We are all seated around the large table in the dining room area. Harabeoji is tiredly slouching at the head of the table, as he always is nowadays. Halmeoni is next to him, her eyes constantly flickering between the presented food and him, just in case something happens to him. Fortunately, Amma is a physician so if something does happen to him, she will know exactly what to do.
I am worried about him because he looks a little worse for wear and without my grandfather there to calm her down, I don't know if I'll be able to visit Halmeoni again.
I'm sitting beside Yang Jin and adjacent to me is my little brother who keeps glancing over his shoulder every once in a while, for some peculiar reason. Chu Hua is on his right, a chair away from Halmeoni. We tend to avoid being close to her. She has some serious issues sometimes.
"Let us bow our heads," Halmeoni says and you can hear her thick accent in her sentence.
Ji Ho frowns and looks over at me. I lift up my shoulders in enquiry.
"What about uncle?" he signs and everyone on the table tenses. Well, except our grandparents. They don't know sign language. "Is he not going to eat with us?"
"What is going on?" Halmeoni asks when we don't bow our heads to pray.
"Mou mat je, Má-mah," Amma inputs quickly, and then her eyes flicker over to Ji Ho and urgently, she says to him, "Bow your head, Ji Ho."
He seems to want to protest, but one reprimanding look from Amma makes his hands descend back into his lap. He bows his head into his chest, but not in preparation to pray. Instead in embarrassment and an underlying frustration.
Ji Ho doesn't like being kept quiet. He rarely says much, but when he does say something, he expects us to listen to it. At home, he has never had to be silent so the fact that our mum is shutting him up now, I can see that being rather confusing for him.
"He's right." I voice, interrupting my grandma before she can pray and when she glowers at me, I avert my gaze back to the rest of my family. "Why isn't uncle Boqin eating with us?"
"Seong Jin, be quiet." Yang Jin scolds lowly, and I don't miss the fear in his eyes. Fear for my wellbeing, I'm guessing.
"Your uncle doesn't want to join us," Halmeoni states sternly. "I don't understand how you can ask us that after what he said to your mother all those years ago. Unless you don't remember. You were just this tall at the time. I'm sure Yang Jin remembers."
"Well, I don't think it's fair to hold something like that against him since he said that out of anger. Also, we don't know where he was coming from when he said that to Amma," I say intuitively. "And if you held that against him then you wouldn't have let him stay in your house for all these years."
"How are you talking to me like this?" Halmeoni stands up and I shrink into my seat.
"No, he's sorry. Seong Jin, apologise," my mum demands, her stare burning into me earnestly.
"I'll apologise when sūksùk joins us."
My grandmother's eyebrows arch up in shock and everyone else watches me through widened eyes, as large as saucers. A ruckus arises as we all shout words at each other from across the table. Halmeoni interrogates me about how I know the Cantonese word for uncle. Did I lie to her earlier when I said I don't speak the language? I open my mouth to tell her that the internet is a thing.
Until a loud thud echoes around the room and I look over to the head of the table, seeing Harabeoji's hand slammed against the table. A silence commences after the parties around the table jump a little from the sudden noise.
"If Seong Jin can convince Boqin to come and eat with us then it's fine," he says, his voice is very much gritty and low. He sounds like he's struggling to project.
My shoulders slump into my body when his words suddenly hit me. He wants me to... what? No, I was just asking a question.
My eyes flicker over to my mum for help, but she purposely ducks her head to avoid gazing at me. So does everyone else. Even Ji Ho. I scowl angrily. I guess this is what I get for feeling sorry for him and voicing his complaints. He doesn't even speak up for me when I need him to.
I was merely asking a question though? It doesn't mean that I want to go and call uncle Boqin. Even entering his room is forbidden.
How am I supposed to convince him to join us for a meal? I'm just the son of the woman he firstly cussed out and then never forgave. When I told Amma that uncle Boqin cannot live his entire life in hatred, I was so wrong. He has secluded himself in this house and never comes out of his room. No matter how many times his father prompts him to leave. He does not even have to leave the yard. Just go outside.
"Seong Jin, seodulleoyo. Eumsig-i chagawojigi jeon-e," Halmeoni snaps impatiently and I look down at the set table, wondering if the food would get cold that fast.
I jump out of my seat and look over at Harabeoji who doesn't seem to notice the unwilling look in my eyes. He merely nods at me encouragingly.
With a gulp, I approach uncle Boqin's room apprehensively. After one last look over my shoulder where I catch my mum shaking her head in defeat and Yang Jin laughing at me with his eyes, I turn into the hallway. Yang Jin, the ungrateful son of a dog. I just helped him overcome one of his demons and this is how he thanks me? Really, I am so unappreciated in this family.
With a heart drumming a minute a mile, I trudge all the way to the last door in the hallway. This is uncle Boqin's room. I know, because it's one of the rooms that I've never entered. In fact, it's the only room that I have not went into. I've even gone into my grandparents' room and that's saying something.
Without even thinking about it or knocking, I enter.
Stalking into the dark room, my enlarged eyes flicker around as if to absorb as many objects around me as possible. I can barely see anything. Also, that musty smell. My face scrunches up and I bring a hand up to cover my nose. When was the last time that this room was air-freshened? As in, the windows were left open and the air entered the room to freshening. This stench is horrendous. I try to hold my breath, but I can only do that for so long.
How is uncle Boqin able to stay in here for… like ever? Has it gotten to the point where he's used to this smell? The smell of absolute death. Really, it smells like a cat and a dog had a fight to the death in this room and after winning, the dog eventually died of an infection from getting clawed by the cat. The decomposed smell of the two animals accumulated over the years and now it smells like this.
My mouth opens to splutter out a cough and I scowl in repulse when I taste the smell of the room.
Gah!
"What do you want?" a voice somewhere in the dark demands.
I spring out of my skin and look around to see where exactly the voice came from. Squinting tightly, my eyes almost adjust to the darkness until he switches on the lamp on his bedside table. The sudden blinding light causes me to clench my eyes tightly. Jesus, my pupils weren't prepared for that! I blink a couple of times to now adjust to the sudden brightness. When I see the body lying in the bed, I shift around awkwardly.
Uncle Boqin looks a lot like Yang Jin. Or rather, Yang Jin looks like him. His hair is a dark colour and is now longer than I remember it being. He also reminds me of Amma when she had shoulder-length hair. The long hair probably has something to do with the fact that he barely goes outside. Even his beard has outgrown his chin. He really needs to visit the barber one of these days. And by that, I mean, he should book himself an appointment right now.
When I look into his eyes, I also see a bit of my mother in him. The brown hazels that we all managed to inherit from Harabeoji. Well, except for Chu Hua who adopted Appa's. But I glance away as quickly as I can. The last time that I spoke to uncle Boqin was when my dad was still alive. When I was about five years old. When I compare the charismatic, always smiling uncle to the lifeless body beneath those blankets, I see no resemblance at all. Physically and emotionally.
"Er… sūksùk Boqin, do you want to… perhaps join us for dinner?" I stammer out nervously, my fingers automatically entangling.
"No. Leave," he grunts in a deadpan tone and goes to switch the light off.
"You know Harabeoji is sick, right?" I exclaim and his hand halts mid-air. A shadow passes through his eyes as he glances over at me. I force myself to stare back. "The least you could do is share a meal with your father before it's too late."
He glowers at me challengingly and somehow; I manage not to back down. When he averts his gaze in a thoughtful manner, I suppress a smile.
I didn't know if that was going to work, but using his fear of losing his father was one way to get him to join us for the Christmas feast. It's sadistic of me, yes I know, but what else was I supposed to do? Asking him nicely isn't going to work. Begging him isn't going to work. Commanding him to join us is only asking for a hiding.
"I think I told you to leave," he mutters monotonously and my face drops in shock. He's not going to join us? After I told him that his father could possibly drop dead one of these days?
"It's Christmas," I try feebly.
"I don't care. Now, get out of my room." He switches the light off and pulls the covers over his head.
My face morphs into a confused expression as my lower jaw unhinges.
Is he serious right now? Is he really not going to join us? I don't know why I'm surprised since he has never agreed to join us for… anything, really. Even when my Appa was alive. Especially then. It perplexed me when Amma and him got into it with each other and I heard him telling her that he hates her. That he wants nothing to do with her or this family. That is the last day that I saw uncle Boqin.
All of a sudden, a surge of anger forms in the pit of my chest. It's small at first, barely noticeable until it grows into something I can no longer ignore.
"If you're not leaving this room then I'm… not leaving too," I declare stubbornly and take a seat on the edge of his bed, making sure to avoid sitting on his legs. "And I tend to run my mouth in the silence, because I don't like awkward silences. They make me feel weird, so I hope you don't mind that…"
A few seconds later.
"…and then she was like I don't want to be friends with a man-grabbing whore and then I was like I don't want your man. No-one wants your man. That's why he's with you…"
A few minutes later.
"…and then I fell for Dominic again which is so trash. Like what the hell? I thought his personality was a turn off, but I guess I was just lying to myself about that. Typical Seong Jin…"
Even more minutes.
"The way Savannah started that stupid rumour about me giving one of the guys on the football team a... I'm not gonna say what, but she basically said I was prostituting myself to someone for money and that got me kicked off the football team, because the guy who I was supposedly prostituting myself to thought that I started that rumour because I had a crush on him when that wasn't even the case. To add the cherry on top, his girlfriend was one of my friends and she actually believed that I did that with her boyfriend and then a fight broke out and—"
"Okay, okay, fine. I'll join you for dinner. Just please shut up," he grumbles angrily, pulling the covers off his body to glare at me. "You truly are Kimiko's son."
My lips arch up into a wide, excited smile.
"Help me up, will you?" he demands, watching me expectantly.
"Oh. Of course." I stand up and assist him to sit up. After huffing out a loud breath, he rests his head on the headboard and looks over at his folded-up wheelchair then my scrawny self in doubt. "Yeah, I'll call Yang Jin." I nod, running out of the room.
That evening, we spend Christmas together. As a family. When I ran into the dining room without my uncle tailing me, everyone looked at me as if they weren't expecting me to succeed. Until I told Yang Jin to go and help uncle with his wheelchair. He seemed in disbelief for a second, not even moving until I snapped him out of his daze and told him to hurry up before Uncle Boqin changed his mind.
As Yang Jin wheeled him in, Halmeoni immediately burst into tears and loud wails which was weird for everyone and then she forced Uncle Boqin to slide his wheelchair in next to her. When she hugged him, he didn't protest. He let her hug him for as long as she wanted. Harabeoji gazed over at me and there was question in his eyes, but he, luckily, didn't demand for an answer on how I managed to convince Uncle Boqin to join us. He merely stretched a weak smile my way.
"I'm glad you could join us, Uncle Boqin," Ji Ho signs fastidiously.
I want to tell him that our uncle doesn't understand sign language, but he surprises me when he signs back, "Me too. You've grown up a lot since I've last seen you, Ji Ho."
He turns to my sister and says, "You too, Chu Hua." He looks over at Yang Jin and with pride shining in his eyes, says. "Yang Jin, you're a man now."
When did he learn sign language?
He must feel my shocked eyes on him, because he clarifies to me, "I have a lot of free time."
"You don't say."
Ji Ho grins up at his uncle with awe in his eyes and I can't help but mimic my brother's face.
"Now, let us bow our heads in prayer."
After dinner, which was a rather well spent one, Yang Jin, Ji Ho, Chu Hua and I change into our pyjamas and head over to the living room which is where we'll be sleeping for the night. There aren't any more rooms to accommodate all of us. Amma and Franklin will be sleeping in Amma's old room. Chu Hua and Ji Ho carry the old mattress into the room and after shifting the sofas back, they place it in the open space.
I lie down on my sofa, bringing my blanket up to my chin. After telling us to go to sleep before midnight, Amma and Franklin tell us that they love us which makes us cringe and Chu Hua ends up chorusing a loud ew.
Before switching off the light and heading to her room to sleep, Amma says she especially loves Yang Jin the most and he must never forget that which makes him blush in embarrassment. We leave the channel on Cartoon Network since the twins love The Amazing World of Gumball and I don't protest, because I also love the show.
As I'm chuckling softly at something Darwin says, my thigh vibrates and I pull my phone out from under the blankets. With a bemused frown, I unlock the phone and see that it's a message from an unknown number. Glancing over at Yang Jin to see if he's maybe playing a prank on me by sending me anonymous messages, I see that he is as invested in the cartoon as the twins are. It's not him.
With an indifferent shrug, I open the text, hoping to God it's not a telemarketer.
Merry Xmas, Seong Jin, it reads.
I blink in confusion, wondering who the hell this is and why said, unknown person is wishing me a merry Christmas and also, they know my name? Before I can type my questions, the phone vibrates again.
Another message follows the last one, It's Kai, btw.
My heart skips a beat as my eyes widen a little. What? Where did he.... where did he get my number from?
Again, my brows furrow and I nervously bring my thumb up to gnaw on it before I remind myself how much of a bad habit it is. This is why I need to get myself a granola bar or something. Before placing my phone down beside me on the sofa, I wish him a merry Christmas too, the tiny smile on my face either a remnant of laughter from the cartoon we're watching or the surprisingly, pleasant message from Kai.