To size each other up, the first question little cats flat-pawedly ask
each other is, "And what do you do? Hmm?" Then they crouch
there, quivering their whiskers and twitching their noses, with an
obvious "I'm going to pronounce silent judgment on you after you
answer" look on their pusses.
Big cats never ask outright, "What do you do?" (Oh they find
out, all right, in a much more subtle manner.) By not asking the
question, the big boys and big girls come across as more principled, even spiritual. "After all," their silence says, "a man or woman
is far more than his or her job."
Resisting the tempting question also shows their sensitivity.
With so much downsizing, rightsizing, and capsizing of corporations these days, the blunt interrogation evokes uneasiness. The
job question is not just unpleasant for those who are "between
engagements." I have several gainfully employed friends who hate
being asked, "And what do you do?" (One of these folks cuts
cadavers for autopsies, the other is an IRS collection agent.)
Additionally, millions of talented and accomplished women
have chosen to devote themselves to motherhood. When the cruel
corporate question is thrust at them, they feel guilty. The rude
interrogation belittles their commitment to their families. No mat95
How to Find Out What
They Do (Without
Even Asking!)
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Copyright 2003 by Leil Lowndes. Click Here for Terms of Use.
ter how the women answer, they fear the asker is only going to
hear a humble "I'm just a housewife."
Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, "What do you do?"
for another reason: their abstinence from the question leads listeners to believe that they are in the habit of soaring with a highflying crowd. Recently I attended a posh party on Easy Street. (I
suspect they invited me as their token working-class person.) I
noticed no one was asking anyone what they did—because these
swells didn't do anything. Oh, some might have a ticker tape on
the bed table of their mansion to track investments. But they definitely did not work for a living.
The final benefit to not asking, "What do you do?" is it throws
people off guard. It convinces them you are enjoying their company for who they are, not for any crass networking reason.