymore? Did she still belong to him at all? Turning the paper over in the hope that there would be more, Gaara was disappointed to find nothing.
So that was it. No declaration of affection, no mention of their night together. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, their relationship was nothing. They had agreed to end it that night. But now, Ai was in trouble. Her life was at risk. Could Gaara really put aside his feelings of lust and frustration and focus on the Akatsuki?
Dammit, Ai, the Kazekage thought, his hand clenching into a fist atop the dining table, his eyes trying desperately to skim the letter again. Every time I rid myself of you, you find some way to tumble back into my life and throw it all into chaos again.
Gaara knew he was taking too long with the letter; something needed to happen, he had to take action. This was trickier said than done; only Baki and his siblings knew of Ai's innocence so no one else would trust a letter from her. Gaara had to make a move, not only to save his first love but to protect his village; if Ai was right and it was the Akatsuki then the shinobi world had to move quickly. But if his council knew the reason he was acting so rashly was because of Ai, no one would believe him, he would lose standing and respect as the leader of his village.
"Gaara?" His elder brother asked uncertainly. The Kazekage looked back up at his siblings and stood suddenly.
"Baki, gather the elders, councilmen and high ranking shinobi in the council room," he ordered, Baki nodded and ran out of the room. The sand siblings fell in line and went to follow their teacher out of the dining room.
"Must this be tended to now?" All three turned back uncertainly to look at their forgotten dinner guest. Taki sat, looking at them with innocent eyes, her cheeks still pinched pink from the wine. Gaara was surprised that even he understood the look in her eye; she was fearful Gaara was so swift to move because it was Ai. After a week of being in the palace and choosing to stay even though Ai and Gaara's relationship was revealed to her, Taki's heart broke a little every time she saw Gaara's eyes light up at the sound of Ai's name. Taki needed to know she was important to him and, in truth, Gaara felt a little sorry for her. She pined after him, waited every day for his meetings to be done, called to him from the gardens whenever he stepped onto his balcony.
Gaara sighed and walked back towards Taki who bit her lip with apprehension; what would he possibly say to make her feel better? The Kazekage bent down to her and let his blue eyes lock with hers. Taki's face was so innocent, so pure, unlike anything Gaara was himself. Seeing the look in her eye, the look of longing and hurt, Gaara was struck with a sudden idea. There was one way to convince everyone that he wasn't acting to protect Ai. But could he do it? Could he manipulate someone like that?
"This is not about Ai, this is about the Akatsuki." He said softly to the princess who's bottom lip quivered. She didn't believe him, who would? Gaara took a breath. No, he was no longer a monster, he could no longer hurt those close to him just because it was in his nature…but the thought of living in a world where he could have protected Ai and failed to do so, was too distressing of a thought. So he made up his mind. He had to return to being a monster, just one more time, just one more lie. He leant forwards and kissed the princess softly.
"Ah!" A small gasp escaped someone in the room; all three were shocked by Gaara's actions.
"I will be with you for tea later." The Kazekage said, pulling away from the princess. Taki remained motionless, staring at Gaara as though his kiss had immobilised her.
Outside the room, Temari and Kankuro shared a knowing look behind Gaara who was strapping on his gourd, preparing for battle.
"Gaara," Kankuro spoke his brother's name uncertainly, "what was that about?" The puppet master jumped as Gaara turned to stare at him.
"What do you mean?" The Kazekage asked cooly.
"I mean Ai was out of your bedroom a week ago and now you're all over the princess?" His sister spoke bluntly but Gaara was giving nothing away.
"Yes," he said sternly, "is that unacceptable?" For the briefest of moments, Temari and Kankuro were struck by the menacing look in Gaara's eye. The pair stopped breathing for they realised they were in the presence of thirteen year old Gaara; that silent, blood-thirsty, vengeful, manipulative boy who could kill and smile at the same time. "Temari?" And just like that, the boy was gone. The Kazekage stood with innocent eyes, calling for his sister's kind words. But Temari was speechless; what had happened just a moment ago? Kankuro held his hands up in surrender.
"No, no," the man forced a smile, "it's," he looked for the right word, "surprising is all." Gaara nodded before his face became serious. He walked away from his siblings.
"We don't have time for this."
***
Hours later, the Kazekage was hunched over his desk, scribbling notes to teams of jounin, sending orders via hawks. It had been a testing evening for all in the village of Sand and was accompanied by another catastrophic event that shook the shinobi world at large. The news of the destruction of Konoha by a member of the Akatsuki, followed only minutes after Ai's letter. It seemed the band of fallen shinobi was moving quickly and in multiple teams, all eager to lay waste to what the Five Nations stood for.
Konoha was beyond repair, what little remained was spared due to Naruto's strength. Gaara pondered over this thought for a moment; both Naruto and Ai were targets, just as Gaara had been. And Gaara had lost his life in his encounter with the Akatsuki. Why had they spared Ai? Why did they approach her in the first place? Was it to get to Gaara? But they had Shukaku…what need was there to get close to the Kazekage? So many thoughts, so many worries, were tumbling around in the troubled man's mind.
"Damn," Gaara muttered as the lead of the pencil he was using snapped. He reached out and grabbed another to keep going. He was writing so quickly, so desperate to get to Naruto and Ai that he was rushing his work. Everything needed to be structured, Suna needed a clear plan of action but his mind was elsewhere. His council had been giving orders, asking for his guidance, waiting for his approval but Gaara could not appease them. He wanted to go to Ai, more than anything else he wanted to speak to her, to protect her, to beg her forgiveness for ever letting her leave his side. But he couldn't give so much of his intention away or else all she sacrificed would be in vain; if anyone knew Gaara was acting selfishly to save Ai then all missions to protect her would be called off and the focus would shift to Konoha completely.
"Ah!" He gasped as his wrist ached when he lowered his pencil to his desk. He turned to his window where hawks were waiting to carry messages for him. Usually a servant would be there to do this for him but the entire palace was in chaos as the village prepared to defend against any attacks, sent out troops to Konoha and assembled a special team to find Ai.
Once all the hawks had the messages tied to their legs, they flew away from the window. Gaara watched them all become dots floating above the horizon, hovering above the glittering lights of the village. He took a moment to breathe, a night breeze fluttered in through the window, ruffling his hair. Just as he closed his eyes, he heard the flutter of wings beside him. Opening his eyes, he saw one last hawk, dark feathers and menacing eyes, staring back at him, awaiting the final letter.
There was one last letter that needed sending. He needed to write to Ai, to inform her of the plans to rescue her. Turning back to his desk he stared at the blank sheet of paper placed there, waiting for him to assemble a jumble of words that would somehow make sense at the end of it all. Hunching over his desk once more he picked up the pencil and stopped.
Suddenly, without warning, as though floodgates had opened, a rush of emotion filled the Kazekage. Such a strange mix of anguish, helplessness, devotion and love filled his heart, seeped into his chest and ran through his veins. He sat in his chair and blinked furiously to rid himself of tears. All that was coming to him was the vision of Ai, the first time he had seen her.
All those months ago, almost a year in fact, she had entered the mirrored room in the Tea House dressed in a blush pink dress. Rubies and diamonds glittering around her, the sound of falling stars at her feet and before she even noticed him, Gaara was entranced by her. And that moment she finally did look at him, her big blue eyes lifted up to see him and she smiled as though she knew exactly what she was doing to him.
Love. Between the dark waves of her hair, her face shone like the moon in the night's sky. She had a cold, distant look about her, as though she were not from this world. It was a look that Gaara recognised and as soon as their eyes had locked he saw, reflected in her face, that same loneliness. He had wondered if she, this beautiful girl, had wandered through life, lonely like him, desperate for the feel of someone else. The boy, the forgotten monster asleep inside of him, felt a new side to this empty feeling; was it so empty if someone could share it with you?
He wanted to keep safe her dreams and hold her in his arms the moment he saw her. But Gaara, so stung from a childhood of neglect and adolescence of violence, could not articulate his feelings to this girl and pushed her away. But Ai was relentless. Thinking about it now, how she dared defy convention, the Palace, her own Tea House and of course, Gaara himself…it made him smile a little. Love was rebellious and charming, exactly how he dreamed of her.
Now, his smile faded at the thought of it, look where their love story had brought them. Either side of the Nation of Fire, the two longed for one another and bickered in their last meeting. They were both fools in love; one too naive and the other too stubborn…or was it the other way around? They were so similar; if one were the Earth, the other were the sky. If one were the moon, the other was the moonlight. Inseparable, indispensable and unthinkable without the other.
Finally, Gaara was able to voice his worries, his heart ache, his love. So he put pen to paper and wrote to Ai all the things he wished he could have said that night but did not know how. He wrote of how he hoped they would see one another again and talk about that night properly, with no bitterness, with no malice. At the end, he gave the girl instruction of when and where his team of highly trained shinobi would meet her and collect her from; somewhere on the outskirts of the Rain Village they would find her and bring her back to the palace. Bring her home.
When he was finished, the Kazekage turned back to the bird at the window and tied the letter to it's leg. The animal waited patiently, gracious almost, at the Kazekage's gentle handling of it's claws. Gaara was finishing attaching the letter when he jumped as his office door opened and his sand shot up behind him to shield him from something. Turning back to the door, ready for combat, Gaara almost shouted before he realised who had attacked him.
The sand had prevented an arrow from getting anywhere near him and, in his doorway stood the princess. What on Earth was she thinking?
"I missed again?" Gaara stared at her disbelievingly; the princess was a talented archer and often attacked the Kazekage when he was unawares in order to beat his ultimate defence. It was, of course, useless but Taki had taken a liking to at least making Gaara jump. The Kazekage stood straight, shaking off his combat pose before appraising the princess.
"Taki, the palace is in a state of emergency, I am extremely busy-"
"It's the middle of the night!"
"Then why are you awake!?" Taki was silenced instantly, the smirk wiped off her face, as the Kazekage raised his voice. Her bow hung limp in her hand as her eyes filled with tears; she clearly did not expect to be spoken to in such a manner. Gaara noticed the fire inside of her go out and he sighed before putting on a consoling smile. "Taki," he said, walking up to her slowly and, to her surprise, embracing her. "I am thinking of your safety. Please go to your room and stay with your guard." He spoke softly and, as they broke apart, leant down to kiss her. He placed a soft kiss on her bottom lip and watched as the colour in her cheeks rose and her eyes misted over.
"Okay," she said dreamily.
"I have to go, there is much to tend to at this hour," Gaara said abruptly, letting go of the princess and dropping her back to reality. She watched the sway of his red cloak as he walked back to the window.
"What's that?" She asked.
"A letter to Ai," Gaara said absentmindedly before making sure the letter was secure and letting the bird out of the window. It took flight.
"Kazekage!" Someone called for Gaara from somewhere in the palace.
"I must go, goodnight princess." Gaara said before exiting the office swiftly, barely looking at her.
"Goodni…" But Taki could barely finish the word; Gaara had already vanished from sight.
So much had changed in the space of a few hours; she had gone from pining after this boy and receiving nothing in return, to suddenly having him kiss her twice in a matter of hours! She began to walk to the window and let out a long sigh. The princess was naive, she was innocent to matters of the heart and to the ways of men's minds, but it did not make her a fool. She could feel his lust for someone else whenever she touched him. In his kiss, he held something back, as though he was not ready to give all of himself up to her. She reached the window. There, above the village, the hawk was swerving clouds and stars to find its way to Ai.
The princess opened the window, removed an arrow from her quiver, eyeing the bird on the horizon. She remembered the last words her teacher left her with:
Fools are those who love in vain, but greater are the fools who love to the destruction of themselves.
The princess took aim.
***
"It's been four days, Ai," Ruby said as she sat on the courtesan's bed. Lena sat beside her, both dressed in yellow as was tradition the day before the festival. They both watched Ai as she paced in front of her balcony, awaiting a message, a sign, anything from the Kazekage!
"He will write!" She said impatiently, eyeing Ruby with a mixture of distaste and embarrassment.
"It has been a week since Jiraiya left," Lena reminded her, causing Ai to take a deep breath in in exasperation.
"Do you two not have work to do for the festival? Must you sit here and voice my worries?" The blue eyed beauty brushed hair away from her face and caught a glimpse of their faces; both women looked skeptical. "The Kazekage will write!" Ai reinforced although she did not sound confident; it was unlike Gaara to ignore an urgent message that contained information regarding the safety of the shinobi world…then why had he let four days pass with no word to her? "And Jiraiya," Ai began, trying to rid herself of thoughts of Gaara, "Jiraiya will return. He promised."
"How do you know the Kazekage will write?" Lena asked, swinging her legs absentmindedly, twiddling a blonde curl between her fingers.
"Because," Ai turned to her, her yellow dress dragging along the floor, the bell sleeves falling to the floor with the look of angel wings, "because he loves me."
"But you said you fought the last time you met, cursed each other and vowed silence?" Ruby reminded her.
"I know but none of that matters!" Lena and Ruby exchanged a look; Ai was particularly out of character today. She was nervous, shaking, barely eating; the girl was anxious to the point of paranoia. Ai walked to the window and looked out onto the courtyards. For some reason the rain always soothed Ai; it's gentle pitter-patter, the coldness, the fact that it washed away the dirt and revealed what might have been forgotten underneath. Staring at the raindrops that caught the window pane and drizzled down to the stones beneath gave Ai a moment of sincere contemplation. "Each raindrop has our names encapsulated," she whispered. "If you took dirt from beneath a temple you would find our names written there too. In the stars, in the air, we exist just the two of us. If you called my name from atop a mountain, his name would echo back. Can't you understand?" She turned back to the two on her bed. "The universe is filled with our love. He will write," her voice broke and suddenly Ai was kneeling on the floor by the window. Lena ran over and dried her eyes as unwelcome tears escaped them.
"Ai, please don't cry. The medical ninja said not to exert yourself emotionally!" Lena tried to console her but the reality of the situation was making Ai's world crumble down around her. The dark haired girl looked at her friend.
"Why hasn't he written?" She asked Lena who was speechless, unable to appease her.
"Ai," Ruby came down to kneel on the floor beside her, "men are all fools." Lena and Ai looked at the owner of Koto as though she were about to go on and say more. "No, that's it," she informed them, earning a snort of laughter from Lena and a weak smile from Ai.
"Ruby-sama!" All three women, holding each other in awkward embrace on the floor, looked up as a boy ran in to Ai's room. Ruby stood, her smile fading as she caught the look on the boy's face. The room fell silent.
"Say it," Ruby said sternly. Ai, having no idea what Ruby was talking about, stood to get a better glimpse of the boy. It was a messenger from the centre of town.
"Is it from the Kaze-?" But Ai was stopped short as the boy held up a red waistcoat, tattered and torn, barely there. "Ah!" Ai gasped and put a hand to her mouth, she knew who it belonged to.
"See?" Ruby said to her softly, "they are all fools." Ruby walked shakily to the door and took the waistcoat from the boy. A book fell out of the folds of the material and the boy's reflexes were fast enough; he grabbed the book as it tumbled to the floor before he held it out to Ai.
Not feeling as though her body were her own, Ai walked towards him and took the book. She looked down at the cover but could barely read it; her vision was swimming, her eyes were hot and red. She could just about see the title:
The Sky and the Moon
Jiraiya
"Ai?" Lena called her name but it seemed far away. "What is it?"
"Jiraiya is dead," Ai could barely believe the words coming out of her mouth. Upon hearing her statement, Ruby left the room, wiping her eyes on Jiraiya's waistcoat.
"Ai?" Lena called again but the girl was not listening. "What are you doing?" Lena asked as her fellow dancer let the book fall from her hands to the floor. Ai picked up her dress and walked to her cupboard, from there she removed a small white packet.
"He said stay hidden until I return," Ai quoted, removing from the packet two silver anklets, diamonds glittering and twinkling, eager to be warn. "Well now he won't return and Gaara is silent. So I will no longer stay hidden."
"What will you do?" As Lena asked this, Ai sat on the marble floor and placed the anklets on her feet. Upon standing Ai gasped, a shockwave seemed to pass through her, through the Earth when she took her first step with these anklets on. She felt lighter, freer, happier even.
"I will dance at the festival tomorrow night."
That night, the shockwave was not felt by Ai alone. Deep in the forests lining Konoha, a group of cloaked and hooded figures came to a stop when one of them signalled. Turning away from the group this figure removed her hood and glanced in the direction of Koto which stood amongst the dreary stone and cold rain, hundreds of miles away. The girl pushed her glasses further up her nose and pushed a straying strand of red hair from her face.
"Karin?" A man called her name, "what is it?" But the girl's eyes misted over as though she had never quite seen anything like it. She opened her mouth but could only whisper her thoughts:
"Made of pure light."