"So do you think it went great in the end?" Amma muses, blinking at me curiously.
My eyes shift away from her as my head nods stiffly. The thought of telling her that the interview was a complete disaster makes me feel sick to my stomach. In fact, it was worse than just a mere disaster—it was a complete catastrophe. I stumbled over my words, sweating profusely and to top it all off, I accidentally spilt a bag of Skittles all over Mrs Freon's desk.
Needless to say, my chances of securing an interview with the lecturers tomorrow are slim to none. The truth is, I do not have the best luck to begin with, and it seems as though it has run out before I even had a chance.
It is becoming more and more apparent that I won't be attending the University of Oxford. But for now, I do not want to disappoint her just yet.
When I answered her Skype call not so long ago, she first asked me about the interview. It seemed as though the fact that I had missed her previous calls was completely forgotten, pushed aside by her eagerness to know how the interview went. Her expectations of me were undoubtedly high, and I could sense her confidence that I would make it into the school. It was almost as if she had already made peace with the fact that there was no way I would be rejected by the university.
She is in for quite the rude awakening.
"That's amazing," she says with a big smile painting her face, and I don't miss the pride shining in her eyes.
"Yeah," I murmur under my breath, picking at the fur of the blanket. "Yeah, it is."
At my tone, the smile on her face falls and she watches me in concern. "You don't look too excited about it. Are you okay, sweetie?"
"Yeah," I reply quickly, making sure that my lips are tugging up and I am immediately conscious of the fact that it probably doesn't reach my eyes. "I'm fine. I'm just a little tired and… cold. It's pretty cold over here."
"What are you on about? Shoreditch is so much colder than Oxford," she points out, narrowing her eyes at me in perplex.
"Yes, um… is Dad there?"
"No, he's in the shower. He'll be out in a few."
Not wanting to lie to her anymore, I desperately ask, "Are the twins around?"
"Oh, yes. Just a second." She turns around and yells, "Chu Hua! Ji Ho!"
I hear a murmur from inside the house.
"Your brother wants to talk to you."
A few seconds pass by before I hear them barrelling into the room. Chu Hua whines about her twin pushing her and I see him laughing at her. My mum reprimands them and tells them that if they don't behave then she is not going to let them talk to me. Obedient silence pursues afterwards. She then shifts away after waving goodbye and then Chu Hua and Ji Ho appear on my screen. He is grinning from ear to ear while my sister huffs, crossing her arms angrily.
"Hey, you guys," I exclaim, a large smile breaking out of my face. "Would you believe me if I said I miss you already?"
"Chu Hua is angry at you," Ji Ho signs fastidiously instead of responding to my question.
"Why?" I ask with a look of bemusement and then I shift my gaze over to her to say, "What did I do to make you angry at me?"
"She won't tell you until you apologise."
"But I can't apologise for something I don't even know."
"She says you're supposed to know what you did."
"Do you know what I did?" He nods affirmatively to my question. "Tell me."
Chu Hua's eyes narrow into a menacing glare as she locks eyes with him, causing him to quickly halt whatever he is about to tell me. It's clear that she doesn't want him to reveal to me what I did wrong. She wants me to figure it out on my own.
"I promised her that I wouldn't tell. Sorry."
Gazing away from Ji Ho in defeat, I shoot a dry glance in her direction, but she just huffs and crosses her arms, her chin jutting out stubbornly. When I call out her name and ask her to tell me what I did to upset her, she blatantly ignores me as if I'm not even there. This is so typical of her. What could I have possibly done to make her so angry?
I try to get my her attention again but she still tries her hardest to avoid looking at me. "Chu Hua, if you don't tell me what I did, I can't apologise for it."
Still, she doesn't look at me.
So I just roll my eyes skyward. "Okay, fine. If you're just gonna ignore me then I won't… show you all the pictures I took here."
"I don't care about your stupid pictures," she finally mutters, glaring at me through her side-eye.
"Well, what do you care about so I can blackmail you with it?"
"Why would I tell you that?"
"Just tell me what I did wrong then."
"No, you're supposed to know."
"Fine, allow me to ponder what I could have done wrong while I speak to Ji Ho about how fun my trip here has been." I immediately do no pondering only because I do not have the energy to entertain whatever childish tactic this is. "Why did you chew on my lip balm by the way?"
His eyes widen in surprise as if he was not expecting me to confront him about that and he nervously raises his hands to sign, "I… didn't."
"So, are you telling me that hyeong was lying?" I muse, expectantly and his gaze wavers as a telltale sign of guilt. "Our brother is a lot of things, but a liar isn't one of them. He's a nuisance, he's a nark, he's pansexual, but he's not a liar."
"Oh, fuck off, Seong Jin!" Yang Jin's voice emerges as he stands behind my younger siblings with a thundered expression on his face.
Ji Ho silently snorts behind his palm humorously.
I grimace sheepishly. "Annyeonghaseyo, hyeong."
"I hope you get constipated and don't leave your shit there."
"Hey, man. Too far." I see him storming away before he's no longer in view. "Now, Ji Ho, tell me why you chewed on my lip balm?"
"You're not pondering your misdeeds," Chu Hua cuts into the serious conversation that I'm trying to have with my little brother. I need to understand why Ji Ho chewed on my lip balm.
"Just tell me what I did, Chu Hua," I exclaim exasperatedly.
"You said that you were gonna call me two times a day, but you didn't even call once today."
My face sets into a flat look as I blink at her blankly.
That's what she's mad about?
Well, I mean with the day I had today, I don't think I would have had the time to call her once, let alone twice. First, the interview went horribly wrong and then later on, I got cappuccino spilt all over my crotch. Besides, I was pretty adamant about not talking to anyone back at home and that, unfortunately, included Chu Hua too. She would probably be able to sense the disappointment in my tone and would have relayed that to our mother.
"Chu Hua…"
"I'm not the one who pinkie promised, you know? I didn't force you to call two times a day. You made that decision for yourself."
"C'mon, don't be a baby. We're talking now, aren't we?"
"That's not the point, Seong Jin." She bows her head with a pout. "You broke a pinkie promise."
"He said he was sorry, Chu Hua," my little brother comes to my defence.
"No, he didn't," she grumbles, giving him the stink eye and then expectantly, they both glance over at me and awkwardly I roll my lips into my mouth.
After tapping a small rhythm against the side of my laptop and avoiding the piercing nature of their gazes, I eventually mutter, "Okay, I'm sorry."
"I don't want a half-arsed apology."
"Chu Hua," I reprimand her, appalled that she has the gall to cuss in my presence. Then again, yesterday she was about to say something outrageous about one of her friend's parents in front of Amma too. This child is getting braver as the days go by, it seems.
"You'll have to put a pound in the swear jar."
"I'm sorry for not calling you," I say as sincerely as I can, "but you know, you could have called me too if you wanted to talk so badly?"
"I did. With Amma's phone."
"You did?"
"She did." Ji Ho nods to confirm her story.
That is about when I remember that I did have that one missed call from my mum during my interview, but how was I supposed to know that was my sister calling me? Also, why would she call me during an interview? What if my phone wasn't on silent? Is she actually trying to sabotage my chances at the University of Oxford on purpose? I would not put it past her.
"Okay, I'm sorry," I say once again to possibly placate her. "I should have kept my promise."
"For that, I have to tell Ji Ho one of your secrets," she says to me with a triumphant look which makes me frown in confusion. Why am I getting punished so direly for forgetting to call her twice today? "You broke a pinkie promise. That's the price you have to pay."
"Who came up with the rules of punishment for breaking a pinky promise?" I question, eyes as large as saucers.
"I did. Just now." She lifts up her shoulders all perkily.
"No way, Ji Ho forfeits the secret." He shakes his head in disagreement and to convince him to, I add, "You don't have to tell me why you were chewing on my lip balm."
He pouts in contemplation.
I do sincerely want to know why he was chewing on my lip balm all this time but the secrets that Chu Hua holds are for us. No one else is supposed to know them.
We have three each. She has told me three of hers and has found out three of mine without me having to tell her because she is just one of many meddling siblings I have. I really should have kept my camera in a much more discrete place. In order to satiate my curiosity, I will just say that he chewed on my lip balm for experimental purposes.
"Okay. Fine."
"No, just tell him why you ate his lip balm," Chu Hua prompts, really wanting to tell her twin one of my secrets.
"No." He blushes, bowing his chin into his chest.
"Fine, then I'll tell him."
"No, then you'll break a pinky promise." He pauses and then flickers his eyes in panic until satisfaction rests in them and he signs, "Then I'll tell him one of your secrets."
"You have more secrets?" I ask my sister, frowning curiously.
"Yes. I tell them to all of you so I don't become a tyrant. If I knew all your secrets, I could drag you all by the nose and force you to do my bidding."
"And you don't want that?" I muse slowly.
"No, you're my siblings," she answers as if that's something I should already know. I really hate it when she outsmarts me like this. "Don't be stupid, Seong Jin."
I wrinkle my nose in annoyance and immediately start dismissing them, "Alright, you two. It's bedtime."
"For you maybe. We're going to watch Big Mouth with Yang Jin."
"You're not old enough for that show."
"We're eleven," Chu Hua says, eyes flattening as if that proves a point. I don't think an eleven year old should be watching that show still. "Besides, it's just cartoons."
"Cartoons have age restrictions too," I point out, already reaching for my phone to text Yang Jin so he doesn't let the kids watch that show. "You're not watching that show. Does Amma even know about this?"
"Aargh, he's such a Debby downer," Chu Hua whispers to Ji Ho, but she's not quiet enough.
"I heard that." Even through my scathing glare, she smiles at me sweetly. "Promise me you won't watch it."
"Bye, Seong Jin," Chu Hua waves happily.
Before I can make them promise, the screen goes blank. I shake my head exasperatedly and send Yang Jin a text I hope he does not dismiss.
As soon as I step out of the shower with a towel ringing out the droplets in my hair, I reach for my phone and check for any new messages. To my delight, I see that he has sent me a text.
I eagerly open it up and cannot help the chuckle that escapes me when my eyes land on the picture he's sent me. It's a candid shot of him posing with the twins. He's grinning from ear to ear, giving me a thumbs-up, while the twins have their eyes tightly shut, cringing. The expression on their faces is hilarious. In the background on the telly is a zoomed-in caption of Andrew's genitals.
Hyeong: They didn't even make it halfway thru the 1st episode.
Me: Amma is gonna kill you.
Me: That freeze-frame is everything though.
Hyeong: Yeah, it is.
Just before burying myself underneath the covers, I make sure to reach for my laptop again to check my e-mail and I try to ignore the feelings of trepidation anxiously building in the pit of my stomach. Lo and behold, one of them is from the University of Oxford itself. It seems to have been sent an hour after my interview with Mrs Freon.
My lips nervously purse as I tug on my index finger, almost as if to prevent myself from gnawing on my fingernails. Before I can back out, I quickly open the mail and fearfully, my eyes pinch shut. Subconsciously, my fingers entangle again and in their cusp, it almost feels like I am preparing to pray. I probably should.
Shaking my head readily, I slowly pry my eyes open and I await the moment that will either make or break me. You know when you are sure that you got a bad review on something, school grades mostly, but you still hope by God's grace that maybe the bad was all in your head and you actually did well?
It's the same hope I have when I read the e-mail.
After closing the laptop, my chest having been deflated and the tension that once was gripping me tight in its grasp having released me, I strain to reach for my phone on the sideboard and read the rest of my texts. Only one grabs my attention though.
Fleance: My brother, Kai. Where are you, btw?
My eyes widen so much that they could be used comically. The phone slips out of my grasp onto the bed as I swallow the gasp of surprise that was about to leave my lips.
His brother Kai?
Wait, are we both thinking about the same person? How? They look nothing alike?
I have trouble making sense of it all until a hazy memory of a shadowed face suddenly becomes clear. The more I focus on it, the more I realise that it's a face I have seen before at Fleance's party.
This boy had shoulder-length brown hair, but it was so dark that it could easily be mistaken for black. However, when the sunlight hit it just right, the brown tones would shine through, revealing its true colour. What really stood out to me, though, were his eyes. They were playful, with a twinkle that seemed to change colour depending on the angle of the light. His eyes were heterochromatic—one was a deep brown while the other was a bright blue. It was a unique and unforgettable feature.
Hurriedly, I grab my phone and quickly dial Fleance's number. As the dial tone continuously drones on in my ear, my finger comes up to my mouth and I anxiously gnaw on my thumb.
"Yo," is the first thing he says when he picks up.
"Hey," I reply softly, catching how nervous I sound from the discovery, the discovery that Kai is actually his brother.
"Where are you? Are you in Oxfordshire?" he muses, curiously.
"Yeah," I say, nodding even though he can't see me.
"Oh," he echoes as if a question that was lingering in his mind has finally been answered. "No wonder why Kai keeps talking about you. Did you meet up with him?"
"Um… yeah," I answer, blinking distractedly. "Wait, so since when was Kai your brother?"
"Since birth. What kinda question is that?"
"Was he at your Halloween party?" I ask, just for some confirmation.
Maybe I was just seeing things. I don't know how much of my memory I can trust from that night. I mean, I distinctly remember seeing Leprechauns and baby Cupids too, but that doesn't mean that there were mythical creatures at the party. Unless those were people in costumes, but I doubt that.
"Uh, yeah. I threw the party for him. You know, he hadn't come home in a really long time, because of… some familial issues, so I thought why the fuck not. Anyway, he sobered you up before Dominic and I came looking for you. Wait, did you not recall that bit? You guys seemed pretty cosy when we found you, sharing that bag of crisps."
Oh, my God. It actually was him.
How the hell did I miss it? Am I that fucking dense?
Granted, he cut his hair short and doesn't have shoulder-length hair anymore, but everything else is him. He still has those hypnotic, heterochromatic eyes. He still has the lip piercing from that night. He still has that playful, bashful look in his gaze. It's all him.
With furrowed eyebrows, I wonder why he didn't mention that. Did he think it wasn't important to tell me that he's one of my friend's older brothers or that we've met more than that one time outside the froyo shop where he spilt my slushy all over my shirt?
"Does he remember me from the party?" I question Fleance, still animatedly chewing on my nails.
"I don't know. Probably," I can imagine him shrugging indifferently, while both frowning in confusion at my line of question. "Did he not talk about it when you two met up?"
"No."
"That's weird," he murmurs thoughtfully. "Then again, he probably wouldn't have brought it up if you didn't."
Why wouldn't he have brought it up if I didn't?
"What the hell did you guys talk about then? Did you just exchange pleasantries or did you hang out for a bit?"
I awkwardly blink widely at his question and instead of answering him, I stutteringly tell him that he's causing me to go above my phone bill limit before clumsily hanging up on him.
With my phone firmly held in my palm, I mindlessly tap a rhythm on my pillow, the parts of my memory I once forgot, from the night of the party, now being vividly painted across my gaze. From the conversation that we had about the constellation, Ursa Major to him telling me to stay safe before Dominic dragged me away.
With a stuttered sigh being expelled from my chest, I reach over the edge of the bed to fish a novel out of my bag. I don't know how to feel about this. I guess I'm still in shock.
Flipping to the chapter I left off at, I let myself escape into the words and replace a character with myself, enjoying the feel of the paper against the tip of my fingers. It provides me with a much needed distraction from my thoughts. And as I involuntarily close my eyes to fall asleep, today's events replay in my mind and this time as I'm pulled into unconsciousness, I have no idea who the last person on my mind is.