The streets are filled with colorful lights in all shapes and sizes, with dragons and phoenixes twining toward the heavens, peacocks with their tails on full display, and Mandarin ducks positioned lovingly in pairs as pedestrians gaze in wonder at all the beautiful creations on display. The scene exudes a lively and festive atmosphere.
Pravat eyes the crowd as he walks down the street, noticing how they laugh and joke around. The houses are lined with red and yellow decorations, snack booths are all over the plaza, and people are dancing and chatting. He is fascinated by the array of instruments he's never seen before, listening to a show of traditional music that he hasn't had the chance to hear often. It's a relief that it's not the song of 'The Prides of Music'.
Smiling, he moves away with only one thought in mind. He doesn't want anyone around him when he expresses some of his feelings, as it's difficult to describe when his feelings wander between hate and love. After barely half an hour, he reaches the location he has in mind and stares at the building in front of him.
His heart thuds loudly in his chest as he hears the soft crunch of gravel, the scrape of his shoes on cement, and the light rattle of chains that tangle him with old memories. It has been a while since he has been here, so he likes to visit for a bit of nostalgia.
His eyes take in the view of a simple grass field, the clear residue of a sports field that once stood nearby. A few trees surround them, rustling softly in the breeze, and behind them stands a school that is no longer in use. His old school! From where it all started, Tiwa's beautiful smile lit up his whole world. From where the lone star found its soulmate. Is it true?
Sitting on the grass, Pravat recalls the moments and enjoys the light breeze that is carried by the warm spring. Everything started at this spot, so each memory is held dear to his heart. Sometimes it angers him, and sometimes it worries him, but no matter what, he knows what he feels deep inside his heart. Otherwise, he would die right then and there.
Sighing, he takes his phone out and calls Tiwa while glancing up at the night sky, which twinkles with stars. The moon is up, so bright and low that it looks like anyone can reach up and touch it. It's nearly a perfect time to light the lantern and let it fly through the sky. Tapping his foot on the ground, he waits for Tiwa to pick up his call, but Tiwa ignores him several times. Not wanting to give up, Pravat keeps trying until Tiwa finally answers.
A small smile forms on Pravat's lips as he listens to the long silence on the other side, understanding that Tiwa is patiently waiting to hear him. Taking a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking, he knows exactly what he wants to say. "You are there. I'm here. Why aren't we together?" He finally asks, the words flowing from his heart.
The silence stretches on for what feels like an eternity, until Tiwa snaps back to reality and asks, "What do you want?"
Pravat watches the lanterns from where he sits and realizes the great fortune. It truly looks like stars in the sky from the school. The light of the lanterns reflects down into the fountain, which contains stagnant water and makes it almost glow. It is truly magic. Wandering in his own world, he whispers better than he can hope. "This alpha to take eternal rest; a little space on your chest is enough."
He hears muffling on the other side before the call gets disconnected, hitching the breath in his throat when he realizes a lot is going on in Tiwa's head. He tries to call him again, wanting to fulfill the wish for his appearance at school, but decides against it when his heart tells him that it's not the right time.
He heaves a sigh as he pulls out the lantern he has secretly made for this moment and sets fire to the wick, allowing it to inflate and float away. The plan, so far, is not going well, but his heart thumps in his chest rapidly as the lantern drifts into the darkening night. His eyes are glued to the picture portrayed on it, while he yearns for one sweetness submerged in honey and the rest of the sweetness submerged in pain. Will he be waiting for this unsaid love for Tiwa?
***
Tears form in Tiwa's eyes as he grips the phone tightly, wishing to disappear into thin air. He realizes the reason for Pravat's calling after seeing him a couple of days ago. He can understand Pravat's heart, even though they are apart. He wants to stay with him at this moment, just like Pravat wishes, and they hover over the fire with their faces close to one another as they slowly lift the lantern and set the candle ablaze. Because Pravat wishes to be with him for now, it is love, not revenge.
Even though Tiwa is aware of Pravat's desire, he is unable to fulfill it due to his self-imposed cage of reimbursement and dedication. Frustrated, he hits the pillow and covers his mouth with a blanket to stifle his emotions while still on the phone. Not wanting to cause concern for Pravat, he ends the call and puts the phone aside.
His heart is whimpering in pain, but he wipes his tears away when he hears footsteps outside the door. Taking deep breaths, he calms himself down and adjusts the blanket. Somehow, he prepares himself for everything. His eyes glance up when his siblings enter his room with huge smiles on their lips. But it doesn't last long; the smile fades as soon as they see him.
Confused, they exchange glances before deciding to step someone up. Achara is the one who is. She approaches Tiwa with a concerned expression and takes a seat beside him, intertwining their fingers. "Tiwa! You're aware that the lantern festival is happening today, but…" Her words falter as he squeezes her hand and shakes his head.
Tiwa stares down at their hands and takes a shallow breath, then another. "I feel sick," he mutters.
"Why did you not tell me earlier?" She asks, attempting to move her hand to put it on his forehead and feel the temperature, but he grabs her hand immediately and prevents her from doing it.
He finds a smile somewhere and pastes it on, looking up at her. "Not to worry about me, sister," he manages to say. "I'll be all right." He takes a somewhat deeper breath. "Please go and celebrate the lantern festival with your father, mother, and brother, and be happy."
"No need," Jaran groans and looks away.
Tiwa turns his gaze at Jaran and pleads with him. "Please, brother. Don't be stubborn. You know I'm a weak omega. I need to be strong and cheerful when we leave tomorrow, so let me be stress-free, please. Okay, I'm coming." He puts all his effort into convincing him, but it fails, so he forces himself to get up and falls immediately with purpose. "Aah!" He winces and holds his siblings' hands when they help him up.
Leaning against the headboard, he looks at them and tries to explain once more. "I want to go with you, but my body just won't cooperate. I'll stay here and rest; maybe catch up on some sleep. I don't want you to miss out on celebrating because of me. Please go and enjoy yourselves without worrying about me. I don't want to spoil my adoptive parents' mood, especially mother's. If she knows her children are unhappy because of me, she will be disappointed."
Understanding what he's saying, they nod unwillingly. As Achara starts to stand up, Tiwa moves to help her, taking both of her hands and gently tugging her to her feet as she gives him a sad smile. "No need, Tiwa," she says, leaning on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Take care," she says softly, patting his cheek with one hand. "Everything will be fine."
He nods and forces a broken smile, trying to stop his lips from trembling as he watches them go away. Instead of feeling relieved, he is nervous. There is no peace in arriving in his hometown. He had hoped to be happy with just his siblings around him, but he was wrong. Why? Because he wants to celebrate the lantern festival with his siblings, but knowing another soul yearning there doesn't let him.
Walking over to the window, he remains standing alone, pondering something as the cool night air feels refreshing against his skin. He looks up and watches the flock of lanterns being carried into the night sky. The sight almost seems magical, but it doesn't tug at his heartstrings, so he returns to his thoughts.
Suddenly, a lantern with an excited deer catches his attention as it comes from the direction of his old school. Tears well up in his eyes as he instantly recognizes that it was lit by Pravat. With tears streaming down his cheeks, he reaches out his hand toward it, memories of Pravat consuming his thoughts. Deep down, Tiwa knows that nothing will ever change between them, even if they…
Neither of them confesses, but there is a mutual feeling between them that does not need to be confirmed aloud. They both feel it but do not act on it, fearing that it will only bring more distance between them. "You're a golden jail where I love to be, but I'm struggling to love you," he murmurs to himself in a whisper through broken sobs. His heart feels ripped in two as he curls his fingers into a fist and drops his arm down to his side again.