A week has come and gone by after the airing of my dirty laundry for everyone to see. Glancing down at my outfit, my lips subtly curl down displeased. Subconsciously, I have started to enclose myself within duller clothes. I tell myself that it's because we are moving into a much colder month, so I have to wear something to match the mood of the weather but deep down I know that is just an excuse.
The truth is I don't want to stand out like I used to before everything. Wearing these monotone colours helps me blend into the crowd. I guess, that's one thing I learned from... Dominic.
I have noticed that I've been drawing more into myself. I'm not the optimistic, positive boy who never shows it when he's despondent. I am the boy whose greatest fear has manifested into a monster, feasting. Its flatulence became an air of vengeance for Taylor to inhale.
The first two days of recess were unwillingly spent with me sitting all alone like a loser, yearning for his friend's presence who was just across the room. The only way I could obscure the dead loss I was from other people's eyes was to pretend that the novel in my hand was much more interesting than my surroundings. Each day Edward will tug Taylor to our table and every time I will get hopeful until she shakes her head and rushes away in the opposite direction. After throwing a quick, apologetic smile my way, he will follow after her.
Damien was absent those two days, but when he came back, he did not seem surprised to see half of the pupils in our group missing. He too has watched the videos, I presume. He has seen the remnants of the letter littering the school grounds and the noticeboard. Yet, he still stays with me even though he might want to spend his break with Edward. It warms my heart.
Christian has also moved away from the stands and sits with Damien and me during recess. He's always just staring at me in question, but I avoid his gaze by training my eyes on my food, nibbling on small bites. A burger is a burger, chips are chips and even fan tuan is just fan tuan.
Now, after a couple of days, the news about my misdeeds has died down a bit. The students of Mossbourne have moved on to the next hot topic which is the fact that Jodie's father and a few owners of hotels both in the city and internationally, are offering four students from our school scholarships into tertiary. One will go to the athlete of the year and the last three will go to those who are the most academically inclined.
I want to receive that scholarship. I don't want my parents to keep paying for my studies. I believe they've done more than enough.
For the longest time, I had been dead set on going into fashion and styling like my late father but then my mum sat me down and questioned me about my likes and dislikes, my interests and my social skills. She asked me if I saw myself being a fashion designer in the near future. I told her I was not a prophet.
It somehow brought us back to medicine. I have no idea how that happened because it's the worst occupation to go into what with the late hours and hustle and bustle of a hospital.
Just to see if I am interested, my mum has requested her boss allow me to come to the hospital and see how things are done daily. She says that she will try to make time for me during the summer holidays so that's something to look forward to.
Damien prompts me to go and talk to my friend, but I need to give her space, is what I told him for the first few days. Taylor ignores me so beautifully that she deserves an award for pretending that someone who is her childhood best friend doesn't exist. It's as clear as day that she wants nothing to do with me.
After the first four days passed, that is when I surmised that she had gotten enough space to process her emotions and hopefully punch her vex away.
I tried apologising to her by following after her, but then she started hanging out with the popular group again and I did not want anything to do with them, so I stopped trying.
Also, I may be crazy or imagining this, but almost every day I notice Edward doing this weird thing. He and Damien will walk into the cafeteria together and find Christian and I seated at our usual table, quizzing each other on schoolwork since we both chose the same subjects, gossiping, because apparently, he's an attentive person and other times we just silently eat with a novel being shared between us.
He will hesitate at the table's foot and for a split second our eyes will meet, and for these few seconds, he will ask me a question he does not even realise he's asking me. His eyes will say why. What comes after this is a mystery. Is he asking me why I like him or why I never told him that I like him? Damien will, noticing his indecisiveness, push him onto the bench and tell him that I don't like him anymore and that he should get over himself.
The statement will make my body tense for a nanosecond, and I think only Christian notices.
After a few minutes though, Edward will scramble onto his feet and leave with an excuse. Usually: Taylor will kill me if I don't show up in a few. She's already blowing up my phone. At the end of the day, he still takes it upon himself to remain friendly with me, with small talk between us in class, but I can see that he feels awkward about finding out about my feelings for him.
Then there's Dominic.
He has tried to explain to me what or how both my letters were leaked and my videos were posted on that channel which has been growing ever so rapidly ever since, but I can't find the will to face him anymore.
Every time I see him in the hallways, I will abruptly halt in my step and stare at him awkwardly. When he hastily tries to get to me so that he can talk to me, I always quickly sink back into the crowd and escape him. Other times, I see him with Jodie in the cafeteria, but the usual claustrophobic attack occurs, where he springs up and walks out of the room with her tailing him in perplex.
At the end of the day, I just want my sketchbook back. I want my memory card back. Only to get them back, I will have to talk to him which is never going to happen so I am stuck speaking to Chu Hua about my problems who loves playing pretend therapy. Ever since I told her about how Dominic outed me to everybody, to my friends, she has worn this façade of hatred for him. As my sister, she has to be on my side no matter what anyone else says.
She rushes home every day, throws her bag on the floor, which is the first time she has disobeyed our mother's rules, and lets me lie down on the sofa as they do in the movies. Before we even start our therapy session, she'll beg me to lend her my new glasses and then request for her imaginary receptionist to send in her new patient.
Ji Ho does not even want to be a part of whatever weird tendencies we have. The moment he enters the house he will hug me as if to say that he's sorry for what I am going through. Then he will run away as if to say, but I'm not doing this stupid thing to make you feel better. I appreciate the hugs; they are more than enough. It's better than the therapy sessions I receive from my sister. I just go along with it, because… it's entertaining.
The way she always starts with, and how does that make you feel? never fails to amuse me and I will press my lips together, trying not to laugh.
After hopping off the bus, I trudge towards the house.
Fleance tried to cheer me up by telling me that Taylor would come around, but I don't see that ever happening anytime soon. She is as stubborn as a mule and as much as I have been ignoring Dominic, that is the amount of time and effort she is putting into ignoring me. I just wish for this to be all over soon. I want my best friend to stop hanging with the popular crowd and her boyfriend to stop giving me strange looks at recess. Is that too much to ask for?
Perhaps it is.
I throw my bag on the ground at the door, making a quick reminder to pick it up before heading up to my room and running into the bathroom to empty my bladder like I always do every day when I arrive home. It's almost like the moment I'm at the doorstep, my bladder will smell that I'm at home and get triggered. It'll be normal for a while, but afterwards, I will feel pressed and hurriedly push the door open to avoid releasing bodily fluids all over myself.
After I'm done doing my business, I tiredly dump my body on the sofa. While pulling my beanie off, I hear some clinking in the kitchen and for a second I wonder if we're being burgled.
That's when Yang Jin walks into the room, balancing a large bowl of what seems to be popcorn in his arm, and two bottles of apple cider in his other hand. When his gaze lands on me, he falters in his step, like he was not expecting to see me at home so soon. I don't blame him. I normally go to the park every day after school, to reminisce about the good ol' days when Dominic and I were cool with one another, so I understand his shock.
"You're home," he muses.
I pat the spot beside me and after a moment of hesitation crossing his eyes, he takes the seat beside me. I catch his gaze flickering up the stairs.
"Yep. I just decided to head straight home today." I take the bottle out of his hand and pop it open, taking a sip of the apple cider. "So… what are we doing? Netflix and chill?"
"Uh…" he stammers out nervously as his eyes flutter upstairs again, which makes me frown in confusion as well as suspicion. What the hell does he have up there that he doesn't want me to see? The infamous Grim Reaper? "Sure, yeah. Yeah, we can Netflix and chill… in a non-sexy way."
Okay… ew… who said anything about it being sexy?
"Okay, lemme go and fetch my laptop. I think I have a few good movies."
I stand up from the sofa, setting the bottle of cider down on the coffee table. As I start to walk away, I feel a sudden tug on my wrist, pulling me back down onto the sofa next to him. I shoot him a surprised look, curious about what might be his problem today.
Did he eat something which is causing him to act strangely? Does he perhaps actually have the scythe-carrying demon hiding upstairs in his room? If that is the case, then I will make a conscious effort not to go into his room. I never go into his room without permission anyway. I actually understand the concept of privacy unlike some.
"What the hell? What's your deal?"
"I can get the laptop," he insists.
"No, you won't. It's my room. I'll get my own bloody laptop."
"No, you don't understand."
"Understand what?"
"You've had a rough day at school, working and everything… so just relax, okay? I will get it for you," he suggests, standing up before I can argue otherwise. He smiles stiffly and turns around to head upstairs to my room.
"Hey, Yang Jin, what's taking so long?"
Mid-step, Yang Jin visibly tenses and I glance up at the contribution to our conversation. A familiar voice that does not belong here. My gaze follows the legs of the person who is jogging down the steps two at a time and once he's in view, my eyes enlarge in shock when I realise who it is. Dressed in only his black, silky underwear, contrasting against his pale skin, is the one and only Riley.
Riley McKenzie.
Christian's boyfriend, Riley McKenzie.
Honestly, the Grim Reaper would have been a better option. What the hell is he doing in my home?
Riley is someone who used to bully a lot of the students in our school, including me. Still does. It did not matter who you were, if were not on his social scale of popularity, he unleased his aggression onto you. I have noticed a subtle shift in his behaviour since meeting Christian though. His arrogance has withered a bit. He and James were both an uncontrollable pair of real delinquents back then.
James was worse. He was constantly getting into fights which left him with split lips and black eyes, and was sometimes getting caught smoking at recess. Until he and I shared a moment with each other where he comforted me when I got upset about not being able to fly over to South Korea to visit my father's grave, he was a part of the despicable duo I never liked. From then onward, we have been good friends. Even after I confessed to having feelings for him.
And now Riley is in my house.
In his underwear.
With my brother.
What the hell is going on this year? What have I done in my past life to deserve the torture that I have gone through? Really, I am not even that much of a terrible person. I mean, besides not helping old ladies cross the street, I have been pretty darn nice. Please, dear Lord, help me recall the misdeeds I have done. Did I not worship thee correctly? Could it be that Hitler was my husband in my past life and I would always encourage him on the atrocities he committed? What did I do?
"What is Riley doing in the house?" I ask, staring at Yang Jin who is evidently avoiding my questioning gaze. "Half-naked?"
"Uh… I'm gonna hit the road so…"
"Are you not in a relationship?" I enquire, throwing poisonous daggers at him before he can jog back upstairs. "This is called cheating, you know? How could you do this to Christian?"
"Christian broke up with me," he replies and my eyes enlarge in surprise, "and he wants nothing to do with me." I catch the slight hurt that flickers in his eyes before he shuts it off and before trudging back up the stairs, he dismissively relays to us, "I'll get my clothes and leave."
"Yang Jin," I start, eyeing him up and down and catching my pink robe which he has on, but I do not reprimand him for using my clothes yet. I instead ask him, "Aren't you… straight?"